ObesityHelp

Today is my last day of work, and I start my new job next week. It's a good thing, actually a very good thing, but I am completely wracked with anxiety today. I feel guilty for leaving my current job, because they've been very kind and accommodating to me. I love change, but every time I go through a major one I make myself sick over it. 

Last night I bought some French salted caramel macaroons, not the coconut kind but the almond kind, and proceeded to eat one before dinner. I'd gotten cocky because sugar hadn't really been bothering me since surgery, and I figured I was just one of those people who don't dump on sugar. Then again, I'd only tried small amounts, and then always with meals. Well, it turns out that a sweet dessert on an empty stomach is NOT a good idea. Within minutes I knew I had made a huge mistake. By the time my chopped salad arrived I just wanted to lie down and curl up in a fetal position. I was dizzy, light-headed, spacy, and nauseated. And, I was trying to hide my symptoms because Tom had warned me to not eat that damned cookie! I didn't want him to be right! I started to get bitchy and snapped at him, and of course he noticed something was wrong. I finally had to admit that I was dumping, and he might have been slightly right about sugar before dinner not being the best idea. Ugh. When we got home, he reminded me that I was very stressed out (finances and the new job) and I was trying to cope in the only way I knew, which is to eat something comforting. Once I realized this, I felt like I could forgive myself-I was simply reacting out of habit, and not necessarily stupidity. So, I took a nice long shower, put on my pajamas and went to bed at 8:00. I think that'll be my coping strategy to stress for the time-being; at least hiding in bed doesn't have any calories!

Last night while shopping at Ikea, I saw my reflection in a full-length mirror and just  assumed it was distorted, making me look thinner. But, a few minutes later, I saw my full body in another mirror, and again I looked strangely thin. So this time, I asked Tom to look in the mirror with me. As he stood behind me,  I could see that it was a true reflection of his image. Whoa-so, that means that I might actually that thin! I even asked him if it looks like me, and he agreed that it did. In my mind I still look huge-maybe not as big as I was pre-surgery, but about 50 lbs. heavier. It's strange how my clothes can fit so differently, but I still can't see the difference in the mirror when I usually look in it at home. Maybe it's because my body shape hasn't changed that much. There's a lot less of me, but my stomach is still my biggest area, so clothes tend to not fit very well.

Reducing my wheat intake and taking ginger, turmeric, and fish oil seems to be helping with the arthritis-I'm getting around better, and my energy level seems improved. I plan to keep it up and hopefully see even better results.

This week I was very stressed out, due to my beloved cat Charlie being extremely sick. We are super broke right now, and ended up spending over $700 to get him treated. He's doing a lot better now, thank goodness, but I found myself turning to my old "friend", food. I found that I can eat handfuls of granola pretty much all day without getting sick, and that's what I did at work all week. My weight loss slowed way down as a result, so enough of that nonsense.

The great news is, I've got a new job! I wasn't looking for one, but my friend Annette is a recruiter, and she encouraged me to apply for it. It is a big step up for me, and a huge opportunity. I still can't believe I got it-the job requires at least a bachelor's degree, preferably a master's, and I still haven't finished college! I can't help but feel that getting my health under control and losing all of this weight (89 lbs so far) has created opportunities that I couldn't imagine before. It was so great to go to a job interview and not worry about how they'd see me. I came to the interview in a very sharp outfit, full of self-confidence, and I rocked!

I'm still experiencing a lot of joint pain, to the point of barely being able to walk in the mornings until I warm up. My poor feet, ankles, knees, lower back, elbow, and wrist have been aching constantly, and I'm noticeably limping. Since I can't take NSAIDs any more, I did some research on alternative medicine and found that many people have success with following a low-starch diet and taking fish oil, ginger, and turmeric supplements. At this point I'm desperate, so I changed my diet and started taking all of these supplements yesterday. I'm already taking at least 10 pills a day, so now it's around 20, but I'll do whatever it takes. I noticed that the pain got a lot worse after eating pasta or pizza 3 nights in a row, so maybe the no-wheat thing will be a big help. It's frustrating, because I'm thinner than I've been in years and have a lot more energy, but it's almost impossible to work out since I can't walk very well. Apparently swimming is the best exercise I can do right now, so starting today I'm going to swim more often. My gym has an extra-warm therapy pool as well, so stretching in there should also help.