Journeyofafatwoman.wordpress.com

 As I sit here right now, it seems like the past two weeks has flown by.  Didn't feel that way at the time, but I'm feeling pretty good even though I'm still pretty weak.  

So I went to Oahu on the 19th to see Dr. Fowler.  I got there very early and went to Nicole's and spent the morning with her.  I really enjoyed that time so much.  I'm understanding more and more why we are in each others lives.  Weird that it took her moving to Honolulu for me to really see this.  At my appointment, Dr. Fowler went over the procedure with me and we talked about stuff that I can't remember now, but related to the surgery.  Then I went to Kailua for my class with Mary, Lori and Cindy.  Pretty easy, knew a lot of it already although it was good to review it.  And met two other ladies who were due for their surgeries the day before and same day as mine.  I started my liquid diet a day early because somehow I overlooked that I was supposed to have gone on the high protein, low carb diet as soon as my surgery was scheduled so figured an extra day on liquids would be good.

Madeline and I went over again on the 24th in the afternoon, got checked into our hotel then walked down to Waikiki beach.  The sun had already set but was still light out so we sat on the sand and watched the last minute surfers catching some smaller waves, sailboats drifting by and the dinner cruises starting their evenings of good food and romance.  When it was dark enough that we couldn't see much on the ocean, we walked a little ways down the main strip of Waikiki.  I kept trying to get Madeline to buy me a Coach bag but she wouldn't let me in the store!  Many of the high end brands have stores there and it was a little intimidating because I'll never buy anything from one of them.  Don't know why that was intimidating, but probably  because I'm insecure.  

The next morning

I go to Oahu tomorrow for all my pre-op stuff and a class at the hospital. Then we will go back on the 24th for my surgery on the 25th. Reality is really setting in and of course, all the fears. I am finding that I'm feeling anger that I am in this position. I don't remember if I felt this way when I was banded. I think it's because I started my liquid diet yesterday and my head hunger is giving me a run for my money. I think part of it is that I know there are some foods I may never eat again and the little kid inside of me is raising a ruckus!! The little brat! LOL! I know I'll be fine, even if there are complications. My surgeon is excellent, knows his stuff really well and I trust him. The pre-surgery is one of the worst times, I know. Been there, done that.

I freaked out late last week when I got on the scales and was at 257.8. I realized that I was fooling myself in what I was eating and that I was eating health amounts. And, I also realized that I should have been on a low card, high protein diet since I got my date.  Whipped me into high gear, although I still had a couple of pieces of Svetlana's birthday cake, full of carbs and gluten.  I emailed Mary to see if I had completely screwed things up and she said as long as I start my liquid by today, I should be good.  I went ahead and started it yesterday just to get a jump on it.  

So much has been going on and I've spend more time online than reading my passport. That has changed.  

 A couple of days ago, I stepped on the scales and gasped because I gained a few more pounds.  I realized I absolutely had to get on track to make this work so I started using myfitnesspal....again.  Holy crap, I was horrified to realize how much I've been consuming.  Even today because I was much more aware, I still was way way over my carb intake. I need to really watch this very closely in order to make this work.  I can really see my carb addiction now.  Okay, I now know what's going on and I will use all these great tools and make it work really well.  

Yay me!

 Here I am at the end of 2011, facing the new year with a new mind set.  My surgery will be in. 26 days.  Yikes!    And  I'm excited for this journey.  I feel like a roller coaster, one hour I'm feeling confident and the next hour I wonder if I'm doing the right surgery.  But I know it's okay.  I know I can make this work. I've done hours of research, I've surrounded myself with positive, supportive people, Castle has a great support system, and I'm committed.  

2012 is going to be a great year!