ObesityHelp

Had fill #2 last Friday (9/15).  Lost 5 pounds last month.  As of today, I am at 50 pounds lost.  I am SOOOOO happy.  I have worked hard this week.  My fil is working.  I am doing better with portions!!!!  I exercise every day...since school started nights are crazy so I get up around 4:30 and sometimes as late as 5:15 when really tired and I walk anywhere from 1 1/2 to 3 miles, or even more if time permits...

My 2nd fill was easier..still a "blind" stick--no fluro--but he's pretty good..filled me up til I couldn't swallow, then backed it off some.  Now I have 2ccs in my 4cc/9.75cm band.  I LOVE THIS BAND!!!!

Here's my measurement stats:

Pre-op

Waist   50"

Hips     57 1/2"

BMI     48.9

Now

Waist   39

Hips     47

BMI      40.34

I have lost 11" from my waist and 10 1/2" from my hips....WHOO  HOO!!!!

This morning I was down to 240!!!  Hope I can stay there.  Had my first fill about a week ago and I got MAJOR stuck last night on chicken and tomato.   I forgot to chew good enough!!!!  EXCRUTIATINGLY PAINFUL!!!!  I can imagine this is like heart-attack pain.  I ended up sliming uncontrollably...slime just pouring out.  I kept gagging uncontrollably and I ended up throwing up the big pieces.  I did drink a little dr recommended concoction just in case there was anything else in there....4 oz tap water, 1 tsp lemon juice, 1/4 tsp. Adolphs meat tenderizer (plain)...sip over one hour.  I was fine after about an hour...stoma seemed to cramp off an on all night...went back to liquids today!  Bought some blueberry Spiru-tein protein drink...it was delicious...have had trouble with liking anything else, so it's great to find something I can tolerate...I'm just not much of a meat eater.

I am happy.  I am going to be me.  I am going to quit apologizing for being me and be happy with me and the life I have chosen to live.  Life is too short for me not to do what I need to do to be happy and to be ME and to be genuine.  I don’t plan to pretend anymore.  If people then don’t like me for who I really am, then they don’t have to be around me.  That’s my new revelation for the week.  I am going to do what I need to do for me and my family without accepting ridicule and without apologizing for my behavior and self which are completely acceptable. 

Back from Disneyworld .  Didn’t gain any weight!!!  Happy and excited.  I’m teetering between 242 and 243 and so I’ll call it 243 for now.  We had a great trip.  We had a great house we rented with a pool.  Our schedule while we were gone:

Saturday          Drove all day

Sunday            Magic Kingdom…first trip for any of the 5 of us so we were so lost!!!  Stayed all day.  Watched parade and fireworks.  We loved these rides:  Buzz Lightyear, Haunted Mansion , Space Mountain (completely and totally awesome!)

Monday           Epcot….nice, but an extremely hot day!  We toured the “world” and rode the ride that has the big Earth planet at the end.  The kids thought that was cool.  We also rode a “boat” through a fake evening sky which was pretty cool..not sure what that was.  We also rode the cars that are like a road test which end in a speedy trip around the race track.  The kids loved that and thought it was cool.

Tuesday           MGM—MY FAVORITE!!!!!!!!!!!  We rode the Tower of Terror —which is my all time favorite ride because each time is as scary as the first….I wish I had one in my backyard   We rode the Rock-n-Roller Coaster which was awesome.  We watched the stunt show with the red hero car, the backwards red hero car, the motorcycle stunts, car stunts, etc. which ended in a major explosion which was cool.  We rode the Star Wars ride (not sure if that was MGM or Epcot..) and lots of other cool stuff.

Wednesday     Animal Kingdom—Pretty cool.  We did the safari and rode a tilt-a-whirl roller coaster thingy, the Dinosaur ride—which was scary!!!! But the MAJOR RIDE THERE—Expedition Everest was an hour and a half wait and they had no more fast passes, so we didn’t get to ride….boooooo hoooooo.  The big tree there is also really cool.  We ate lunch at the Rainforest Café….I skipped lunch and just ordered the Rainforest Ricky because I was so freaking hot I was dying.  This was a smoothie sort of drink but I promise you it was the very best thing I have ever had in my mouth…I don’t even like smoothies.  This was awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday         Universal Studios—We rode everything.  The Terminator show was the most awesome thing I have ever seen!  We rode Jaws, the Mummy, ET, Men in Black, Back to the Future, etc. 

