Lots of Thoughts, and I included my Surgical Bill...

Apr 24, 2012

Okay, so I want to start with my usual sigh & eye roll, so come on -- try it, it actually makes me feel better, and might make you feel good too!!  There is an old saying, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger," well, here is my Brenda-ism on that one: What doesn't kill me, just pisses me off... Yes, I am a drama queen in my narrative, but it makes me smile from the inside out!  So many folks tell me they love how I just let things "roll off my back," to which, ask Jeff or my daughter Kate, they will set you straight!  I LOVE to complain about things I cannot change, maybe that is why I do not (or ever had) high blood pressure.  I mostly joke to relieve my frustration, and truth be told, I do not take my complaining seriously.

For anyone who hasn't followed my journey from the early days (way back in March of 2010), I have often spoken of my mother.  She died in 2004, and I postponed getting surgery because of her care and subsequent death. Anyhow, bear with me, I am getting to the point, I just take the scenic route.  My mother used to be a very happy and positive person, until something just broke in her.  Seriously, she was miserable at least the last 20 years of her life, to the point that she was actually happy to get the diagnosis of Stage 4 cancer.  Having been born on her birthday, I like the parts of my personality that I received from her -- I luckily have a pretty decent mix of my father's as well, but my mom was funnier.  Knowing she was miserable, I just worked that much harder on never letting things bring me to a point I needed to just hide.  When she passed, it took me a long time to get over it, but it made me a little stronger in that I refuse to have a bad day.  Yup, I happily tell strangers, "A bad day alive is better than a good day dead!"  Another Brenda-ism:  If you cannot laugh (enjoy life), don't bother getting out of bed!  Laughter is what keeps me going, and it is great for the cardiovascular system!  Heart Healthy Laughter, hmmmm, I think I just came up with yet another Brenda-ism.  Staying positive does take effort, but hey, aren't YOU worth it?

Set backs happen, so does doo doo, so if you let it get to you, you won't be interested in seeing how this whole thing ends.  My mom said she had two regrets about dying.  TWO?!  ONLY TWO?!  For me, I try to aim to have zero regrets.  It really is in how you view things.  I wasn't paying attention to the light turning green > Kept me from getting plowed into by the red light runner.  I only lost one pound > If I just lose one pound a week, that adds up to 52 in a year.  My ex was cheating on me > Woke up to the fact that I could do better than that person.  I lost my job > I am forced to re-evaluate my life, and frankly, I need a vacation!  None of my underwear fits me > NONE of my underwear fits me - I get to find some cute ones!  Just how you look at anything can make you find a giggle, and trust me, folks will enjoy being around you more.  

Oh hey, and here is some really cool information -- I just got my bills from my surgery, my out of pocket is LESS than I imagined!  Sure, paying a hospital bill sucks, but frankly, for what I received, it would be worth the entire bill.  Here is the breakdown...

The surgeon's costs:  Panniculectomy  $4000; Cooter-ectomy (fat removal from the mons pubis) $1126
What insurance paid:  $999.36; $314.07
My charges: $249.84; $78.52

The Anesthesia: Panniculectomy $1720; Dermatolipectomy (cooter-ectomy) $1720
What insurance paid: $173.76; $173.76
My charges: $43.44; $43.44

SO, what they charged was: $8566
What insurance paid: $1660.95
My bill: $415.24

What I had expected and what I got were surprising to me. I knew my out of pocket maximum was $600, but dang!  What a bargain!  I am always interested in seeing what a hospital says your surgery/care costs, what they accepted as payment, and what you end up getting charged.  So, for those folks wanting to shop around, you have at least a little information to go on.  The Dermatolipectomy or as I like to call my Cooter-ectomy is a second, separate procedure - folks had asked about that, so now you know.  I have seen MANY panniculectomies, most without the dermatolipectomy, and frankly, it is TOTALLY worth the extra money.  Shoot, I have a bill of $415.24 > I have lost my Fup & gained a new Cooter!  See, it is in how you look at it.

Not that I mean to be a slacker, but I so darn behind on things relating to my OH portion of my life, yup, I do consider the support here as a very important part of my life.  Thanks to all who have commented & written, I am TRYING to respond to all of you.  I have to take photos of the latest added swimsuits, and I want Diane to know, your suit is ON IT'S WAY!  On the downside of my "light duty", I have gained five pounds, but turning it around, I only gained five pounds and it can also be connected to my period.  This also gives me the opportunity to say CHIKE is helping me take those five pounds & rid myself of them.  I am back to having one "meal," two meal replacements (iLikeChike dot com), and two small snacks (usually one Low Sodium V8 for one of those snacks).  I am getting really light stretching, walking, and light chores around the house to get my exercise in, and cannot wait until my seam heals.  Instead of being all correct, I take the liberty to refer to my open wound along my incision as a pop in my seam - go with it, or just stop reading.  Instead of being all bummed about being set back an additional couple of weeks, I just figure I will have more time to get my photos uploaded & sending out swimsuits.  

