Brenda C.

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First things first - THANK YOU to all my supporters -- I really am able to go further and believe in myself fully when I have others cheering me on!  When I hear I am inspiring others, when I get comments, that inspires me!  Throughout this who process, I have tried to be as honest about my feelings, good & bad, and shared even some embarrassing facets of my life, and I promise not to hold back or stop.

For those who asked how to get the process going, my suggestion is first, ask your surgeons office who they refer patients to, as my primary doctor referred me to a surgeon who could not handle my case, as it is severe -- his words.  You do not need to be at a goal weight IF you have at least a Grade 3 or better pannus (please refer to my last blog, it outlines Grades 1 - 5), as this is considered RECONSTRUCTIVE, not merely cosmetic, and effects your life dramatically.  Abdominoplasty, or a tummy tuck, is involving muscle, as in my case, will happen when I am actually within the surgeon's preferred "goal weight".  My cosmetic surgeon did ask me if I am planning on losing more, I chuckled and said, "Of course I am..."  That is one of the reasons he isn't giving me a "belly button," as I will be getting more surgery down the line.  Oh, and if I do not get a traditional belly button, I already have plans what I want in it's place!  I will share as it happens...

For those who have been following my journey, you have heard my back pain complaints, and I have had four doctors now say that the pannus is directly causing my issue, and I indeed need reconstructive surgery.  The process now can be quick, as i am under the impression that my case is severe enough to get an approval upon first submission of my surgery.  At that point, it could be just weeks until I get into the surgery room and get a more streamline torso -- I am wondering what size I'll be, so if can start planning on getting new swimsuits!  My daughter laughed and asked me why I have such a large supply of "hand me down" jeans, it is because, "after surgery, I don't know what size I'll be!"  I have jeans from size 18 up to the 28's I am wearing at this moment! 

Tomorrow, I head to California, so I wanted to at the very least give everyone who wrote me this thank you!  I promise to get back to each and every one of you, please bear with me as I will be on the road.

I have only 12 more miles to swim, and already have two places to swim while I am gone for Christmas.  Next year, I know I will want to do at least 600 miles, and the surgeon says I should only be out of the water 6 weeks.  I am wondering if 750 miles is too far, but it is what I am leaning toward.  If you are going to set a goal, make it a good one!

As soon as I know, I promise to post more.  I will include many photos, and of course the "nitty gritty" of the whole process.  I am not afraid of the pain, frankly, I look at it as a "rite of passage," and many of those aren't painless, wink wink!  Anything worth having, is worth working toward, and that includes working through the pain.  When I consider the years I have spent in pain from my excess weight, a couple of weeks of pain should be a walk in the park.  Besides, I happen to know they prescribe pretty good drugs to post operatives, just kidding, sort of...  Here's to a HAPPY & Healthy NEW YEAR, and New ME!

Stay positive!
Brenda : )~

The lay term for the "fatty tissue" or belly fat that lays over some laps, is referred to as a pannus, here is what Wikipedia has to say about my subject matter:  Panniculus is a medical term describing a dense layer of fatty tissue growth, consisting of subcutaneous fat in the lower abdominal area. Abdominal panniculus can be removed during abdominal panniculectomy, a type of abdominoplasty. 

What is the difference between an abdoninoplasty and a panniculectomy?  Muscle.  An adomioplasty not only removes skin & fatty tissue, it addresses muscles that have been stretched and need tightening.  In a panniculectomy, only skin and fatty tissue is removed, and in many cases, considered "cosmetic".  Why would anyone be able to get "cosmetic" surgery covered under insurance?  When it is not merely cosmetic, but reconstructive.  I am between Grade 4 & Grade 5: 

Grade 1 Panniculus barely covers the hairline and mons pubis but not the genitalia.
Grade 2 Extends to cover the genitalia.
Grade 3 Extends to cover the upper thigh.
Grade 4 Extends to cover the mid thigh.
Grade 5 Extends to cover the knees or beyond.