Friday              Sea World—We watched the Shamu show and the dolphins and other stuff, toured all the various animal sites, etc.  We rode the Journey to Atlantis which was a cool roller coaster/water log ride and we rode the Kraken—which was a long loopety-loop roller coaster….it was awesome cool.  We rode on the front seat!!!!!!!

Saturday—left Orlando and went to Panama City Beach , drove from there to Destin, stopped at the ocean (okay really the gulf—but I’m calling it the ocean!).  I was SOOOO happy to get there.  I haven’t been to the ocean since 1989.  I ran in my white capris out to the sand which was like 12 feet (where the water had washed up and washed some away..it was almost like a cliff of sand in places where there were sanddrifts.  The sand was soooooo white.   Anyway, then I baled off into the ocean because I was so excited.  It was sunset and a storm was rolling in.  It could not have been more gorgeous!  It was the first time for my husband to be seaside ever and also my daughters and only the 3rd time for me, and the 2nd for my son……so exciting…..so exciting.  I was breathing in the salty air and relishing every second.  I wrote “Ann Loves Jerry”…It was actually Ann and then a heart and then an apostrophe s and then Jerry….in the sand and attached him with a big hug and kiss and thanked him profusely for going “out of his way” to take me to the ocean.   I had tears in my eyes and cried because I was so happy…okay so back to the white capris…they’re soaked and completely see-through.  My husband says, “you can see right thru your pants.”  I said, “ I don’t care…I’m at the ocean.  I’m at the ocean and I don’t care!!!”  ( I was almost singing it!)  We walked down the beach, found several sand crabs (clear boogers, or white….anyway…they’re hard to see).  One of the most incredible moments of my life.

What a trip.  I was SOOOOOOOO hot every day at every minute I had sweat literally rolling off my face.  I have never been so hot.  I drank tons and tons of water and NEVER had to pee (well, almost never) because I sweated it all out.  It was so hot and so humid.  At night, the pool was too warm, but still inviting.  Our air conditioner didn’t work in the house half the time….there were two days that I was trying to get ready to go to dinner in my room which was 93 degrees…..YES…NINETY THREE DEGREES….and trying to fix my hair and reapply makeup that I was sweating off faster than I could put it on.  Insane hot!!!!!!  Anyway, the pool…..we had so much fun in the pool.  

Now, on to the real issue……my Band!!!   I had my first fill yesterday.  Took him an hour and a half to find the port.   He kept saying he’d reschedule me for Monday for a fluro when he would give up and I would say… “I’m not trying to pressure you, but you can keep trying if you want.  The needles aren’t freaking me out and I’ll deal with the bruise just fine.”  I didn’t want him to do something he felt he shouldn’t do but I got the sense he wanted to get it, I was doing okay and didn’t want to have to come back on Monday, and I was handling it okay.  I told him I wouldn’t be upset either way…whatever was best.  Finally he got it!!!!!  He had me drink until the water stopped and went nowhere and then he backed it off to 1 cc.  So, now I have 1 cc in a 4cc/9.75 cm band…I finally thought to ask what kind of band I have.  There is a VG—which he says is mostly for men, there is a 10 cm and a 9.75 cm.  I have the 9.75 cm.  I’m on liquids for 2-3 days, then mushies and so on….hoping this is a good fill but I know it usually takes several.  My next is scheduled on 9-15!  Don’t get me wrong, it was an ordeal, but it wasn’t my fault and it wasn’t his fault…it was just hard to get.  I had to lie flat and hold my head up because in that position the muscles in my abdomen seemed to help him find what he was looking for.  I’m pretty easygoing about stuff like that….and I know he’s used to some really demanding patients, which I’m not at all…so I think he’s finally getting that I’m pretty consistently a nice person.  
 

