For my 40th birthday, Tom completely surprised me by popping the question. We were at Fort Clatsop, outside in the woods, with a guy in a Davy Crockett hat in the background lecturing to a group of schoolkids-it was so funny. Tom had walked a bit into the forest and was on one knee taking pictures of a mossy tree. I came over to look at what he was shooting, when suddenly he pulled out a jewelry box, opened it to show the most gorgeous ring, and made the most beautiful proposal ever! My jaw dropped and I almost fainted, I was so shocked. We then had a lovely romantic weekend in Astoria. We are going to the courthouse on May 16 to make it legal, then having a reception on August 9. We're keeping everything simple and low-key. I love being engaged-it makes me feel all glowy and girly and romantic. I've been trying different hairstyles and painting my nails and doing my makeup, much more than I have in years. I'm even considering ditching the glasses and wearing contacts most of the time. I've hidden behind my glasses for years-this is a huge step. We went to a cake-tasting on Friday, which was lovely. Even though I had some dinner before the tasting, I ended up dumping pretty hard afterwards. I've noticed that I dump on cake with frosting way more than any other sweet-it must be the combination of fat and sugar. I can eat a whole McDonald's ice cream cone with no trouble, though. Yes, I'm embarrassed to say that I actually tried it one day.  Why I decided to tempt fat like that, I don't know-old habits die hard, and I am really struggling with them. 

My weight hasn't budged in months-it's pretty upsetting because it looks like I quit losing at only 9 months out. I thought the "honeymoon" phase was supposed to last much longer? My one-year surgery anniversary is coming up and I'm 50 lbs away from goal, and it looks like I'll never get there. The good news is, I'm firmly in size 10 pants, and even bought a pair of size 8s that I am comfortably wearing! I've never been a single digit size as an adult-it feels wonderful, I must say. On top I'm a different story-I'm mostly in a 14 blouse or dress. Maybe some day I'll be a size 8 on top? That would be incredible!

I am taking some time off from thedailyplate.com because I was constantly obsessing on my food intake. I started to feel like it was leading me to disordered eating, and that it was taking up way too much of my time and energy. On the RNY board I occasionally contribute to the "what did you eat today" posts, and every single time I was eating by far more calories than anyone else. Most of the posters are getting fewer than 1,000 calories a day. I don't know if it's because the others had their surgery more recently, or if the more "normal" eaters don't post, or what. It was starting to make me feel like I'm a failure and a pig. On Sunday at the Oregon Forum breakfast I talked to two RNY patients; one who is 5 years out, and one who is 4 years out. Both look fantastic, and neither of them has regained, and neither of them counts calories or tracks her intake. They both told me that, for them, it's all about moderation and being sensible. They have occasional treats like alcohol or dessert, and don't waste time beating themselves up because they had a cookie. It was such a relief to me that this sort of life is possible without a huge regain! I am trying for a while to just eat intuitively and mindfully and see where it takes me. I don't want to see foods as "good" or "bad" or judge each day based solely on my food choices. For now, my plan is to do the best I can and trust that I'm doing what's best for me.