My story - where do I begin!  I have been heavy since I was little.  Probably somewhere around 8 years old.  I remember a photo (I still have) from my going away party when I move from Southern California to Minnesota - looking  at it and jumping on a scale cause I looked so bad.  I was 115 pounds and in the 5th grade.  I felt so ashamed.  That was the first time in my life I ever felt fat.  When I started the 6th grade in Minnesota, I remeber kids asking me where I was from and when I told them California - the look and tone in their voices sayign "I though everyone in California was skinny and wore bathing suits?"  Another blow to the self-esteem.  No one in California had ever let me know I was fat - but Minnesotans were so different.  Luckily, moving to MN was a positive experience for me physically.  There is so much more room and I had so much more freedom.  I quickly began loosing weight!  I was in sports from track, basketball, gymnastics and cheerleading.  I graduated Highschool in 1998 weighing 140 pounds.  I knew I had a little extra weight on me, but was entirely happy with my achievements. 

Starting college and working a ton, made me lose even more without trying.  By the end of my freshman year I was down to 125 pounds and looking very fit and trim.  I was proud of myself and felt relly good (the male attention was awesome!)  I met my husband in August of 1999 feeling great about myself.  He is a bit lazy and in spending time with him, I gave up my social running around and alot of my favorite activities (voleyball, rollerblading, and hanging out at the beach).  Hindsight is 20/20 and I never should have done that - especially for a guy!  So I gained a little weight - up to 135 starting through my sophmore year of college.  My husband (then boyfriend) moved 3 hours away to college in August of 2000.  I got severely depressed and started gaining weight again.  I couldn't seem to catch up to it once it started.  Even counting calories and not eating more than 1400 calories a day I gained 75 pounds that year.  I went to the doctor and he said "just keep journaling your food and you will lose".  3 Months later and he still repeated the same mantra.  I begged for a thyroid test and he refused.  I got married in June 2002 weighing over 200 pounds and ashamed.  Shortly after getting married we moved to my husbands hometown.  We started trying to get pregnant in February.  Over the previous 6 months I had been having chest pain on a daily basis - ignoring it as most healthcare proivders do.  It got to a point where throughout the day this feeling of something grasping my heart for 5-10 seconds would overcome me and then let go.  This would happen up to 4 times a day.  Finally, one day I couldn't keep any food down.  I just kept throwing up.  I was convinced I was pregnant and overjoyed.  So off to the doctor I went.  Nope - not pregnant.  Did abdominal x-rays and all sorts of blood tests.... a mystery.  After 3 days of this, I went back in now with fullblown abdominal pain.  He wanted to do an endoscopy!  I was like no.... please.  On an off chance he asked me if I had ever had my thyroid tested.  I told him I had once - but the levelas were fine.  He said he wanted to run them just in case.  Guess what - it was so far off the charts he said he had never seen a thyroid that out of whack.  He also stated that you can have hypothyroidism for years without the blood levels showing it.  He said that's why I couldn't lose the weight and I never would have gotten pregnant that way.  Within 4 days of taking the Synthroid - I felt absolutely wonderful. 

I got pregnant a few months later - in June of 2003.  Delivered a beautiful baby girl via cesearean section on February 20th 2004 weighing 232 pounds.  Quickly through breastfeeding and not taking care of my nutritional needs, I lost 50 pounds within 6 weeks.  Down to 180!!!  Though once I remembered to eat again I quickly regained up to 219 pounds in November of 2004.  I started Weight Watchers online and within the first 3 weeks I was down to 200!  Awesome!  But even working the program, I stalled out there and eve gained a few pounds back.  Felling discourage after a few months I went back to my old eating habits.  Oh back up to over 220!  Grrrrrrr....  I have been yoyoing since.

