My back is killing me!  Who knew selling on eBay could be so painful?  I have spent the entire (not exaggerating) day putting my "fat clothes" and "fat patterns" on eBay.  So if you need any stuff in really big sizes, I can tell you how to look my inventory up!  I have been meaning to do this for so long, and now I know why I kept dragging my feet -- sitting for HOURS is no fun!  The upside, I barely ate all day, ha ha ha!  So, I am sipping a protein shake, and getting ready to finally drag myself upstairs.

The little bit of exercise, if you can call it that, was climbing up & down stairs - I have two flights - depending on what I am going after!  I still have more to list - those evil folks at eBay are enticing me with free listings up to 50 a month - shoot I hope it's when the item is listed, or I won't have any free listings come June!  I have 40 items up - holy smokes.  I have so much more, it is scary, I think of the George Carlin riff about "all our stuff..."  Sorry, George, I guess I have consumer issues!

If you sew, I can make you some FABULOUS deals on patterns!!!  I sadly have 50 - 60 of them -- all just lonely.  I have made clothing, don't get me wrong, I just had one of those, "I am going to do..." moments, that just got a little (ha ha) out of hand.  Do not ask me about my fabric stash - IT'S MINE! IT'S MINE... I made a promise to myself, not to buy anymore fabric, until I start producing some finished projects.  Well, except the stuff that found it's way into my suitcase from my last trip to Hawaii... Yes, I have a few problems.

I even cleaned out my pantry the other day, so I guess I am being productive, after all.  I am trying to be a better me, it is a slow process, but I think I am headed - if not sidetracked - the right way!  Anyhow - Thank you to all our Military folks, this is YOUR weekend -- thank you for getting me an extra day off -- so I can WORK around my house!

Brenda : )~

p.s. I took my measurments - I almost can use a standard measuring tape for my hips, now!!!  Good thing I have Quilters Tape!

I can't remembered the last Spring I enjoyed as much as this one.  Sure, the weather in the Puget Sound is generally crappy, but I am more active this year than I have been in the last seven years.

One of my most enjoyed activities is working in my yard.  Seeing things grow, bringing seeds along into plants, it is an amazing pleasure.  Having lost 124 pounds I am now able to do most of the things I took for granted, until I could no longer do them.  Sadly, pushing a mower over the entire front and back yard, is something that used to make me whimper from pain.  I live on a hill, so my backyard is difficult to mow.  Just a year ago, I was huffing and puffing my way through my work, no more.  Yes, I actually enjoy mowing my lawns.  I take pride in my work, and my neighbors have made comments on how great I look while doing my chores.

Losing weight is making life so much easier, and I don't feel as invisible as I used to - as if anyone of my size could be invisible.  Walking is easier, so I enjoy doing more of it.  I still have pain, but it is much more manageable.    Funny, how much easier it is just to get up from a seated position.  Crossing my legs so I can put lotion on my feet, I can now do it with ease.  The things most take for granted, those of us who have lived fat lives, know that we should be happy for the things we "still" can do -- until we join the group who don't even think about it.  I am finally going in the right direction.

Seeing space between me & the steering wheel of my truck.  Having to go through my closet to find things that still fit - not because they are too small, but because I am getting smaller.  The joy of leftovers, ha ha, I never knew I would be so excited to eat the same thing over and over, having only paid for it once.  Actually being active at a picnic, not just sitting on the bench.  I love to play badminton, volley ball, and just having the options I did not have just one year ago.  I am not "there," yet, but the journey so far, has been pretty nice.

This summer, I have many physical plans ahead of me.  We need to replace two decks, work on the fences on our property, and even some minor renovations, and I will be able bodied for all the work.  After injuring my leg, I struggled to stay active, but the weight just kept creeping up.  Now, I am able to do so many things I used to do, and who knows, another 124 pounds off and I may be "normal".  Facing obesity is never easy.  Sure, we can adapt, work with what we have, but I was slowly losing my battle.  Being active is who I am.  My only regret was accepting defeat and sitting on the sidelines watching "life" happen.  I am done sitting still.

When you think about what you did or didn't do last year, that is what I will be looking forward to next year.  What have I accomplished?  Look how far I have come.  My surgery was just six months ago, but I have been on my journey a little longer than that.  I am looking forward to a journey that will take me places in my life.  Today was a good day, I bet tomorrow will be even better.