If you spend your waking moments obsessing on things you have no control over, you probably won't spend enough time changing them.  Sure, I could have sat at home, watching television when I was 474 pounds, but instead I spent my days being active and in the public eye.  Being that large I had to deal with being invisible, being a target, but I also was a role model to other fat folk afraid of doing things in public.  Surgery alone, even diet alone, will not help you attain the healthy weight you are striving for.  Exercise is a necessary part of existence.  Instead of looking at exercise as a painful part of the equation, try finding something you genuinely enjoy.  For me, I love to swim and bike.  I am hopeful that I will someday be able to run, as I really would dig doing a triathlon.  In the meantime, while I cannot swim or bike, I am working on core strengthening exercises.  Like I said, it's all in how you look at things.  It has taken me almost a year and a half, but I have already lost the equivalent to an adult in weight.  I know I have more to go, but I am still inspired that I can continue this and am staying motivated.  Motivation will sometimes be hard to muster, but if you look at the whole picture, you will find it easier to succeed.

Okay, I am ready to post this collection of my thoughts and go grab a bowl of soup.  I make most of my meals from scratch, so I know what goes into me!  Try it, you'll be surprised by how much easier it is to lose weight, and cheaper than eating out.  Stay positive, and know that if I can do this, so can YOU!

Brenda : )~
12 comments

Is that a Crime Scene in My Pants?

Apr 17, 2012

Ah come on!  Ever feel like you must have done something wrong, and Karma is rearing it's head to remind you to do right?  Well, I happen to know that I behave better than a lot of folks out there, so I then start asking, "Is Karma going to kick in at some point, to give a LITTLE back???"  It doesn't work that way, so do not worry, I am not REALLY expecting some Karmic windfall, but...

For those of you following my journey, I just got the "okee dokee" to return to my usual activities - ahem, including those sinful ones I really (no, REALLY) miss.  My recuperation from having my panniculectomy (see my Blog November/December if you think you want to get one) has been very easy, until today.  I had almost 18 pounds of flesh removed on Leap Day, February 29, 2012, and put on the injured/reserved list for six weeks.  I just started back swimming last week, so I am now on mile 108 for the year - my goal is 600 miles.  My Sweetie and I went to the Oregon Coast for a much deserved - and needed - romantic getaway, only to be thwarted by Karma.  Did my Karma just run over your Dogma?  I love that joke, hopefully none of you are insulted -- I have a very playful sense of humor.  My period decided this would be the perfect time to start, sigh.  Okay, what about the two seater bathtub?!  Hmmm, tried, and ALMOST worked.  Then, I was getting what I self diagnosed as a seroma (a fluid pocket behind the incision from my panniculectomy).  Sigh.  My Sweetie being a more level headed individual decided making whoopee might not be the best idea, I hate when he is right.  So, I enjoyed the gorgeous Oregon Coast, and kept my cooter in her pants.  Although, I did find a loop hole with respect to "making out..."  "Brenda, we are in a public hot tub!"  My answer: "SO?"  I wasn't doing anything worse than kissing passionately, I am sure folks have seen a LOT worse.  Nothing like a hot tub at 9pm, in the rain, ahhhhhh.

Shopping was F U N.  There is an Outlet Mall in Lincoln City, OR.  I bought new bras at Maidenform - score! Did not expect an additional markdown, so ran back & grabbed two more - four bras for $48 -- no sales tax!  Then, I had to stop by and look at sunglasses, right?  Shameless hussy girl received two new pair, and her Sweetie got a pair for himself.  I didn't mention the brand new size 22 jeans, woot! woot!  I am worried to buy anymore, as the swelling is going down.  Retail therapy only works for me if I am saving a lot of money -- otherwise you will find me at the thrift store, no kidding!  Buying new things - new new, not new that is used - makes me feel a little weird.  Like I am indulging in something I should not be.  But, as long as it is only a few things, I think I can convince myself I am not being naughty.  Besides, I did a ton of walking on this trip, so I sort of earned a few goodies, right?  We did discuss my "intimate apparel", as my Sweetie used to feel short changed, "Why don't you wear sexy things anymore?"  I was 474 pounds - not easy to find sexy things in size HugeX... For the record, you can find things, but you need to look hard.  I was sporting 5X & larger, which makes it really expensive & really frustrating.  My current size 22/24 is a lot easy to accessorize.

