Howdy Folks!  If you live in the Puget Sound/Seattle Washington Area and need support, the First Saturday and Third Thursday of every month we are available to support YOU! 

Saturday, April 7th at noon, come meet us at the Black Bear Diner (32065 Pacific Hwy S. Federal Way, WA 98003) at Noon to discus Priorities & Where Are You? Does stress trigger bad eating decisions? Make YOU a priority!

We welcome ALL surgical patients, non-surgical patients, support people, we just ask you come with support on your mind!  Come meet others who know what you are going through, share YOUR experiences, and make friends to make the journey with!

Some of our members are in maintenance, many are still on their journey to goal, some haven't gotten a date yet - so you will meet others who are at various stages of the process.  Discuss nutrition, head hunger, stress, and whatever you need help with!

Contact me directly if you need a friendly face to meet you at the door!  Find me on Facebook - Barbarian Brenda!

Stay Positive!
Brenda : )~

Support is a fabulous thing!

I write on my OH Blog usually a couple times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less, but I write.  Because I am willing to share my journey, I have been blessed with so many supporters, to which I wave and say, "If you are ever in Seattle (or Maui, when I am there), holler!!!"  I have been able to meet six people off of Obesity Help, and I am happy to meet & support everyone of you, as I receive amazing support from emails and comments, daily.  If you cannot go in person to a support group, I am so happy that Obesity Help exists to be support for the many members (I am thinking somewhere in the hundreds of thousands, am I close?) here.

What my support is like:  I am the leader of one support group - so if you live in the Puget Sound Area, holler, we meet twice a month.  I also attend two other meetings a month, in person.  One is connected to the hospital I had both my surgeries at (RNY & Panniculactomy), the other is just members of OH who started their own group and I had meet one of them at the OH Conference last Summer.  I also attend, over the phone, one other meeting, for Obesity Help Leaders.  Yup, we need a place to let our hair down, too.  Learning, camaraderie, and activity is what I think of when I am asked "what is support?'  Whether you have a good family support team, friends, or just here on OH, you need support on this journey, as we all have failed in our past.

How do I succeed at losing weight?  Being honest.  Not just with others, but with myself.  I keep a food journal, because I thought I "knew everything" about losing weight, but got stuck in a plateau.  Hmmm, what am I doing wrong?  I decided to "get an App," and USE IT.  Sure, I have had four different ones, but I finally found one I will use EVERY DAY.  Guess what?  I ate 1900 calories the first day I started to keep a journal again.  Holy smokes!  No wonder I am stuck!  Sure, I was working out, but that did not mean I could indulge in pre-weight loss surgery calories.  Honesty got me back on track.  Measuring your food is a pain, but when you think you know it all, you get stuck -- so get those measuring cups back out.

Going to a meeting and sharing your experiences with others is a win-win proposition!  Trust me, when someone tells me I am an inspiration to them, I get embarrassed, but thank them.  When I meet someone who inspires me, I make damn sure I tell them!  I shouldn't be the only one embarrassed!  I say it a lot, you get support by giving support.  I look at my current weight, and say, "Shoot, I am he size most folks are when they start this journey..." It makes me feel a little bad for a moment, but then I remind myself, "But, I used to be 180+ pounds heavier!"  It is all in how you look at any situation.  Try to look for the positive, you will find it!  When I faced my divorce, I would joke, "I lost 135 pounds, then turned around and lost another 200..."  I hate to admit the good in having a marriage end, but it was necessary for my family (not just the husband and the wife) to go their separate ways, life had become toxic.

Last night was another support group meeting I had to miss.  I felt like a loser (in a bad way) for not showing up.  Then I reminded myself that I really do need more time to heal, that my little bit of running around I had been doing was causing swelling.  The payoff: I weighed myself this morning & was 2 pounds lighter -- well, less water.  It is all in how you look at things.  I wrote a quick email to the support group leader, letter her know why I stayed home, as I ran into her on Monday at my doctors office, when I was told to be "less active".  So, in my quest to get back in the water & losing weight again, I have decided to do as told, even if it is boring.

When you feel like you need help, never be afraid to reach out.  If your medical center does not have a support group, look for an OA (Overeaters Anonymous), a TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly), on OH in your state Forum (lots of groups are available - just look for us!), or even the classifieds of your local paper or on Craigslist.  By sharing your journey, we all benefit.  So, if you don't have support, look for some.  If you are willing to give support, put yourself out there for others, they will find you.  Just know that we all need support at some point in life.

