Deep it is so very deep... who was i 10 months ago.... have i changed have i adjusted who am i now.... deep... very deep...

every watched big medicine? a 300 pound girl is now 140 pound and 30 year old virgin and is trying to date but is having a hard time because she still thinks of herself as 300 pounds.... it made me think of myself

do i go back to my thoughts of myself at 289 pounds.... do i really remember what it was like? do i think of myself as thin now...
why does my self talk still have words in it like fat ass and jelly roll.. and ohh good this extra skin is terriable and ugly...... am i a positive person or am a negative...

i have fixed alot of the physical things to make my self happier and before surgery i choose to do 10 months of counceling because i wanted to help myself emotional and lately i have been having a feeling like a need to go back to conceling even thougth i don't know why i want to go back.....

anyway that was a load of nonsense i wanted to throw out there.... so here is the real updeate because it has been a few months

lets see Well last time i wrote i said screw you i'm going to try for a baby and guess what first time and yup now today i am 2 months preggers....  yiou know it is very hard to finde info out there about pregancy and gastric bypass.  so i'm learning as a go... so far i am soo tired falling asleep in the bath tub feeling like i can't walk around the block and just the scale is up and down every day.....

say nancy and she old me to stay on the weight loss diet but increase meat by 15 g.... i'm not sure if this is best so i will be seeing a new nutrisionist that my family dr. is referring me to for advice... dr. reed didn't have much to say but congrads and see you after the baby is born if all goes well.  i am not vomiting but i am having more dumping pains after eatting foods and i am so dizzy and nausheas it is not funny... my boobs are so big 32 K bra...... got to do something about those.... still wearing a size 14 pant.... and right now today the scale says 172.....
other then that life is great and im very please..... talk to you all soon

well i guess i am just too busy enjoying like to sit on a computer and read about everyone elses amazing lives because i am now living mine... so here is an update
may 5 marked 7 months post op..... what can i say that was a life ago.. people look at me now and say no way you were almost 300 pounds. but i was... i am happy to say the scale now reads 178.... sure weight loss is really slowing down but hell i'm so happy with how things are right now and wearing a size 14 is amazing that i'm just happy i remember in high school wearing an 18 and still feeling sexy so i am just thankful for everything i have achieved. soooo big thing happened to me... had to go see the inlaws at a funeral.... haven't seen the inlaws in about 1.5 years because we don't get along and i am sick of being the but of their fat jokes... anyway the new and trim me was going to turn heads at this funeral that i was forced to go to by the husband... well lets just say i had nothing to wear.. i'm still buying value village clothes because clothes don't last long so this was the perfect excuse to go to the fall and hell i was still wearing the same bra from before surgery and i was not going with saggy boobs so off to the bra shop i went... now i new my cup size has not changed much since surgery its the band so off i went and ohhh my gid you wont believe it... my boobs grew... well not really but because i needed a smaller band i needed a bigger cup so i an now wearing get this............a 34HH bra.....yep i am gosh i have big tits......anyway before i was wearing a 50F so that is a huge  difference also for this funeral with my perky boobs i got  new skirt and shirt very respectable but tight i was going to show off my slender bum and boy did i make a statement that day....no one new what to say to me because they had been praticing they fat jokes and the fat girl didn't walk in..........althought the day was difficult for me and uncomfortable i did love seeing the look on their faces on how much weight i had lost... i loved it....revenge is sweet..LOL

about life... great great great.... my husband and i have made a decision......we want a family and we want it now... o-k now today we understand it takes time but gosh we have been waiting so long for me to have surgery and i know you are suppose to weight for 18 months and i am only 7 months out but i am so happy with how things are and i only have another 30 pounds to lose to reach dr. reeds goal weight that we are going to start trying for a baby... part of me feels guilt for making the hubby wait about 2.5 years now and it can take months of trying and then 10 months to cook the thing so we will see what happens and i will keep you posted on the progress.... you also won't believe it.... i have a picture to post... its not often i get infront of the camera... but i did this month just for this blog...
just wanted to mention that i met some really great ladies at a scrabooking retreat a few months back and they to were considering this journey... Please anyone who has any questions feel free to ask me... i'm always willing to share my story to help others.. i believe i was given this wonderful second chance at life and i want to inspire and do good with what i was given so i would love to support anyone who needs a friend...

