I've just gotten home from the informational seminar with Dr. Oh. After hearing what he had to say, I'm a little scared. I'm not exactly having second thoughts - I'm still pretty set that I want to have the surgery. But sitting there among all those people listening to all the things that could potentially go wrong... it kind of hit home. I realize that the doctor has to inform us of the worst, even to the point of scaring us a bit. It's gotten me wishing, though, that I didn't have to make this choice. Why the heck wasn't I born with a metabolism like that of some of my friends?

I've got some more information about the types of surgery too. I'm scared of the actual gastric bypass. I want to be able to slip up a little bit and not get violently sick. I don't want to give up EVERY bit of milk and sugar. That would be sad.

I kind of liked the sound of the Duodenal switch. I guess it's the most expensive one, but it sounds the best. 70% excess weight lost, no food restrictions, and no getting sick.

Realistically, though, I'll probably get the Lap-Band. I think I have the willpower to handle the extra responsibility that comes with not getting sick after eating sugar. After all, I was vegetarian for two years, as a weight loss effort. I stopped when my weight loss plateaued for over four months, but I did it.

I haven't made any decision as to the type of surgery yet. I could even decide to do the Roux-en-Y. I've got a lot of thinking to do. But I'm hoping to schedule my consultation with Dr. Oh soon. Hm. How did other people decide?

As they say, begins with a single step.

Hi, my name's Rochelle, and I'm 20 years old. I've been fat my whole life, so far as I can remember. I was viciously made fun of all through elementary school and beyond. It got so bad that around the fourth grade I developed severe depression. As a consequence, I began to eat more and got fatter at an alarming rate. At the time, I was still playing soccer and softball, and was being consistently told by doctors that I needed to "grow into" my current weight. I never understood what that was supposed to mean.

When I was fourteen, I was having a very hard time adjusting to certain *ahem* feminine practices. Namely, my periods were miserable. Every month, I would turn into a horrible, violent, demon-girl because of the pain and the mood swings. I began taking Depo Provera, despite the warnings that the drug caused weight gain in a large percentage of users. Well, my period stopped completely, and I gained 100 pounds in just 2 years. I've been over 300 ever since.

I don't know my exact weight. Up until now, I've tried very hard to stop caring about it. "It's just a number," I told myself, all the while trying not to care when they could no longer weigh me at the doctor's office, as their scales go up to only 350 pounds. When forced to guess at my weight, I usually give an estimate of 380, but I don't know.

Since I was about 16, my parents and a few other family members have been trying to convince me to get WLS. My dad's cousin and her husband got WLS several years ago and had enormous success. But I never wanted to do it. I couldn't accept the lifelong repercussions of such a permanent decision. I like food, dangit!

It wasn't until a few months ago that I started really considering it. In June of 2007, I injured my knee fairly badly, shattering my meniscus and straining my ACL... by the simple act of trying to step onto a rope. Too much weight on my right leg and BOOM, it bends the wrong way and I have to worry about it every day for the rest of my life, despite 3 months of physical therapy and medication. I think that was my first slap in the face telling me that there are more and worse lifelong repercussions involved if I remain at my current weight (or greater.) I have a family history of diabetes, heart problems, breathing problems, hypertension, and assorted muscular and bone problems. While I haven't been myself diagnosed with any of these problems as of yet, they are very real threats to my well-being.

More than that, I desperately want to walk across campus without breaking out a sweat. I want to be able to go to grad school. I want to be able to fly on a plane. I want to sit on a bus without apologizing to the person sitting next to me. I want to know that I can get a teaching job and not be at risk of being discriminated against for my size. I want to SHOP! I want these bright red painful spots where my skin rubs against itself occasionally to go away forever. I want guys to look at me and see a girl, and not a FatGirl. I want to experience what's left of my youth without feeling like it's been wasted on worrying about these things.

For these reasons, and more, I've decided to get weight loss surgery. I've heard nothing but good things about Dr. Ki Oh, and he's based just a few miles from my hometown. I'm attending an information seminar on Wednesday, January 16, 2008, and from there, I want to schedule a consultation by the end of January. As for the date of my surgery, I'd like to be able to say I could get it at the end of Winter quarter, in late March. Realistically, I'll probably need to wait until Spring quarter is over, which would put my surgery in mid June. That also gives me the summer to work at my desk job and learn to eat again before I have to resume school. Besides, how cool would it be to show up to school 3 months post-op and have lost 80 pounds?

I'm not anticipating any difficulties with insurance. I'm covered under my parents still, and my mom has Blue Cross/Blue Shield. Dr. Oh is listed as one of the approved doctors, and with a BMI of 55 or 60-ish, I don't think anyone's going to be denying that I need it... right?

So, if you're reading this, my apologies for the long-windedness. I keep a personal blog as well, and I definitely like to talk! I hope to document my experience with the system every once in a while, up to including when I reach my goal weight of 170. Good night!