Okay, here is where I thank every person who wrote me this week, I finally caught up with all the emails!  I have clothing to go through for another OH member, and swimsuits to send out.  With every day that passes, I am happier to be alive!!!  Make every day count, and stay positive!!!

Brenda : )~

Hey Folks!

Do you have a need for a swimsuit, but hate the cost of a new suit while you are losing weight?  Check my album marked "Free Swimwear", as 14 swimsuits have already found new homes, and I need homes for MORE!  All I ask is that you cover shipping.  I just had a panniculectomy, so I will be adding 5 new suits size 26 and up.

Do you have swimwear that you have outgrown (it's too big, and you are proud), consider "Paying it Forward" to another OH Member, either by sending it to me or YOU can offer it to members by just POSTING!  Why should Thrift Stores be your first place to donate?  Think of your fellow OH Members, and offer your suit to them.

I just found a used size 20 swimsuit at my local Goodwill Store, and paid $4!!!  I have the suit up in my album marked "Panniculectomy", so if you want to find a suit when you are losing sizes, do not be afraid to check Thrift Stores.  With the weather changing, this is the time to start thinking swimwear!!! As soon as I am healed, I look forward to swimming my way out of THIS size 20, too!  If you like the suit, let me know, I'll save it for YOU!

I have sizes up to 34, and happy to send them to anyone asking, just please help with the shipping.  I even have a few MENS trunks!  No excuses, I swam 500 miles last year, and have lost over 180 pounds.  I still have a LONG way to go, but if I can do it, so can you!!!  Stand tall & proud at your local pool!  Do not let your fear of "what will they think" keep you from exercise!  Water is your friend!  Just remember, gravity SUCKS, water lets you float... No more achy joints, just get out there & move!!!

When I started this journey, I wore a custom sized suit (sanctuarie.net), and I am now in a size 20 swimsuit - just 15 months of work!!!  I know it isn't easy, but I (and so should you) be worth this effort!!!  Get out there & swim!!!

Stay Positive!
Brenda : )~

Here I am, stuck back in bed, sigh.  I had to go to my surgeon's office on Monday, my drain has had a few problems, and now it just "pops" out when I am less swollen.  The problem started with the tube, it sprung a leak, so it was not holding suction.  No big deal, just cut it down, right?  Nope.  Having the tube shortened actually made it easier for me to YANK out the stitches holding the drain inside of me.  Sigh.  Imagine fishing line being TORN from your flesh, yup, it HURTS.  In the meantime, I was told bed rest for the next two weeks, and "don't be SO active..."  Really?  How do I function?  Well, I am learning, LISTEN and DO as I am told, or those drains may never get removed.  I am pouting like a petulant child, but I will behave, I promise.

Okay, who hasn't seen my latest $4 swimsuit I bought (on one of those days I was away from home & NOT resting)?  Can you imagine the JOY I had trying on a size 20 swimsuit & it fitting?!  Before my panniculectomy, I was wearing a size 26 - although loosely, I am now looking forward to getting my swelling down & back into the pool!  My incision is LOVELY.  Yup, I said it, my skin is not a scary scar, just a light line going from one hip to the other, with a swollen tummy peeking over it.  The hard part of this is laying about and not being active, and just following that would be the swelling -- what will it ultimately look like?! 

Without having my pannus hanging over my thighs, it is evident that will be the next hurdle - getting my weight down & having reconstructive surgery to remove all the hanging flesh left.  If you inflate a balloon and immediately let out the air, sure it is a little deformed.  But if you continue to blow the balloon up, let out some air, blow it up bigger, the balloon becomes very misshapen.  That, sadly is my case.  I guess I got too big and frankly stayed big too long, so I will have to live with my thighs until I am within a weight that is stable and the fat shrunk enough to just leave behind skin.  Trust me, it isn't a thought that warms me, but in a way, having the sagging skin will remind me two things: DON'T GET FAT, AGAIN, and I can DO THIS!  What teaches us ultimately are the consequences of our actions.  I am older than I used to be (duh), and I got too fat, so now I have sagging skin.  Lesson for you "young'uns," do NOT wait to lose weight, your skin will not be so forgiving! 

