Lose weight get healthy and get my life on track

My bank denied me & since I was counting on them to come through fo rme ..I had racked up a year of visits trying to get prepared for the surgery & then they denied me..I had another bank check & now that my credit is ruined I can't get a loan anywhere so I am forver trapped in this fat body..I'm way beyond depressed..I try & stick to the diets that my dietician at weight wise had given me..at 1st I got mad & ate whatever the heck I wanted & didnt care..I tried for over a year & faield at losing the weight I needed to ..just to have surgery & then my bank failed on me..I had already paid off one loan but I gues I wasnt a good enough risk for them to give me the loan to save my life...I  havent came here in a long time because it only depresses me further to see everyone else getting to have the surgery...I wish I wasnt so poor..my health is so bad that I am lucky to have the job I have with the very poor insurance they offer..I turn the channel everytime I see commercials for the surgery...It's just not fair...but it''s my OWN fault that I am like this.. So I have no one to blame...and no escape either...