- HEALTH TRACKER
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My name is Samantha. I am a 32 year old mother of 2. My girls, Rainey and Megan are precious gifts from God!! I worry that I am not handling these gifts with the care He expects of me. I see the pattern in my own life carrying over to theirs. My weight has been an issue since high school. My oldest, now 13 is beginning to struggle with her weight. My youngest, now 10 has struggled with her weight since she was 4. I hate to see them endure the pain and humility I have in my life. I catch myself cautioning them to take control now, be more active now....while they can, before it is too late. Now mind you, I tell them how beautiful they are everyday....as they are. I just know all too well how cruel people can be and don't want them to fall victim to that. And I want them to have a better quality of life!!
Why do I say do something now? I know all too well how your body can give out on you! My own weight has gotten out of control. I am at my top weight of 252lbs. I have tried every diet out there. I suffer from Degenerative Disc Disease in my back and joint pain in my knees and hips. That makes it hard to excercise. Then on top of that and numerous other medical problems like hypertension and IBS, I also suffer from depression. I feel hopeless and alone. My husband; who is thin as a rail, and other family members do not understand why I don't just "Do something about it." Or in the ever so sweet words of my brother, "I know how you can fix that, staple your *@%# lips shut!" Like I choose to be this way. HA! What I wouldn't give to just feel healthy. That is why I want this surgery. If I could just get the weight off, my back wouldn't hurt me so....I would have the desire to get out of the bed and live my life. For the last year or so, the physical and mental anguish I endure has kept me a prisoner in my own home. I cannot handle how cruel people insist on being!!! I don't know what is worse, having someone act as if you are invisible, or call to your attention how pathetic you are....how you've really let yourself go.
I share this here because if anyone understands how I am feeling hopefully someone on this website will.Someone else may know what it's like to feel worthless and misunderstood. I am not a lazy person, at least that is not what I want to be. I just cannot physically do the things I once could. No, I am not the wife and mother I want to be. I do good to put one foot in front of the other most days. I have begged for death because I don't see any end to this pain in sight. If anyone can point me in the right direction to much needed help in getting this surgery, I would greatly appreciate it.
I see this as a last resort, and the hope for a new start all in one. I cannot take living in this broken shell anymore. Please Help Me!!