Stay positive, and keep working toward your goals!
Brenda : )~

Goal!  I knew I would get to my first post surgery weight goal by this weekend, it took a lot of restraint not to weigh myself last night.  Being a slave to the scale is the worst thing ever!  I try hard to only check every three days or so, unless I am close to a goal.  On Monday, I saw my surgeon and realized I was just a few days away from my first of many goals, so I was excited on Thursday to announce at my Support Group meeting that I was only two pounds away from this weight goal.

For those of you who are starting around 350 pounds, I just got to that weight.  It is hard to fathom I would get so excited over weighing 350 pounds, but considering where I started, it is a great milestone.  This got me thinking this morning, the most weight I have lost in the past was 135 pounds, I am just 11 pounds away from losing 135 pounds, so I am very excited.  When I lost my last highest amount of weight, it was emotionally hard for me.  Prior to that, the most I had ever lost was 90 pounds, so when I was told by my Nurse Practitioner at that time, "Brenda, next week you will be at 100 pounds lost!"  Something broke inside of me.  The very next week I showed up with a gain.  Followed by two more gains, it took a heart to heart to figure out it was an emotional issue for me.

Facing the fact that I have been anywhere from overweight to severely morbidly obese all of my life, I hate to think the weight is somehow a part of my identity.  None of my current, local friends have ever seen me at this weight, which is something I have to get used to.  As an adult, the smallest size I ever wore was a size 14.  Currently I am wearing a 30 on the bottom and a 24 on the top.  When my bottom half gets to a size 24, I know I will be one happy (smaller) fat chick.

Things I really dig about losing weight: Having the seat in my truck sitting straight up - not reclined - and looking down to see INCHES between me & the steering wheel.  When I am sitting on my lawn and pulling weeds, not having to roll over & pull myself to a standing position, that is very cool.  When I am swimming, I have to adjust my swimsuit, because it is loose and I need a smaller size.  Hearing my daughter say, "Mom, you are just a regular fat chick, now!"  As opposed to being super morbidly obese - just being fat sounds a whole lot better!  Going to the movie theater, and being able to pull both arms down & fitting - barely, but I fit!  Such simple things most of us take for granted.  Oh, and a favorite thing I dig about losing weight, getting to mark off another goal completed!

Brenda  : )~

Having returned from a week in California, I am happy to say that I am back in the pool and swimming 4000 meters in two hours.  The downside to that is that I am doubtful I will be able to get 5000 meters in two hours, so I may have to adjust when I swim to try and get the next two plateaus (I only increase in intervals of 500 meters at a time).  Here's to hoping I can get to the goal by Summer!  Although, judging by the weather in the Pacific Northwest, Summer may not get here until August.

My six month "surgiversary" was yesterday, and I saw my surgeon.  Good news, my labs are incredible.  My surgeon is so compassionate, he answered all my questions and emphasized that I am doing just fine -- even if I feel like I am a slow loser.  My favorite nurse put me on the body composition scale to show that the numbers (pounds) aren't the whole story.  I know how exercise works, but we all obsess over the numbers.  Anyhow, I am comparing all my readouts from before and after surgery, to show my worried head that I am building muscle and the numbers are just numbers.

The surgeon was impressed with my "work ethic," and told me he "wish(ed) all of (his) patients took exercising as seriously..."  My loses since surgery is 86 pounds in six months, my total losses are now 122 pounds - with a whole lot more to go!  From my calculations (yes, again with the numbers), I should hit my goal weight (or around it) in 53.5 weeks.  Okay, big number, but the way I look at it, what is one more year, give or take?!  My measurements really are showing more progress than the scale, and I laughed when I showed off my "Guns" to the nurse!  Swimming is ridding me of my side boobs, my side muffins (I didn't have muffin top in front for some reason), and my back is looking sexy, ha ha.  My ankle hurts so much less, which I now know for a fact after missing my daily swim for one week.

My last post was me being frustrated over a gain, well, I lost it plus four pounds, so I am only two pounds away from my first big weight goal after surgery.  For those following my journey, I also added probiotics - I think they are helping.  Ten dollar investment in seeing if it would help in the bathroom (I usually only "go" every three days).  There are so many to choose from, I just started turning bottles, and settled on GNC brand 1.5 BILLION of the little happy bacteria per chewable.  Yogurt never did squat, but I definitely hear & feel the difference from these chewables.