Truly, if all I have to worry about is sagging skin, then I really got off easy.  I did not develop diabetes, or other serious co-morbitities, so I actually know deep down, I REALLY got off easy.  Sure, I was less able to do all the things I love doing, but I have to wonder, why did it take me this long to finally get serious?  This is a good question for you to ask yourself.  Are you worth the effort?  Heck yeah!!!  If you did not yell out (in your head) a similar response, I hope you have someone to speak with, as you really need to care about your health and happiness.  Okay, I got rid of Fup, now what?

During my recovery process I have had the surgeon's office tell me "Your skin is healing so well!  How are you doing this?"  Protein and excellent nutrition!  Yup, I am going to give a plug to a company that has served me well.  Folks often ask me what I do to get my 100+ grams of protein a day -- which is hard to do if you are NOT allowed to be physically active & keep your weight loss going -- I use CHIKE Meal Replacement.  Yup, a high protein diet after major reconstructive surgery is necessary to heal, and I am healing well.  Other than the hiccup with my drain, my incision is closed & has no redness.  Feel free to look at my albums for my updated photos -- the password for the one protected album is just an email away -- but I do have photos that are not nude.  If you are looking for a solid nutrition base, check out Chike.  You get a portion of your daily required nutrients, 28 grams of protein, all for 190 calories.  I am still keeping my food journal, and have gotten my weight to actually head in the right direction, mainly from what I call "nutritional math".  If you have a meal that is just protein, say a chicken breast, and it is 190 calories, wouldn't you rather getting a meal with all the veggies & starch for the same 190 calories?  Or better still, that same balanced meal would be over 300 calories, or the meal replacement of only 190 calories.  Yup, it makes nutritional sense to me to supplement my daily meals with Chike.

For the next week or two, I will behave, because I MISS being active.  The price I pay now in boredom is paying out in a quick and complete recovery.  No seroma (fluid building up in my gut) is worth my itch to run around & overtax my body, so I am back on my back, with LOTS of pillows.  I believe I have seven of them!  Two under my legs, the other five propping my head & shoulders up.  Funny, I feel like I should feel guilty, but I remind myself that it takes time & patience to get past this hurdle.  Rest assured, I am going to be excited when I am released back to swimming!  I will also start back SLOWLY, as I will have been out of the water (probably) two months.  I think I will shoot for 2000 meters, less if I need to.  Small steps, and I will build from there.

If you are wondering about panniculectomies, feel free to go back into my blog, I believe I really spent a lot of time explaining the process and classifications (whether it is considered reconstructive over merely being cosmetic) back in November and December of last year.  In talking with one of the nurses in my surgeon's office, there has been DRAMATIC changes in the coverage for reconstructive surgery after dramatic weight loss -- so do NOT be afraid to ask if you may be covered for reconstructive surgery.  In my particular case, I not only got the panniculus removed, I had eight tenths of a pound of flesh removed from my mons pubis (I lovingly refer to my "cooter").  If you have to opportunity to meet with a surgeon, ask about what can be done to your private parts -- this is also for the MEN FOLK!  Gynocomastia (what I refer to a MOOB-ectomy) is also available as a "reconstructive" procedure, and being covered by insurance.  Hey, you did a FABULOUS job losing weight, why not have more help in making you look as good as you feel?! 

Being stuck at home is actually not horrific, but it is something you have to be prepared to do if you have 19 pounds of flesh removed from your body.  Okay, so if you haven't already - go check out my photos.  I will continue to post more as I recover, and understand I am severely swollen, so it should shrink back to normal in time.  Stay positive!!!

Brenda : )~

I just seem to slowly be getting back to an almost normal daily life - I still have lots of limitations, but as I say, slowly adding more to my day.  Three weeks ago I had my "fup" (pannus) removed, and I am finally allowing how I look to sink in.  Weird, I always thought I had a high waist & long trunk -- but in actuality, I guess I don't.  My belly used to end about ten inches lower than it now does, and the funny thing, I just never gave my "cooter" much thought to her location and/or distance from my waist.

For folks who have a long pannus, I think we all have a different image of our private parts.  Under the flesh, they exist, but not out in the open as they were meant to be.  Let me tell you, wearing jeans feels absolutely weird, now that I do not have the fleshy "outer garment" known as "fup".  It is weird to feel so exposed, but not in a bad way, just foreign to me.  I am still very swollen above my hairline/pubic area, that if I stand too long, it starts to feel numb -- obviously I will have to deal with the swelling for as long as it takes to heal, but I am aware of my limitations.