Early on in the week, I was up to 253 for some reason but I think it was water weight gain because as of this morning, I am at 245, which is a 40!!!! pound loss since i started this whole process.  That makes me so happy.  Last night we went to the Faith Hill/Tim McGraw concert in Little Rock and it was great.  I was 40 pounds lighter than the last concert I went to in March and I felt great about myself.  Even though I have much more to go, I feel very excited today.  I know I will teeter between 245 and 247 for the next few days, and then before I know it, I'll be at 243....and just keep on going.  I think I was successful yesterday because I had 3 small meals, and no snacking in between and I got in more protein than normal....I've got to have more days like that!

I was on a trip all of last week for business--surrounded by food, practicing self-control.  I did really good, even being way off track.  A couple of times I got light-headed because I refused to have snacks because my meals were calorie-dense because I had to eat what I was served rather than having my planned meals.  I exercised to the Walk Away the Pounds DVD so many on OH have recommend.  It is terrific, but not the same as the treadmill.  Here's the bottom line--I didn't lose, but I didn't gain and I think that's great news for me.  Starting today, I'm back on the program, but it's been a little hard. 

When I think about cheating, sometimes, I go read the Memorials section of OH.  It reminds me that I laid my life on the line to lose this weight and I cannot cheat or decide not to exercise when I walked into the hospital that morning knowing I might never return to my husband and small children.  I read those stories of patients (mostly RNY) with small children who never came home from the surgery and it reminds me of how serious this was and how serious it could have been (and could still be if I don't do all that I'm supposed to do).  It's so unfair that there were people just like me, no major health problems who had the surgery and died.  And, I just like to remember that I can't take this too lightly or blow off a day by cheating.  I risked my life to lose the weight and I intend to lose the weight!  May God bless me and you in our journies.  May we all have the courage to make this work for us in light of all the others who never had the chance.

Okay--I can't leave on such a sad note.  My husband and I are taking the kids to Disneyworld in a couple of weeks, so I have to walk, walk, walk and be strong until then.  I want to lose at least 10 pounds but that will be difficult.  I will settle for no less than 5, be happy with 10 and ecstatic if I could be at 230 by then!!!!!  I'm going to give it my all starting right now at 4:30 pm CST on Saturday, July 22, 2006. 

Non Scale Victories I am seeking:

1)         To get on any airplane without worrying that I won’t be able to fasten my seatbelt

2)         To go to Disneyworld with my children and ride rides and feel good no matter how physically demanding it is.

3)         To have my back pain stop completely

4)         To have my husband make some incredible comment when I begin to feel smaller in his arms

5)         To fit in my wedding dress again (a weight of about 191 pounds)

6)         To be able to walk 30 minutes on the treadmill without stopping at 3.7 mph

7)         To sit comfortably in the small chairs at my childrens’ schools without fear of breaking them.

8)         To be able to walk 1 hour on the treadmill without stopping at 3.7 – 4.0 mph

9)         To wear a swimsuit and play in the water with my children when we are camping or in a hotel with a pool without feeling embarrassed

10)       Go out to eat Mexican or Italian or whatever and feel satisfied with a much smaller portion than I used to eat.

11)       Have the people who have not been supportive of my decision agree that I made a good choice for my future.

12)       To have my children never be embarrassed or concerned about my weight again.

13)         To be much lighter than my husband, even when he loses weight.

14)         If I ever have to look for another job, to be light enough that hiring managers don’t make assumptions about me based on my weight instead of my qualifications and abilities.

15)       To motivate and inspire another person based on my own success and decisions.

16)       To recognize some way that I have made life better for other people because of my weight loss.

17)       To be less irritable with my family and enjoy life more.

18)       To have my symptoms of a prolapsed uterus/bladder disappear

19)       To buy clothing in the misses department

One month postop and I am doing so great!  I still have some soreness occasionally--mostly when I sit too long at my desk at work.  Today, I hit 249 pounds!!!!!!  I am SOOOOO happy to be under 250!!!!!  I can't believe the amount of inches I have lost.