Here is where I add the rain to my parade.  Remember I spoke of my self diagnosed seroma?  I got an appointment for this morning, and my "seam" popped.  When you have a seroma, there are three options: It gets absorbed naturally; you get it drained (large gauge needle - sometimes surgically drained); it finds a weak spot where you've had an incision - and just opens a new wound.  Mine was the latter, so I am now on antibiotics & two weeks light duty.  You can do everything you are told, and still have a set back.  What YOU do with your setback is what separates you from the weeklings!  I shrugged off the "crime scene in my pants," did what I could to clean up myself, and draped my purse over the stain.  Laughed that I had resolved the seroma - for the second time (I had one from a hernia repair, took 3 months to heal).  I will take my antibiotics happily, and wait two whole weeks to do "the dirty," or swim.  Yup, I may have a wacky outlook, but I always get serious and follow what the doctor tells me.  On the bright side, I have as my doctor says, "fabulous skin, that doesn't scar!"  Yup, I live well, take my vitamins, and do as I am told.  So, hopefully in two weeks, all will be history, and the puffy belly will be gone!

Funny thing I forgot to mention about losing 18 pounds of fat, you lose your ability to FLOAT!  I never needed a "Noodle" in the pool, and treading water is easy for me -- errr, was easy.  I was swimming laps last week, stopped for a drink of water, and sank!  WHAT?!  I had to grab the side of the pool with one hand, and drink with the other.  I never thought I would get excited over sinking -- I won't need as many weights to SCUBA in February!!!  Swimming has been the one activity to really keep me going on this journey, and if you have a hard time exercising -- consider swimming!  Oh, and since I will be on light duty this week, I have NO excuse NOT to get my FREE Swimwear Album up to date!  Yup, you read correctly, I have LOTS of my swimsuits (size 26 & up) and many suits donated or I picked up in my thrift store trips for FREE - disclaimer, I ask if you can pay postage - it really helps, but I will not turn anyone down if they cannot pay the postage.  Help a fellow OH member out - offer your suit for someone making their way through this journey.  Before you say, "I am too fat to use a pubic pool," go see my before photo - on the beach, on Maui, at 474 pounds.  

Positivity will make your journey not only easier, but more enjoyable, besides - when you smile, it makes people wonder why!  Trust me, I have things that bug me, irritate me, but I still remind myself even the worst day alive is better than the best day dead!  I have had bosses who would try to piss me off, because I was upbeat, positive, and frankly - they weren't.  I actually don't let the "turkeys" get me down (have you seen that poster?).  Life really is what YOU make of it.  Sure, I have road bumps, detours, but I also do not mind taking the scenic route.  If you want a long life, happiness does make it easier to attain.  I just laughed when I popped open today.  I could have gotten upset, but what good would that do?  I told the nurse, "At least I don't have to worry how you guys were going to get the fluid out, will you guys charge me less for this visit?!"  My scale is stuck at the moment at 288 pounds, but you know what, I didn't gain 186 pounds in less than a year & a half, so I am way ahead of the gaining curve!  I have lost more weight than my welder daughter (she may have a job!!!  First interview!!!), and she is proud of me.  I still have a long way to go, but I am a whole lot closer!

Stay positive!
Brenda : )~

Did you know Epsom Salts - Magnesium Sulfate will cure constipation? Mix with a little artificial sweetner, and drink -- you'll reverse the tide, for sure!  Just another tip from your Happy Go Lucky Loser...

12 comments

Cooking with Brenda...

Apr 12, 2012

There are days I get an inspiring topic to work on, then I come back, and discover that I cannot find the original post that inspired me, sigh.  Whomever wrote about the Heart Surgeon speaking out on Facebook - thanks!  I did respond to your original post, but sigh, I cannot remember where (I have, ahem, multiple FB accounts, shhhhh) I posted my response.  Here is part of what inspired me -- an article written by a heart surgeon who says inflammation is what is killing us, not cholesterol:

http://www.sott.net/articles/show/242516-Heart-Surgeon-Speaks-Out-On-What-Really-Causes-Heart-Disease

Anyhow, I had posted my two cents mainly citing the lack of cooking skills in recent generations, and that the prepared foods we all (yup, me too) fall back on for quick, easy meals.  I was actually chatting in the bulk foods isle with one lady, and a couple in the fresh meat isle on my shopping trip, today.  Funny, I was giving cooking advice out like I was someone of authority. There was a saying that I cannot recall completely, "if there is more then five ingredients, beware..."  Also, if you are building your meals, you absolutely know what you are eating.  Pink slime has me freaked out, and I actually did look to see who used it, who didn't, who has quit... YUCK!  Back to what I was saying about learning how to cook, I was telling one couple that if they hand trim their meat, it is cheap and easy to make a meal for 4 - 6 people, and CHEAPER than buying the prepared foods. 

My cheater Carne Asada - two cans of Rotel, two pounds of lean beef (you can get carne asada sliced - I then slice it further, into strips) and a couple hours simmering in a pan - good eats!  Add some beans - think protein (not re fried, whole beans, yum).  If you want some carbs in the meal, think Quinoa made like Spanish rice -- mix in another can of Rotel (okay, I do have some prepared foods like Rotel in my pantry - any "Mexican Spiced" canned tomatoes will work) with the water you will use to steam your Quinoa - it is yummy!  Protein packed, and my daughter likes it better than just rice.