Life is great.....
slow and steady wins the race. i have always thought having my surgery in the fall was a bad time of year and people are less active... thats why we got the puppy but now i am soo excited and pumped for spring.. i got a new bike to ride.... i am getting a fitness machine from walmart this week for my basement to add to my walking with the dog and amazing get this i am taking a belly dancing class on monday nights to spice up my work outs... i would have never done that before... my confidence is throu the roof.. the last few months the pounds have been harder to lose but i think with these 3 new things i am going to do to pump up the work outs i should be losing more. my goal is to be 150 by july... i think i can do that.

i quit my job last week because of many reasons but the most important was my employer was not willing to work around my snack breaks. I even had letter from Dr. Reed and Nancy and i didn't want to get caught up in a labour board thing so i just found a new job... so this week i am relaxing and starting my new job next week.

Of coarse what your all reading for is the gritty details so here they are.
weight is now 193 pounds..... im wearing a xl shirts from old navy. depending on the pant company i can wear a tight 14 or a lose 16 right in the middle now... as for underware they are a large.... i can't get a bra to fit properly...it seems my boobs have only lost alittle and i am still about a DDD but fitting better into that cup size and not spilling over in every direction but the band around i can't get to fit they alway ride up and i am still getting shoulder marks and readness.

my skin is hanging a bit i have what i believe they call an apron of skin but its not bad,. during a work out i sometimes get a red itch heat burn in the folds of skin which my family dr has given me cream for. other then that... another gross thing is i can't keep my belly botton clean... i try and dry it out and keep it clean but i have noticed that it is a dark damp area and can get dirty.

I hate my hair and i can't even describe with is wrong with it.. its falling out.. you can find my hair anywhere i have been.. its sooo thin that i notice it doesn't have the volume and curl that it use to its more of a teased then fluff ball now.

So thats about it for me. I will update later this week with a photo.
thanks for reading my profile. please e-mail me if you have questions

Its amazing
today i went on the scale and it read 199.0 its amazing i am under 200 pounds. I have not been under 200 pounds since i was 18 years old... this is amazing yahooo......... i'm sooo happy............ gosh this is wonderful.......just had to write that....

well its been a amazing journey so far and i wouldn't change anything. well i saw nancy and dr. reed today and both are happy with results. my  weight today was 204 so i am very pleased with that. my cloths are all loose and falling off which is a wonderful feeling. food doesn't bother my pouch as much any more but i stick to very small amounts. i have a craving for red onions all the time.. have to have onions on everything and i have no idea why. I have up loaded some new pictures... hope you can notice a difference. i haven't done my measurements since jan so i thought i would do them today for anyone who is reading this.
I have also added the totals lost all together and the change amount from january for anyone that wants to see the differences.

Neck14 inches......................................no change.........total loss 2 inch
left upper arm 12. inches...................lost 1 inch...........total loss 2 inch
right upper arm 12. inches................lost .1 inch...........total loss 2 inch
Left wrist 6. inches............................  lost.5..........total loss 1.5 inch  
right wrist 6. inches,.........................lost .5...  .......total loss 1.5 inch
chest 37 inches..................................lost 2 inches........total loss 9 inchs
stomach @ belly button 43inches...lost 3 inches........total loss 8 inch
hips 45 inches....................................lost 1 inches..........total loss 7 inch
left upper leg 21 inches....................lost 1 inches.......total loss 5 inch
right upper leg 21 inches.................lost1 inches.......total loss 1 inch
left knee 16.5inches..........................lost 1.5 inches......total 2.5 inch
right knee 16.5inches.......................lost 1.5 inches......total 2.5 inch
left ankle 9.5 inches..........................no change..........total .5 inch
right ankle 9.5 inches........................n0 change.........total.5 inch

i will try and do alittle better at remembering to update monthly.
hope you all have a wonderful week