Today is my two month surgiversary: 41lbs lost!  Wow! I started exercising (treadmill walking) over a week ago and I'm starting to see the benefit. My clothes, even my tight jeans are too big and I'm swimming in them. I don't want to get new stuff yet though. Not too sure why though. Maybe I'm not ready to face it yet but wow. I haven't seen the 240's in a long long time. I'm only a few pounds away from 100's which I haven't seen since the 80's!  

My face really shows the weight loss and my arms look saggier than before. My gut is still big but not as pregnant looking as before. I know I'm jumping the gun but I can't wait to get plastics. I'm only 36 but I look about 50 cuz my face is dropping. I'm used to seeing a round face but now it seems longer, my double chin is more noticeable cuz my cheeks aren't so fat now; my 'cheekbones' are nonexistent and I have deep nasolabial folds that are becoming more noticeable. I figure by the time I get to goal (135-140), I'll really need the work. 

For WLS, I had to go the Dr Rabkin after months of research cuz he is to me, best of the best. For PS, I am going out of the US cuz I have researced and feel not only can I get the best work done but also spend a whole lot less doing it "abroad".  I do, however, want to have my TT done here in the US and hopefully have insurance cover it.  

Now, I'm 'bout to embarass myself further by posting my PS dream list:

1. Lower Body Lift (Tummy, Butt & Thighs)
2. Upper Body Lift (Back, Boobs, Arms)
3. MidFace Lift

Anywhoo, I'm bored and tired. Just wanted to check in before I take a nap. Even 2mths later, I still get drained rather easily. 

HW (following RNY): 308/SW 286/ CW 245/ GW 135

My co-worker had RNY in November and has lost about 90lbs. She looks good but she's not done. I brought some chili and cheese to work for lunch and she damn near had a coronary saying how I shouldn't be eating that and how it's loaded with fat and calories and this and that and the other. I tried to explain that I had the DS and that I am okay to eat high protein foods including chili no beans with cheese. She didn't believe me saying how she was disappointed in me cuz she thought I'd do better. I understand she didn't mean any harm but unless you absolutely know what you're talking about, why judge? I know I'm okay to eat chili. I know I'm okay to eat cheddar cheese. I know I can eat high protein and yes, even fats are okay as I don't absorb about 80% of the fat due to the nature/anatomy of the DS. Anywhoo.Just wanted to get that off my chest.

I don't know why that bugged me so. Maybe cuz I've had a lot of personal things going on in my life (my 18yr old has a major medical issue, my 16yr old is about to get knocked the *F* out, my bills, my finances, my grades, my job, the X factor, this, that and the other). 

Eveything is happening at once and I'm trying not to be too discouraged.  I have been down but not depressed though.  Just trying to remind myself that "this too shall pass" as inscribed on King Solomons ring in the Bible. 

I'm thankful this semester is over cuz I really need the break. I don't know what possessed me to think I could carry a full load in school and recover from surgery. I've not been doing too much (okay, I haven't done any) socializing and I just go to work and come home. 

Anywhoo, I just started hitting the gym. Today will be my 4th treadmill workout postop. I couldve started long ago but hadn't decided to get to it til now.  I know the power of exercise will truly make the weight loss work. I'm kinda excited and can't wait to see what will be once I make it to goal. I am beginning to believe I WILL be a success. After my RNY failure, it's been hard for me to fathom succeeding more often than not but I don't believe I've come this far for nothing...

I am 8wks post op today and down 33lbs 
(sw 286.cw253.gw135)

I went to my PCP's for my follow up and discovered that no, I did not lose to 250lbs, I lost down to 263. Talk about heartbroken. I went home to calibrate my scale and since then, have lost and regained and lost the same two  pounds. Today, I've lost them so my official 1st month weight loss is -26lbs. Not bad now that I think of it. I was just disappointed cuz I thought I'd lost more than I did.

Anywhoo, the stall would bother me except that I haven't been exercising (no energy) and from what I understand, a stall is fairly common somewhere in the 3-5wk range. Nonetheless, a sista is about to start exercising soon enough cuz I refuse to go through what I did w/my RNY.

I do eat carbs every so often. I've had goldfish crackers when my GERD was acting up and have had grilled cheese made with cheddar & jack cheeses sprinkled with parmesan (almost a quarter sandwich) and finally a quesadilla, again, same cheese filling. With both the sandwich and quesadilla, while I did bite each, I actually let them cool down then ate the melted cheese.

My tummy is still sensitive but no where near as bad as it was even a week ago. I can tolerate more liquids but I'm still working on protein. A few of the supplements taste and smell like medicine to me which makes me nauseous so I'm still working on that. 

Speaking of medicine, I started taking my vitamins and supplements at 3wks post op but I vomit a dose at least once a day. I'm gonna start spreading out the pills more so I'm taking something around once every 2-3hrs cuz I'm only tolerating one pill/capsule at a time.

Anywhoo, I'm bored and you're not talking about anything...

Luv Sharon

I did the final consult w/ Dr Rabkins PA Dana yesterday.  Spoke with Grace who said she's sending off to the insurance. I paid $10k of the surgeons fee ($8400 if you're a 1st time WLS patient) and have booked my flight and hotel.  I'd be really pissed if the insurance denied me but I don't see why they would. More than pissed, I'd probably be hurt to be honest.  

Either way, I'm moving forward with this. I'm soooo ready to move on with my life. My surgery is scheduled March 13, 2008 but I'll get there the day before to do the final blood work and whatever else.  

Luv Sharon

Still Doc shopping.  Someone mentioned Dr Kesheshian (sp) out of Cali.  I went to the website and wow. Ton's of info...only thing missing complete cost info.  Not to worry; I'll contact them on Monday to get additional info...

I will be searching for a Doc until I find THE ONE.  Hopefully, I'll do better in choosing a Dr than I do in choosing husbands...

Luv Sharon

When I saw the Dr supervising my 'multidisciplinary approach' last week, she asked why I wanted the DS. I explained because of the long term success in maintaining the weight loss.  She said yes, but there are a lot of complications so she wants me to talk to Dr P (another WLSurgeon) first.  I'm hoping he isn't going to try to debate the issue with me or that he's not going to try to convince me to go back to the RNY. 

I absolutely do not want another RNY...not even a distal. I heard someone somewhere say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. I must have DS or nothing. I dont want to be a 3x revision. RNY works for a whole lot of people-- I'm just not one of them. And I'm finally 'okay' with that but it took me years of seeing so many RNY successes and feeling like the only failure before I began to accept that it's not just me. 

In any case, I'm ready for whatever.  I look at the profiles of those who've made it to goal and wonder why many are so modest. I know in my heart of hearts that if I were to get to goal (145 in my mind), I would not be modest at all.  Victorias Secret and Fredericks clothes would be my best friends.  I swear I would. And why not?  I spent my entire adult life being fat and being ugly. No, it's not low self esteem, I'm a realist, and I'm not stupid.  I know what beauty is...not only in my eyes but in the eyes of society. There is very little about me that says "beauty". I want to look the way I've always felt inside. I want to feel the way I should at 35, not feeling like I'm an 80 year old woman. 

'Chic Mommy'; I want to be the mom with the energy to run after the kids, play with them and look cute doing it.  Why not me? I feel that way mentally, I just don't feel it physically and certainly don't look it. Am I vain for deciding I want more? Better health, better looks, better lifestyle?  Yes, there are plenty of beautiful big women. Yes, there are many women who are completely healthy apart from obesity.  If I was truly a healthy BBW, I wouldn't even consider going through this mess again. But far from healthy, I look sick.  

I am sick. 

Luv Sharon*