My protein goal is now higher, and on the advice of my surgeon, it may be easier to get the130 grams of protein I am shooting for, as I should be getting more calories considering my heavy exercise routine.  And for those wondering, more protein will help keep your hair on your head, not in the brush!  I have noticed an increase in my daily hairs we all lose, but nothing like so many other patients I have known.  Vitamins, supplements, protein, and iron -- this should be your mantra, too! 

One of my friends just asked me how I deal with cravings.  I try to not be so strict in my diet that I have to deal with binges, I just am careful that I only eat to satiate the craving, and I measure it.  Soy crisps, rice crisps, in different flavors (I love savory flavors - Quaker has a sweet chili that hits all the right targets - crunch, hot, sweet, salty), are a great "treat".  Edamame (soy beans still in the pod) are a great snack - salty & protein, lots to chew (you can find them in the frozen veggie section of most stores, then microwave & add sea salt).  I have found that if I only have a couple teaspoons of my sweeties ice cream, I am happy without the guilt.  After surgery, I really don't need a whole bowl, just a taste will do!  Some may say "No! No! No!" but I chew gum.  Different flavors help with urges.  Fruit flavors take care of the sweet cravings, and chewing seems to take my mind off the "head hunger".  Mint flavors will make ANY food taste icky - so I keep LOTS of mint flavored gum on hand.  Just do not punish yourself, and do not eat in private.

Six months have come and gone, I feel great, look a whole lot better, and am learning to be patient with myself -- that is the hardest part of this journey.  If you want to succeed, you need to be active in the process.  Think exercise, food journals, vitamins and supplements, lots of water, and love yourself - at every weight.  Stay positive, it only gets better!

Brenda : )~

May 6th, my family and I had to make the trip to California for a funeral.  I am not only emotionally exhausted, I can actually tell you the lack of my daily swimming has left me in severe pain. 

For those who have been following my blog, I swim a LOT. Back in 2003, I ruptured my Achilles tendon, four surgeons subsequently found  I not only have plantar fasciitis in both feet, I have really bad arthritis in both feet.  Having been a very active fat girl all of my life, I have struggled in the last decade to get my weight under control - swimming was what I found to keep the juices flowing.  Swimming is actually making my life better, and I will never take it for granted again.

On May 5th I hit another plateau of sorts, I am working toward swimming 5000 meters, on that day I finally hit 4000 meters.  I had already heard the news at 7:30 am that my sweetie's grandfather had passed that night, so this would be my last chance to get a swim in for a few days.  Days turned into over a week, and I am now limping so badly that I am having to use the stupid Handicap Placard in my vehicle (I really hate to use it).

My six month Surgiversary is on Monday, May 16th, and that is also my follow up appointment with my surgeon.  I am bummed.  I have been struggling to get my weight off, really struggling, only to end up with a six pound gain from not swimming in over a week.  Ugh.  I will be back in the pool on Sunday for some light work, but come Monday morning - back to the goal setting journey!  Monday will be a "wait and see" day, so I am not promising a 4000 meter day, but I am sure 2500 - 3000 meters will be easy enough to attain.

This may sound silly, but I really did not realize how my exercise really affected my foot.  Sure, I am in pain 24/7, but not until this last week have I been so hobbled, I actually had to take something for the pain (other than Tylenol).  So, for all you out there with bad feet/legs/back - or whatever, try swimming!  Swimming is actually making my life more mobile.  I had been able to walk so much further (I even do mall walks of two miles every so often) since I was cleared to get back into the pool in March. 

My diet was watched over the whole trip, and I did continue to take all my protein and supplements, but without the exercise, I am now 10 pounds away from a short term goal I was only four pounds away from on the 5th of May.  Set backs happen, so we all need to be patient with ourselves -- even I have moments where I want to just throw in the towel & head off for a food induced coma -- think before you eat. 

I will miss "Pop" Hamblin, and am kind of bummed he will not see me back at my "fighting weight," but I am headed back on my journey.  Stay positive - and don't take exercise for granted!

Brenda : )~