Monday, I have to go back to the doctor for the drain on my left hip, sigh.  I had sprung a leak in my tubing, so I suggested we just leave a stubby tube to continue the draining process, only to NOT realize I am less than dainty in my actions, I somehow yanked out the stitches anchoring said stubby tube.  New pain from torn, open flesh, sigh.  I am being very good with it's care, so worry not, I am not too worried about infection.  The other drain is probably ready to be removed, but I keep wondering if it will happen sooner than later.  I haven't a clue how deep my drains go, but I will share when I find out.  Fascinating stuff, I love knowing what all the tubes are for, what they do, I just love knowing about mysterious things doctors figure out to keep us healthy.

My scale has NOT been in use of late, I just am afraid I may get all freaked out from the lack of positive reinforcement.  I'm swollen, not allowed to do much activity, so how in the world would the scale show me something wonderful?  Instead, I try to remind myself that I will be able to build back my activities, and see the fruits of my labor in the way of pounds lost.  I did try on a pair of Lee Jeans - they mostly fit!  Loose in the crotch - something I cannot ever remember, since my pannus used to tuck into the pants legs (my butt in front).  I have been told by folks who see me on a regular basis I am smaller three weeks out then just after, so I am just going to give the scale a little vacation.

Before you want to ask this question, let me say, I am so looking forward to working toward the next surgery!  Maybe I run the risk of being addicted to getting reconstructive surgery, but I am mostly realistic about what can be achieved.  My top five surgeries I would like... Number Five: Lower Body Lift, so my muffin top in back would be gone.  Number Four: My neck, I finally feel my age when I look in the mirror, sigh.  Number Three: Abdominoplasty.  Number Two: Boob lift, heck maybe even add a little.  Number One: Thighs.  I ranked them in the order I feel their importance, just because some of the loose skin may be able to tighten with more exercise, but some I know I will have to either live with (neck) or get work done to (thighs).  I have already decided I will not hide my floppy, flabby thighs, because if I see them, I will be forced to work harder to achieve my goal, to make them more normal.  If it is staring in my face, I hope it will keep me grounded and know it is up to me to change.

Fifteen months later, I am mostly proud of my work, and know i can work harder to finish the weight loss portion of the journey.  Losing slowly is hopefully going to help me keep it off, but I know that I will have to be on guard for life.  My weight did not happen overnight, but because it was so gradual, I believe that is how it got so high.  I joke about it now, but I sadly used to think, "Oh, thirty pounds will make the difference, I can just get serious, and lose it & be happy..."  When thirty became fifty, I think I was becoming better at telling myself I was fine & can do it, "when I am ready..." 

Back in July of 2008, I had a health scare.  I was having heart palpitations, so I went to see my doctor, "I have finally did it, I broke my heart, I think I finally have heart disease!"  Luckily, my doctor is wise and not into scaring a patient into losing weight, otherwise I may have not come to the conclusion I came to. It turns out, I did NOT have a problem with my heart, I had Pernicious Anemia (inability to absorb B12 on my own), so I needed to start taking shots.  I started feeling better within about a month, but decided then & there, I was going to do something about my "thirty to fifty" pounds.  My goal was to lose enough weight - on my own - not to NEED gastric bypass, so in one year I needed to see big results.  I did lose weight, but frankly, I have no idea how much, as I wasn't using a scale - I was TOO FAT to be weighed at my doctors office.

By Early 2009 the writing was on the wall.  Sure, I was finally exercising 5 days a week, but I was still HUGE.  Things happen, I was in an automotive accident, ironically on my way to swim, so I had to put surgery aside for a year.  By January of 2010, I was scheduled to start the process.  So, for you folks asking how long the process can take, I did not get my surgery until November of 2010.  It takes as long as it takes.  My surgery has made my life worth living again, not that I wasn't happy, I wasn't as active as I wanted to be.  Carrying around close to 500 pounds (474 was my start weight for surgery - that after the year & a half wait) just is not an easy thing to do.  I look back and actually am somewhat proud of the things I was able to do at that high of a weight.  I also feel guilty for being pissed off when I was forced to buy an extra seat on airplanes.  It isn't the fault of anyone else that I needed more than my one seat (well, Southwest sucks, even when I was a normal sized sat person), so I finally did something about it.  Being a proud, fat woman is who I have been my entire adult life, so I have to remember that fat is NOT the norm.