I had my RNY just over one year ago, and this is also somewhat tied into when to get the panniculectomy.  As with surgeries that are just cosmetic, most surgeons want you to have been a year out from Weight Loss Surgery and that your weight has been stable for a month or more.  When a panniculectomy is considered reconstructive, you do NOT have to be at or near your "goal weight," your pannus merely needs to completely cover the mons pubis, or be a Grade 3 or higher.  One of the reasons my panniculectomy is warranted sooner than later, is the weight pulling on my middle back.  Other reasons would also be considered because of rashes, hygiene, so document as much as you can, and know photos will help get your surgery covered.

My surgery date is coming,  early in 2012, as soon as my insurance gives their approval, which I was told should not take long.  My excitment is hard to contain, as this has been the part of my body I have never liked.  Now here are some of the things I discussed with the surgeon... I will NOT have a traditional belly button after the panniculectomy.  The surgeon explained that since I will most likely need more surgeries, I can elect to have a belly button "built" at a later time, or in my head, just get a tattoo where it should be.  It really isn't uncommon to get a panniculectomy before all the excess weight has been lost, and I look forward to sharing the process with all of you.

Photos have been taken, and are being submitted.  Measurements have been taken - 42 cm is the length of my pannus that hangs over my mons pubis.  My lower half (hips & belly) fit into a size 26/28 jean, yet my top half is around a size 18, or smaller.  The thought of finally having a bottom half that fits with my top half is indescribable.  I keep trying not to be overly excited, until I am in the pre-op room, worried something will cause me to have to wait longer.  Truly, if this is my worst complaint in my life, I am a lucky woman.  Having surgery does not fix you, but it sure improves your chances of having a better life.

I have just 18 miles left to swim, and am already thinking of my goal for 2012.  My surgeon said I probably will only be out of the water six weeks, so I am confident that I will be able to come back and work harder toward my physical goals.  See, if you put in the effort, great things will happen!

Stay positive!
Brenda : )~

I have to say thank you to all who have sent me messages, kept me in their thoughts, and supported me through this tough time.  My blogging hasn't been high on my daily "need to do" list, but trust me, I see the notifications, then feel guilty for not logging on & keeping the communication going.  To those out there who go through difficult times, when it happens, shutting down is the WRONG thing to do.  I am "limping" my way through my daily routine, but I still have to keep active, emotionally as well as physically.

My swimming is getting me closer to my goal - I finished mile 478.  With plans to swim Sunday, adding days here and there will make the goal possible.  Having a daily routine will help, so I keep going, since this weight isn't going to come off on it's own.  Come to think of it, I just realized a really cool number, I was 474 pounds when I started this journey, so I have swam MORE miles than I used to weigh.  That brought a smile to my face.  Finding the positive in any situation is always the way to go.  When I say "stay positive," I mean it, and try to live it.

On Tuesday, I have an early appointment with a plastic surgeon, so rest assured, I will be swimming after the appointment.  Standing in front of my mirror last night, I started to laugh.  It's a whole lot better than looking at a half empty glass then sobbing that it's too full!  My thighs are caving in on themselves, but I expected that.  My pannus is very heavy, I was lifting & dropping it, laughing at the absurd sound it made slapping against my thighs.  I then sighed, climbed into the shower and thought how wonderful it will be to NOT have to lift my belly up, just to wash.  Pretty harsh, huh?  Well, those of us in really high BMIs have these things to face, if we are to be successful!  The good with the bad; I prefer having my deflated body over the over stuffed one I am slowly leaving behind. 

