ObesityHelp

I nibbled candy and cookies pretty much all day on Christmas, and don't feel guilty. I had decided to just have a "free"day and not worry about my meal plan. I sometimes worry that I've become too obsessive and diet-y with it, so I think it's good for me to take a break now and then. As long as it's a very rare occurence, I should be fine. So, yesterday afternoon I ate a whole (small) piece of red velvet cake  and that wasn't a great idea-I felt nauseous and lethargic afterwards, and needed to drink some tea to settle my stomach. For a RNY'er, I can tolerate a lot of sugar, but there is definitely a limit. By evening, I was actually craving something nutritious, so I made a big pot of vegetable beef soup with the leftover prime rib bones. Yum! Lately I've been making a pot of hearty soup each week, because it's the perfect thing to take to work for my lunches. 

One of the biggest changes since my surgery is that we hardly go out to eat any more. I cook almost all of our meals, and it's much better for the household. It's so much cheaper, of course, and much more nutritious. We used to eat out several times a week, because even though I'm a good cook, I was usually too exhausted to deal with shopping and preparing food. My ankles and feet hurt so much that I had to have a chair in the kitchen to sit in while I cooked. Now when I get home from work, I have plenty of energy to make dinner and take care of the house. Our eating habits have changed a lot-if I make a starch with dinner it's either whole grains or just a small amount of something; no more giant vats of buttery mashed potatoes! When we used to eat out, we'd get appetizers, big fattening meals, cocktails or beer, and desserts. It's crazy to think how we'd regularly spend all that money on food. With the changes in my cooking (no more fried cutlets!) both Tom and Jimmy have lost a lot of weight. I didn't realize how much my own bad eating habits were affecting the household, and I never would have guessed how much the surgery would impact all of our lives in unexpected ways.

One of my big goals pre-surgery was to get below 186 lbs. That was my lowest weight after being on the Atkins diet 6 years ago, and the last time I felt like I looked good. I think I was 186 for about a day, before I started going off the diet. I managed to gain over 100 lbs after that, which led me to vow to never diet again. It was just too heartbreaking to again go through the excitement of losing weight and the pain and embarrassment of gaining it all back plus more. I had done it several times throughout my life, and knew that I needed a new plan-that's what led me to look into weight loss surgery.  Well, I am now 185! It feels amazing. I have no idea how I lost these last 2 lbs, because I had stalled for quite a while, and have been nibbling at Christmas treats left and right, but hey, I'm thrilled with the loss. This is such a great Christmas present for me!

I just bought a shirt at Macy's in size LARGE. That's right, no x's, not in the plus-size section, just a regular old shirt in a NORMAL size. Yay, me! Shopping is so time-consuming now; I used to just find the 2 or 3 things in the store that might fit me that weren't too horrible and choose from there. But now, I choose based on whether I actually LIKE things or whether they are flattering on me. I have the run of the entire store now! I must have tried on 50 shirts yesterday before I decided on one!

What a difference a year makes! Last year when Tom and I visited his family in Rochester, NY, I was miserable. Flying was so hard-I needed a seatbelt extender and felt claustrophobic. Going to the bathroom was awful-I barely fit in there. When we flew there last week, I couldn't believe how much room I had in my seat! The tray went down with room to spare, and there were several inches of seatbelt left! I could walk down the plane aisle with no trouble, and I didn't have that smothered, claustrophobic feeling. We had to run through the airport to catch one of our flights, and I did it without even thinking or getting out of breath. That stuff makes this all worth it to me. Tom's family all commented that I looked great, and they were very encouraging and positive about the surgery. It felt very good, although I struggle with being embarrassed that I had so much to lose, and still have quite a way to go. It's hard for me to look at pictures of myself from last year's vacation-I look so red and overheated, and uncomfortable. And, to be honest, when I look at the new pictures of me, of course I love that I am so much smaller now, but I am disappointed that I am still the chubbiest one besides Tom in all the pictures. In my mind I thought I fit in now and look like everyone else, but the reality is, I'm still chubbier than most people and am by no means "thin". It doesn't help that the scale hasn't been moving-I am terrified that my weight loss is over and I'll never get to goal weight. I am determined to do everything I can to make it happen, though. It's very easy for me to snack all day if I wanted to and get way too many calories, so I know that from here on out, it's up to me.

For the first several months after surgery, I was still obsessed with food. I was still "chasing flavors" and looking for a huge variety of food to eat each day. I loved eating out, even though I couldn't eat much. But then, a few weeks ago, something interesting happened. A switch quietly turned off and food stopped mattering as much to me. I still like to read about it and cook, but my priority now is nutrition rather than flavor. I don't know why this finally kicked in-I had heard it can be a benefit of WLS, but just thought that it wouldn't happen to me, since I was more food-obsessed than most. I still like high-quality, delicious food, but I'm not mourning junk food any more or trying to find alternatives at fast-food places all the time. I've simply stopped going to those fast-food places. For a while, I was going a few times a week for lunch at taco bell or burger king, eating beans or a taco or a burger without the bun, but suddenly that kind of food lost its appeal. I've been tracking everything on thedailyplate.com, and I think this is a major reason. Once I faced the nutritional value of everything I was putting in my mouth, it made it harder to eat some of that stuff. It's surprising how many calories and how much fat I can eat in a day, even with such a small stomach. I've really cut out most refined carbs in the past few weeks and my cravings are almost gone. I've been planning out my meals for the next day and cooking nutritious meals. I still love coffee and have 2 lattes a day, but it's worth it since milk is a good source of protein. If I'm dying for a cookie or some chocoate, I have some and include it in my day's intake. It's a relief to see that I can have a little and not blow my whole day. For some reason the scale isn't moving again, but I'm definitely losing inches. Today I'm wearing some jeans that didn't fit just a week ago, even though the scale is still stuck at 187! Oh, and thanks to Melting Mama for introducing me to Shirataki tofu noodles. They are a Godsend! They are very noodle-like and cost almost no calories or carbs. I've been pan-frying them with leftover chicken and veggies, or making regular pasta dishes with them like tuna casserole. They are miraculous!