ObesityHelp

Wow long time.  Big changes.  Divorced, remarried and found out last month new baby on the way.  Doing well maintaining up a little but that is because I had severe back problems and ended up with a spinal fusion last August.  Babywise I have had a big problem with dumping on everything.  I have always dumped but it is excessive now.  Last labs low on Iron so I am on Bifera, but all is good and I wouldn't change a thing.  Pray for a boy we have 4 girls full time.     

Wow 3 years.  I am doing good.  My appetite is back but I am trying to make good choices.  I do gain some. I can get it off but  I have to work at it though.  This year has been the worst year of my life.  I'm so glad its over.  My dad died after a successful liver transplant.  Unfortunately after they opened the old liver up they found bile duct cancer and 3 months later it went to his lungs.  He died 5 weeks after we found out it was in his lungs.  2 months later I walked out of my marriage.  It had been bad for several years.  The week my dad died he said to me.  " i put your mom through hell, but the difference was I wanted to change.  He doesn't, don't waste your life with that, your way to great".  He was right.  I feel empowered and free.  I can finally admit it was an emotionally abusive relationship.  He has chosen right now not to see our daughters which is tough on them, but he is so mentally not well that its for the better.  His daughter who lived with us for 6 years moved back to her mom's ( he told her there relationship was over, who does that?).  Her mom is letting me have her visitation so she is here with her sisters a lot.  Hopefully the divorce will be over soon, so we can move on with our lives.  My mom is doing great.  She is leaving for Florida for 3 months and then this summer is renting a home in England.  Yeah we get to go to Europe.  I can't wait.  My goal for this year is to get my plastic surgery done, I think I'm ready for it.  I also want to start playing tennis again.  I can't wait to see wait 2009 has in store for the girls and me.  I'm so excited.....

I haven't posted in a long time, so I guess its time for an update.  There has been so many changes in my life that I don't think I can put them all down as I will forget some.  I have had a very difficult marriage for over 2 1/2 years.  It was very toxic.  I decided I was worth more than that, plus I wanted my daughters to see that I believed I was worth more , they have witnessed alot.  I filed for divorce., after 11 years.   I am at peace with my decision and my girls are doing well, unfortunately it is going to be messy as I  can't comunicate at all with my soon to be x.  My dad died at the end of March after a transplant, they found out he had cancer and when they shut down his immune system the cancer spread from his liver to his lungs.  He died 5 weeks after they found the cancer.  Rny wise, I am doing ok.  My nerves are shot so I seem to be throwing up alot, nothing seems to agree.  My weight is stable, labs are good, and mentally I am doing ok. I can't wait to see what my new life has instore for me.   

I posted this today in response to a pre-ops post about questions to ask yourself before surgery.  Re-posting it here for anyone who wants to read.

Your relationship with food, is an area that definately  needs to be explored, before surgery.  When I had my surgery St. V's classes focused on aftercare.  No one ever mentioned that I may have emotional issues after.  I never realized how much I used food as my "drug".  I ate when I was happy, sad, frustrated, angry, stressed out , bored and especially at night when I couldn't sleep.  I used food as an escape.  The fact that I can't use food to cope with life, has been my biggest problem since surgery.  People always said  I was laid back, easy going, always helpful, never wanted confrontations.  Well that was because I could eat it all away.  Now I can't and I'm having to deal with issues that upset me, make me angry, stress me out.  People that have known me for a long time, say I've changed.  I tend to say what I think now, which doesn't go over well, when I've always been the "get along" kind of girl.  I have had terrible issues with insomnia since surgery.  I started to take ambien, and involuntarily got in my truck at 3:30 in the morning and hit a pole.  No more ambien for me.  I'm going to counseling now, have done it in the past, but now without food I have to learn new ways to cope, to handle stress.  The weight loss part has been easy for me.  I'm under goal,  a "success" story.  The emotional part has been hard.  I look at before pictures of me.  I was miserable because I was so heavy, but I was happy, life was good.  Now, I'm proud of my weight loss and don't want to go back to the old self, but learning to live with the new self is hard.   Again this is just me and my experience.  I don't hear much about the emotional sides to WLS very often.  I used to laugh when I heard people talking about transfer of addictions.  I kind of did that with the Ambien.  I am not taking anything to alter my mood or to help with insomnia now.  I am facing all my "stuff" head on.  I didn't realize I had any "stuff" to work on before surgery.  I was so wrong.   If anyone asks me if I've had any complications, I am truthful.  I tell them "not pysically, but emotionally its been rough".  I think its important that pre-ops know this.  It isn't a "fun ride" all the time.  If you deal with emotional eating get help before surgery.  If your not sure if you do, start checking, become aware of when you eat and why.    Would I do it all over?  Some days I do think, man it was easier to live in a heavy body and not deal with life, but it wasn't fair to me, my family, or anyone I deal with.  People are just going to have to learn to live with the new me, like it or not.  I have to learn to live with the new me.  The old easy going, helpful, do anything for anyone, Sarah is gone.  The new " I need this, that is not o.k., stop, I don't want to hear all your problems, doesn't take crap from anyone" Sarah is here.    This hits all areas of my life, friends, family, job.  I have to find a happy medium.  I'm working on it.   My family has been really supportive, thank heaven for them.  i couldn't have made it through this without them.  Would I do it again? Yes

Sarah  

I just realized I haven't updated in awhile.  Well I did it, I hit my goal weight this month.   My goal was 140 and I am 136.  I wanted to wait a few days to make sure it was really true.  I have been really sick, so that may be why I finally lost those last few pounds.   I have had a terrible sinus infection and the drainage fills my pouch and then I get really nauseated.  I ended up in the ER dehydrated and after 2 bags of fluid I still only gained a pound. 

 I have decided to postpone my plastic surgery.  I just don't feel mentally prepared yet.  I need a break, I need to get stuff done around my house.  I don't need to add anymore stress right now to my family, we all are not handling stress very well right now.

 Went to Florida for spring break, felt great in a bathing suit.  My mom says I still slouch like I did when I was heavy and need to stand up straight. I will work on that.  

This month I want to increase my exercise and work on doing something nice for someone else.

We'll see how it goes.