What would I do differently if I was deciding to get Gastric Bypass?  The first answer is usually the same - done it sooner.  But having done as much studying about nutrition, and living the "after" before surgery for over a year REALLY made the transition so much easier.  Eating 1200 calories - HONESTLY - isn't always easy, and you will have to learn how many calories you are under guessing if you eat Fast Food.  The kids meal at most those restaurants is mind boggling, and I really never guessed I was getting so many calories until I did my homework.  If you are considering surgery, take classes on eating correctly, get your blood work done so you and your doctor and (hopefully) a nutritionist can see how you already eat (shows up in the blood), and make corrections before you commit.  Becoming active is a huge hurdle to jump for many of us, so start slowly, build up, but do it before surgery.  Start taking supplements before surgery, building up your bank of nutrients - the first three months after surgery, you will have difficulty getting nutrition just from food, so the sooner you start banking your vitamins, minerals, and protein, the easier your recovery.  Oh, and you will lose a lot less hair.  Make sure you not only are physically ready, but be emotionally ready.  I never had "last meal mentality," because I went into my surgery armed with knowledge, and I made peace with my food issues.  Head hunger STILL is an issue, but I have not had it as bad as some of my friends.

Everyday is a struggle, for whatever reason, that is just life.  Stay positive, keep your goals small enough to attain - but have enough to keep you going further, and know that if you are ready to change your life completely, you can succeed after surgery.  I am only starting my second year after surgery, and have a long way to go weight-wise, but I still see my future changing before my eyes.  Being honest with myself has been the one thing I can share that may not come up in your doctor appointments, so start as soon as possible.  When I have had cheats - yes, we all have them - I have to admit it to myself, and to others.  Those pesky calories do add up, so face the truth and work toward repairing your behavior, not just "I'll do better, tomorrow..."  Having surgery really is just a tool, what you do with your tool, that is how you succeed or fail.

For all you out there following my journey, I am still keeping my head up, and still keeping my eye on the prize, I just have had a little more emotions to deal with at the moment.  Hey, life happens, you cannot hide from it, and why would you want to?  I have always tried to live my life loudly, and strive to be the best person I can be.  When I have a bad day, I remind myself I am human, and try to turn it around.  Am I happy?  Yes, I am.  So, before you try to hide yourself behind closed doors, just remember, every bite you take in private, will show when you finally are back out in public! 

For those of you who already had surgery, just realize that the weight can sneak back up on you - support, support, support!  I have enjoyed talking with folks who are more than two - three years out, how they have coped with their eating issues, as well as staying active.  I used to ask my mother who got me into TOPS at an early age, "Why do those women keep coming?  They aren't fat."  My mother would then explain that they lost their weight, and keep coming to KEEP OFF their weight (Take Off Weight Sensibly - Keep Off Weight Sensibly).  It does work, if you continue to be accountable and aware of your behavior.  I know, I am still a young'un when you consider I am merely a year out of surgery, but I hope to keep blogging the journey in the years to come.  Hey, I really do try to walk the walk, otherwise I have not been honest with the one person I should be -- ME. 

I did this for me.  I did this for my family.  I did this because I hate to walk out of a movie before it's over, and that is my view of life.  Why leave before your movie is over?  I used to stay & watch the credits at the movies, only to FINALLY be rewarded with Ferris Buelers Day Off!  Then it hit me, that is exactly how I want to live my life, beyond what most people see as the end, all the way through the credits, just in case!  My grandmother told me last Christmas, "Brenda, I don't think I want to see my next birthday..."  To which I stated, "Does this mean I have to come back for another visit before June?!"  I did, I saw her in May, and I just wish she made it to our next Christmas.  My Christmas Angel was a gift to me by my grandmother, I did get choked up, but instead I started singing Christmas Carols and thinking about her wonderful life.  If I plan to see 96 like I am shooting for, it will take a lot of exercise & good living -- oh, and an excellent attitude!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Festivus, Happy Kwanzaa, Festival of Lights, Merry Winter Solstice, Happy New Year - just have a WONDERFUL LIFE!  Love yourself and those around you -- trust me, you'll have prettier wrinkles from smiling than from frowning!  Stay Positive!!!

Brenda : )~

p.s. I REALLY will write all you folks who have written me - I PROMISE!!!