I started looking into bariatric surgery in January of 2007.  Partly because I perform Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypasses on a weekly basis and would see the results of these people and be so jealous.  I knew because I was lighter in weight, I wouldn't be able to have it.  I even had someone suggest to me to gain weight to qualify.  As if I was going to purposely gain more weight just to have surery to lose it?  Never!!!  Then in February, I was out with friends sober and my knee gave way right out from under me.  That was so painful.  I dislocated my patella and on the dance floor pulled it back into place myself (being a nurse, I know how to do that stuff).  I hobbled to my car and drove with cruise control to the ER.  Turns out I tore my MCL (Medial ligament in my knee) and had dislocated it.  I was off work and in physical therapy for 6 weeks.  As it turns out, I have knocked - knees pointing outwards and the orthopedic surgeon was surprised that was the first time I had dislocated and said I am really prone to it and to expect it again - partially due to my weight.  So now here I was - I can't really exercise (for crying out loud I could barely walk!) and they want me to lose weight how?  When I returned to work in March - I attended a bariatric seminar for the RNY, even though I was convinced the Band was the way to go.  My surgeon is a very good friend of mine and used me at the info session to ask intelligent questions for other to gain answers to that were to afraid or didn't know to ask.  After gaining more insight, I attended a support group meeting with a coworker and 5 year out RNY'er.  It was amazing seeing all these people so happy!  I quickly scheduled my first appoinment with the bariatric coordinator.  At my initial appointment in April 2007 - I weighed in at 222.5 pounds - BMI of 37.1.  WOW.  She said she didn't think Iwould be approved but we would start the process anyway.  I was very disappointed and put off from my intial meeting with her.  And I let my friend the surgeon know it.  Being the fact I am a surgical nurse, I see how the procedure is done and the few complications and people who have to comeback.  And sometimes, knowledge is a scary thing.  I got freaked out and stopped the process.  I really wanted to have this done before July 1st, 2007 for the insurance year as I had already fulfilled my out of pocket maximum through the knee injury.  But I was too scared and stopped.  I found out on June 28th I was pregnant - something we had been trying to accomplish for over 2 years - many tests had been run and fertility drugs taken.  I was amazed!!    To make a long emotional story short - my baby died at 9 weeks and I had a D&C at 10 weeks.  Between that and some marital issues, I was pushed into thinking about taking care of myself again.  I restarted the process again in late August.  Setting up my second meeting with the bariatric nurse, making a appointment for a psychological evaluation and making appointments to see my primary MD.  I was a little scared mentioning bariatric surgery to her - but was pleasantly surprised when she wholeheartedly agreed this would be a good thing for me.  She started naming off my co-morbidities that qualified me for this and I was suprised it.  Thinking to myself - geez I am way more unhealthy than I thought I was.  Topping the list was Pre-diabetic.  I had 2 fasting glucose levels too high and was on Metformin already (more for fertility reasons) but that was number 1.  I have high cholesterol, infertility, stress incontience, bad joints, and my BMI was over 35.  Plus the hypothyroidism which doesn't count but she believes will be my only health problem otherwise.  She was more than happy to write a letter to the insurance company for me as was my ortho doctor and my OBGYN.  I made the appointment with my surgeon and we discussed banding vs bypass and he said if I were his sister (which I practically am family) he would recommend the bypass.  So after researching more - I choose the Roux-En-Y.  I met with the coordinator once more and had already lost my required 10 pounds by the end of September.  Everything fell ito place and she submitted my papers to insurance.  I was pre-scheduled for surgery on October 9th.  When Oct 5th came around and still no word from insurance we had to cancel.  I called the insurance company and they would not give me any information saying the surgeon's office had to call.  So I had the coordinator call and they said they never received any paperwork on me!!  So we resubmitted for insurance on October 16th.  I honestly thought I would be denied and have to appeal becuase of my lower BMI.  On October 23rd, I received my approval!!!!!!!!!!!  Now - when to do the surgery was another whole issue.  One factor being my work schedule.  I have a couple of Holiday shifts pre-assigned and had to work around those.  Also the fact we have a Hawaiian trip from December 1st - 10th and my surgeon said I absolutely could not go on a plane for 12 hours within 2 weeks of surgery for fear of venous stasis (blood clots) and dehydration at a high altitude - and what if anything happened?  So before the trip was a no go.  The I though what about the day I get back?  December 11th sounded good.  A couple of issues there as well.  I wouldn't have seen my daughter for 10 days and to add 4 more onto would have been unbearable for her and I.  Another issue - my friend Matt, the reason for the Hawaiian trip - also my Nurse Anesthetist - would still be in Hawaii on his Honeymoon.  Also - what if something happened and I left someone covering my Holiday  - New Years.  I hate feeling so damn commited to my job and loyal to my coworkers, but I do.  So the next best choice to get everyone I wanted here and fulfill a sense of obligation to work - January 8th, 2008 was choosen.  What a great way to start the New Year!  Pray for a GREAT outcome!!!!