Lose weight get healthy and get my life on track

My bank denied me & since I was counting on them to come through fo rme ..I had racked up a year of visits trying to get prepared for the surgery & then they denied me..I had another bank check & now that my credit is ruined I can't get a loan anywhere so I am forver trapped in this fat body..I'm way beyond depressed..I try & stick to the diets that my dietician at weight wise had given me..at 1st I got mad & ate whatever the heck I wanted & didnt care..I tried for over a year & faield at losing the weight I needed to ..just to have surgery & then my bank failed on me..I had already paid off one loan but I gues I wasnt a good enough risk for them to give me the loan to save my life...I  havent came here in a long time because it only depresses me further to see everyone else getting to have the surgery...I wish I wasnt so poor..my health is so bad that I am lucky to have the job I have with the very poor insurance they offer..I turn the channel everytime I see commercials for the surgery...It's just not fair...but it''s my OWN fault that I am like this.. So I have no one to blame...and no escape either...

I had to cancel my last appointment because I am totally broke..Between all the medicine I have to buy because of my horrible health & all the diet food from weightwise I was over drawn over $400 & then I got paid & bank took my whole check & I was still overdrawn $96...So I had to cancel all appointments..I do not have any diet food..And to top it off I have not been walking in over a week because my right knee has been hurting...well it's more like the right side of leg kind of where it bends in back of knee..tendon maybe?? Needless to say it hurts..carrying all this fat is not been nice to my knees...It all my fault that my health is so horrible..I am going to try & get back to walking tonight & I am going to start over & just walk a mile & build back up..I am still doing my stretches everyday.

This past Thursday 7/16/07 I went to Weight Wise for my now...Every 2 week visit & I lost 7 pounds..Well it was 7 pounds the day before at Willie Street's office! Weight Wise scales say 6.5  But even still...I am so so happy! Dr. Broussard wants me to lose 11 more pounds... So I'm still sticking to my diet & still walking 2 miles around the football track..Tonight I am going to try & kick it up to 3 miles.. or at least 2.5 Anyway wanted to give a good report for once!
If anyone would like to join me for a walk around the Tonkawa football feild let me know.. I work at Ponca every day except Thursday & Friday & would walk with anyone here in Ponca on those days I get off work at 5pm on Saturday & Sunday & 3:30pm on all my other days. I do alot better when I have someone to talk to while I am walking...Seems alot easier to me anyway...

7/19 I went to the clinic & I gained 3 pounds & they said the only thing stopping me from having my surgery is me not getting this weight off so I am still on the agressive diet plan & I am going to try & increase my walking..
I have been super depressed...I told Kathy that at weight wise & she told me to follow up with my Dr. so I called Dr. Sterrt's office Friday & got machine & I left message saying I thought my zoloft was not helping anymore because I have been really depressed more than usual. I was a bit teary eyed..
His nurse called me back & asked the usual questions & asked if I ever had thoughts of suicide & I said yeah but I would never act on them & the next thing I know the police are at my door.. Saying Willie had called them & said his nurse told him that I had told her that I wanted to "END IT ALL" I ASSURE YOU....I NEVER SAID THAT! Needless to say I was taken to the police station..I went on my own free will with them & I sat in front seat & they were super nice to me..But the nurse & the police officers were just doing thier jobs & I am thankful for them..but all I wanted  was to see if Dr. Street would get me in for a viisit so I could see about getting my meds changed.
Anyways that was what happened during my 2 days off this week..I have been deppresed a very long time...but these last two weeks or more it seems to have gotten worse.....I took my 1st lexapro last night & Kathy told me to only take 100mg of the Zoloft instead of 200 & then cut it down to 50 and then start taking only the lexapro. I am very hesitant about calling Dr. Street's office for fear of them putting me in the hospital.. Anyway I am doing better today...Anyone wana go walking with me at the football field...I need to get this weight off...Jesus please help me..I can't do it on my own..I will leave it at your feet..I pray you will help me..

I have not posted in forever..I have not been too motivated as of late...I am so depressed & I can't sleep & I just can't quit crying.... I am so scared when I go to the clininc... I am afraid I will never lose my weight & I am trying..
I am so stressed..I am so wanting to give up...I mean in a few months it will be a year...I still have not lost the weight...well I have lost some but as usual it comes right back on...I am a failure.............