Pre-op measurements:

Bust           49"

Waist         50"

Hips           57 1/2"

Neck          17 1/4"

Current measurements:

Bust            44"

Waist          42"

Hips            49 1/2"

Neck           16"

I was wearing a 24 in pants and either a 22/24 or a 26/28 in shirts.  Today I went shopping for a business trip and a 20 is just a little too tight and a 22 is a little too loose.  Such a great problem to have!!!!!  My husband wraps his arms around me and every time he does he says I can't believe how far around you I can reach.  He completely wraps me up--his hands touch his arms on the other side of me....it's incredible to feel that instead of us barely even being able to hug!!!!!  I cannot believe the amazing progress.

I have been to one support group meeting--it was a little discouraging because they were RNY people--some successful, some not, but the newbies were like, "I'm one month post-op and I've lost 64 pounds!"  and then I'm like, "I'm one month post-op and I've lost 11 pounds (at that time)" and they all looked at me like, what's wrong with you??!!  LOL!

Anyway, I couldl not be happier.  I walk either outside or on the treadmill every morning and evening.  In the morning, I don't have enough time to walk all I want to--so I target at least 200 calories  and on a good day, 300 cals.  Then, at night I walk just as much as I possibly can--but I'm starting to have ankle trouble so I think I need to limit it to 30 minutes at a time.  Friday night I walked almost 70 minutes.  I could hardly make myself get on the treadmill but once I'm on, I keep saying, "Okay, I'll just burn 50 more calories and go to bed..."  but then I just get greedy and I want to burn more and more and more...but I can't hurt myself or I'll be in worse shape than before, so I'm going to quit overdoing it.

Next week is a huge challenge for me.  I'm still on mushies and I'm eating yogurt, pudding, etc. but I have a business trip--will be gone, flying here and there all week long....no yogurt at 10 am, pudding at 2pm, etc.  I'll be off my schedule....and no treadmill unless I want to trot my fat rear in a public hotel fitness place, which doesn't appeal to me...i bought walk away the pounds dvd and a dance it off dvd...will do those on my laptop in my room and see how it goes...hopefully all will be well.

I have so much I want to say, but gotta go walk and fix dinner for the family so I'll have to catch the rest up later.

Okay…today, two weeks and one day after surgery and the gas pains finally settled in my left shoulder just as everyone said they would.  This evening, it is somewhat better so hopefully all that will be over in the next few days.  Second day on mushies—more chili “juice” with mashed up pinto beans for lunch and mashed potatoes from KFC for supper!  FF jello pudding for snack.  As much water as I can stand and about 16 oz of OJ today.    I have started taking my Crestor again and my iron tablet.  I have no restriction so they go right down….hopefully that will last.  They are both time release so I can’t crush them or split them.  I also chew two Flintstones Complete multivitamins every day.

Well it's been two weeks since I was banded and I am down 31 pounds since I started m pre-op liquid diet.  (254).  I got to start mushies today!!!  Never thought I would be so excited.  I made chili for the kids and I scooped out some of the juice and a few pinto beans, mashed it all up and it was delicious!!!!  My pain is considerably better.  My post-op check up is July 11th and my first fill is scheduled for July 28; however, I am going to be out of town so I have to postpone that which really makes me sad because I have real hunger and head hunger which I'd like to have a little restriction.  I am so scared of gaining back some of what I have lost already now that I can have some mashed up foods.  I know more than ever that the band is not magic.  It has not removed my desire for food.  It is controlling my portions.  I also have discovered that if I follow bander "eating" rules to the T, I will not lose weight if I don't exercise.  I must exercise.  I am walking at least 30 minutes a day but it's not enough.  I am really glad I did this and feel so much better with this 30 pounds off!!!!!!!!!!!!   The thrush is also better.

1 week out from surgery and I have thrush!  Called dr. and he prescribed Nystatin.