One thing I have to say I received from being fat, I am an empathetic person.  Growing up, I always championed for the "underdog".  Rude comments have been known to be heard from my mouth, but then I remind myself, "Hey, who said YOU are so perfect?!"  Then I see reality for what it is, and treat others how I would like to be treated.  I have wondered how different a person I would have become, had I been a "normal sized" person, and then I realize that even super models have insecurities.  Nobody is perfect, I get that.  I am still learning, "if you can't say something nice, don't say 'nuthin at all..." (Thumper is one of the characters I relate to), and try to live by that simple thought.  There is a lot of really cool things about being alive, so I happily try to live as positive a life as I can, so that maybe others will be able to say nice things about me when I am finished.  My grandmother was someone I can remember having only positive things to say.  Even when I reached adulthood, I was still a kid in my head around her, but she never said a negative thing.  If I can grow up to be like her, or even my great aunt Maura, then I will have lived a good life.  Think before you open your mouth...

Ha ha ha, I actually have to say that this time around - I have lost large amounts of weight a few times in my life - I think I haven't gotten too big for my britches! I joke with folks, "The last time I lost 135 pounds, I ended up losing another 200, my ex husband..."  This time around, I am in a better place, and having surpassed the 135 pound mark months ago, I am not walking around feeling like I am superior, so I have grown as a human.  So many of us become a different person after weight loss.  Trust me, I have lost DEAR friends over their weight loss.  Maybe it is maturity, I am unsure, but this time around, I do feel different.  Oh, I have my moments, which remind me to "think before I ..."  so, I am far from being "truly enlightened".  But, there is a certain amount of pride I have for my mature behavior, and I feel happy about that.  If you are not familiar with losing a lot of weight, many folks start acting out, sexually.  Hey I said it, so it must be true...

Maybe I am a very lucky person, but I finally have someone in my life who (this is going to hurt), well, he completes me.  He brought up the fear of me dumping him, now that I am "skinny," so I am more careful in my peacock behavior.  Yes, I am one of those, "Look at me! Look at me!" people, but for some reason (maturity), I do not have the need this time around.  More friends of mine who lost a lot of weight, stepped out on their significant other, so I am aware of the behavior.  I have laughed at me being as he calls it, "skinny," because this is the smallest size he has known me at.  Far from being skinny, I am also far from being in need of validation that I am now sexually acceptable to more men.  Sorry guys, I have something special at home, and frankly I doubt anyone else can give me those goosey-bumps nearly as well. 

Okay, let me move into another area I have found interesting, being VISIBLE.  How can someone who used to wear a 5X, in brightly colored garb, be invisible?  I was.  Since losing well over 100 pounds (I have lost over 180, so far), I am having more conversations with folks, than before.  I have been swimming at the King County Aquatic Center since August of 2009 (I switched pools that year), and barely talked to any of the folks who worked there (front office, maintenance, life guards), even other patrons.  Weird, since I really started to show real progress in my weight loss journey, more folks seem to see me.  Is it embarrassment?  There is a certain amount of the population who see fat people as being worth less than average sized folks, but there has to be more to this.  As a child, I was fat, but EVERYONE seemed to know me.  I am still the same outgoing person as I was growing up, but somehow, I am more visible now that I am becoming a "normal" sized fat person (that is how my daughter describes me).  How am I more visible in a size 20 than when I was wearing a size 34?  Part of me feels hurt by this new phenomena, as I am still the same Brenda I have always been, just in a smaller package.  So, if you are in the process of losing weight, be advised, if you do not like talking to strangers, it most likely is something you will have to learn to do.  

My laundry buzzer went off a paragraph ago, but sometimes I have to just explore my thoughts & put them out there.  Losing weight is very much a mental thing, not just a physical one, so be prepared.  My best advice to anyone - be positive.  I try to be open & friendly to all strangers, but I am still surprised by human nature (good & bad).  If you are losing weight in hopes that it will fix your life -- other than physical portions of this thought, weight loss isn't the answer.  Being "okay" with who you are is really the key.  I have been lucky to have some wonderful role models, so for me, the weight loss is more to fix my physical self.  Maybe I am talking out of my hat, but I do not think my weight was a buffer.  Like I say, my hat may be muffling my thoughts, but I am always willing to face what needs to be changed, so I can be a role model for someone else.  Man, I hope that didn't sound too full of myself!  I actually have read my journal from Third Grade (yup, I have always enjoyed writing), and I was so proud of that 8 year old, I actually remind myself to be more like her everyday.  On that note, I think I should go do laundry & get to my other correspondence!  It's Sunday and sunny in Seattle, which is a lovely thing!

Brenda : )~