ALL of the details of my surgery:  (Written 6-17-2006)

Had the surgery on Wed (6-14) inpatient at Baptist Med Center in Little Rock .  Here's how it went:  My husband and I arrived at 5:30 am and they took me back for prep.  I was so nervous I kept feeling like I needed to go to the bathroom, but couldn't.  They were supposed to let my hubby come back from 6 to 7, but of course, they couldn't get the IV  in me...a continual problem for me.  Like other times, I ended up with 4 people staring and thumping at my arms, with 2 trying to "get" the IV at a time.  This one guy, Juan, kept putting his bi-focals on, and believe me he didn't care how bad he was hurting me.  It was like they were in a contest or something.  But, I'm accustomed to all of this.  It happens every time I have any reason to have an IV.  Sometimes they walk in and just say, "No.  I'm not doing that.  Get so-and-so, she might be able to."  Anyway, I survived all of that and they finally got an anesthesiologist in there and he was able to get it.  Before it was all over there were 2 anesthesiologist in there working on it.  Pretty crazy!  

They gave me a shot of Heprin (sp?) to help control blood clots and I continued to get shots of that about every 12 hours until I went home.  This is given in the abdomen and it doesn't hurt...just a very small sting...almost like getting bit by a fly. 

 They put these inflatable things on my legs from ankle to knee (compression things…).  They are hooked up to a machine and they inflate every little bit and increase your circulation in your legs...another technique to try to reduce risks of developing blood clots. 

 I was SO HAPPY when the anesthesiologist I had met with during pre-testing walked in my door.  He knew my situation (difficulty with intubation) and said he would take good care of me.

Finally, my husband got to come back there and that's when I started having to fight back the tears, so scared it would be the last time I would ever see him.  (The night before I was hugging my babies when we dropped them off at their respective places trying to soak them up just in case.  This has been a difficult thing for me to risk my life like this.)

A very nice nurse came to get me and when she saw me tearing up, she said, "Hubby, you just walk right there beside her." and she let him walk all the way to the entrance with me.  Then she told him it was time to take me in and he gave me a big hug.  Of course I broke down for a minute but I was desperately trying not to sob and to not get my nose all stuffy because I didn't want to have any trouble with my CPAP machine.  

They had me move over to the operating table and they put up arm rests, covered me with very warm blankets which felt great and put an oxygen mask on me.  That's when things begin to get a little fuzzy.  I remember talking to the surgeon and that the nurse was very sweet but I don't remember what they said exactly.  I told myself to bring in all the oxygen I could so that I would not lose so many brain cells while they were trying to intubate me :)  The last thing I remember is being groggy and the anesthesiologist saying, "I'm going to hold this mask tighter on your face where it's supposed to be" and he pressed down on my face.  I took a deep breath of oxygen (probably mixed with something else...lol) and that was it.  The next thing I knew I was in recovery and I realized my CPAP machine was on.  I also realized my mask had a leak but I could not stay awake long enough to tell them.  The nurse kept waking me up saying, "You've got a morphine pump here.  Just push the button every 8 minutes."  Okay...I don't know how many times she said that to me but it seemed like hundreds and I was so sleepy I didn't care and never tried to push the button.  The only other thing I remember from recovery is the nurse telling someone that I had had some trouble with bleeding but they had finally gotten it stopped.  I also remember her saying that my blood pressure had been too low and was finally starting to come up.   I don't remember going to my room at all.  I don't remember moving to a new bed.  I basically don't remember anything about recovery.  I do think I remember that I got to the room at 1:00 pm.  Not long after, my husband came in and touched my arm and I jolted...then I felt pain!!!  And, the first thing I said to him that I remember, "Is that clock right?"  and the second thing, "I have a morphine pump and I can push the button every 8 minutes.  Where is that button?"  :)  Now, I cared!!!

They came in and told my husband that they were going to do a barium swallow test on me at 3:30 but it was more like 5:30 or 6:00 that night.  I had to drink the nasty barium but it was nice to have something in my dry throat at first.  But then I had to keep drinking and keep drinking and I was in a LOT of pain at this point.  I was also nauseous and their machine wasn't working and they were having me turn from side to side.  FINALLY they took me back to my room and by the time I got there I was SOOOOO sick. I kept telling my husband that I was going to throw up. They got a trash can and I hurled and hurled but nothing came up....they were just nasty barium burps with that dry heave feeling.  The dr. told the nurses to turn off my morphine because he thought that was making me sick.  I tried to explain to them that I KNOW my body....I need 15-20 hours to recover from trauma and anesthesia, including epidurals with having babies, etc.  EVERYTIME they get me up too soon and if they'd just give me a few more hours, my body would work it out.   I kept asking for something for nausea and all he would give me was Reglan, which does not help nausea, trust me.  If I could have just had something to help me not feel sick and something for the pain, I would have worked it all out.  By about 3:00 the next morning they gave me some different pain medicine and I sat up for awhile and went to the bathroom.  Oh yeah, that reminds me.  I do remember the nurse removing the catheter while I was in recovery.  That's a vivid memory! Anyway, the first few times I had to push like having a BM just to pee and it was killing me and it burned like fire!  Around 9:00 am the day after surgery, I could pee with no problem and no hurting, so I guess it just takes a little bit. 

Anyway, I walked the halls from about 10 am to Noon, then I took a shower and we left around 1:00 pm.  Hospital stay = 6/14 at 5:30 am to 6/15 at 1:00 pm.

My husband said they called him at 8:20 and said that the surgery was underway and that around 11:30, the surgeon came to see him and said they were able to intubate me on the first try and that everything went fine.   

 BACK HOME!!!!After my shower and the drive home, I was doing okay.  Feeling a little car sick from the ride but okay.  I walked around the house for a while and then went to bed.  I have continued since then to be in some serious pain.  I hear these stories of people who drove themselves home, had the surgery out patient, went back to work two days later and I feel so wimpy..but I can tell you, this pain I feel is real.  My incisions are starting to ooze a little (tape blisters) but my doc said to leave the tape alone.  The blisters itch, hurt and burn. 

Gas pain has been tremendous on top of muscle aches all over my body.  I am bruised in unusual places for no apparent reason...I'm assuming it was something that happened during surgery.  My rear end is even bruised...

I have had constant diarrhea.  Can't pass gas without going to the bathroom because 'I never know what's going to happen!  I am pretty weak, too.

Little by little it gets better.  The gas in my back and shoulders hurts as bad as my incisions, but it is starting to roll around a lot....it moves all the way up and down my insides...I'll be so glad when all of that is gone.. 
 

My stomach is swollen--bigger than it ever was when I was pregnant!!!!!   

I can tell you that this surgery compared to my laprascopic gall bladder removal was MUCH worse!!!!  This is definitely worse than the 3 difficult labors I had--including a forceps delivery and 3 failed epidurals.  The worst pain I have ever felt....but today, Saturday, 3 days after, I am starting to feel like I'm going to make it.   

I feel a duty to tell it like it is....but also to point out that most people seem to breeze thru this with very little pain, according to the posts I read.  I haven't breezed thru it....but next year, when I'm down 100 pounds I'll be glad I did it!!!  I keep telling myself that.  

I'm having strained broth from chicken noodle soup, about 4 tablespoons a day.  I'm having LOTS of ice chips because that seems to settle better with me than anything.  I have had 2 tablespoons of a protein drink yesterday--will try to do that again today.  I'm hungry in the lower part of my stomach (growling) but feel like if I eat anything I'll throw up, so I err on the side of caution.  I DO NOT LIKE PAIN AND I DO NOT LIKE TO THROW UP!   

I also drank some cranberry juice yesterday (4 oz) over the course of the day to try to not get a urinary tract infection.   

I feel like I need to burp every time I drink anything and then the burping is painful.  I hope that gets better.  I can handle burping as long as it is not painful.

Oh--the other thing--I am scared to swallow pills....I am so scared of experiencing pain or having something stuck.  I have not started retaking my Iron or my Crestor because I am scared.  I'll post about that and see what others have to say.

Here's where I started:

May 23rd       285 pounds (my heaviest)

June 14th      263 pounds (after strict adherence to 3 week liquid diet)

June 17th      262.5  still there I think because of all the swelling.  Not discouraged.  I just want to get past the pain.  Then, I'll think about losing weight.