Someone on FB asked about ways to cook chicken - ha ha, EASY!  Any base - bouillon is what I usually start with - garlic, seasoning, even orange juice in a frying pan, add skinless chicken, and add veggies -- ding! ding! ding! Winner, winner, chicken dinner!  I started making orange chicken back in the early 1990's - I was just trying to figure something out for dinner. I grabbed chicken, orange concentrate, salt, pepper, and julienne vegetables, and my friends and family would beg for it!  So simple, and without need of fat!!!  The orange juice poaches the meat and adds flavor.  If you are afraid of mixing seasoning on your own, get a bottle of non fat or low fat salad dressing - pour a couple teaspoons in the frying pan, add water to it, then start adding the main ingredients.  Trust me, growing up without a mom to cook (she worked swing shift), I got creative very young.  I started adding bouillon cubes to rice water, and then just went from there.  Oooo, cook your broccoli in bouillon, your family will rave!  My ex Monster-in-Law admitted she missed my broccoli, as she never liked anyone else's before or since.  Grab fresh veggies & toss them in the pan, and you've got amazing and healthy sides.

Even at my highest weight, I never had high cholesterol, probably because I was a finicky eater.  I hate "rubber," that is what my daughter dubbed fat on meat at a young age.  Yup, my eating habits have ruined her for most foods!  If it isn't devoid of the fat, she turns her nose, and I hand trim all meats before cooking.  Yup, she is spoiled.  But, neither of us have Cholesterol issues.  I have had my heart valves checked, EKG's, Stress Tests, and have been told I have a very healthy heart.  Maybe it is my distaste for fast food that helped me, and I dislike mayonnaise, I just know healthy eating is going to give me a longer life.  Not that I am ancient or grew up in the sticks, my hometown had two fast food places, wait, three: Kentucky Fried Chicken, A&W Rootbeer, and Foster's Freeze.  My mom was not a great cook, and not home in the dinner hour, so my three brothers and I usually fended for ourselves.  In a way, I am glad I grew up without fast food, and that I was a finicky eater.

Pressure cookers will make any cut of meat amazing!  I cube my chuck, add V8 to my stock, and a few secret ingredients, I have the most amazing stew ever!  I have had people beg me for the recipe, but I only share with those I feel worthy, ha ha.  Truth be told, it is the ONE meal my mother taught me how to make, and I still have her pressure cooker alongside mine.  I have taught my own daughter how to prepare it, and she made it for her cooking final in her Cooking Class in High School (do I hear an A from the teacher?!)  Fast, no need for fat -- use broth for flavor!  Believe it or not, the type of onion you choose will change the flavor of any meal.  One secret divulged: Red onion is the ONLY onion I use making my mother's stew -- I tried it with whatever I had sitting around, it was just not the same.

If you and/or your family eat Fast Food more than twice a week -- you are NOT going to have an easy time keeping off all the weight you've worked so hard to lose.  I just realized today, I am almost 30 - THIRTY - BMI points lost -- so I have lost the equivalent to an overweight/obese person - sigh!  If you cook it, you can decide how much sodium, fat, and protein goes into your meals.  Think about the savings, I buy & prepare the majority of my family's meals, so we are saving from the days one of us would "run to grab something" when we were tired or just lazy.  Anyhow, eating healthy is my main topic today, the rest is just gravy (low fat!)...

Stay positive!
Brenda : )~

3 comments

Rain & Feeding my Friend the Squirrel...

Apr 11, 2012

What does the rain and feeding a squirrel have to do with anything?  I have become so friendly in the last month and a half with a squirrel with a notched right ear, he comes to my sliding door looking for Fig Newtons & sunflower seeds.  What else could I do while I recuperated?

Well, it has been almost a month and a half, and I finally got to try out my swimming ability.  For my first day back in the water, I had, "Where have you been?" "Did you get the surgery?" "Oh my god! You look great!" "Are you getting any other surgeries?"  To tell the absolute truth, it felt amazing to get all that attention.  Funny, I used to come in, grab my pass, and head to the locker room.  Maybe a little chit chat with the receptionist, but usually I just popped my ear plugs in & swam.

Okay, so to let you know how I feel 6 weeks later, I am a little sore.  When my tummy isn't under compression (girdle or binder), it does feel tender & I have to tighten my abdominal so much, it starts to make a new ache.  Not a bad ache, just different.  The panniculectomy is NOT a tummy tuck, and the only thing anchored to my muscle is the upside down V at the top of my lady parts & where my belly button used to be.  My swelling is still evident, and I even iced it last night.  I took things SLOWLY, but found I still had decent endurance, I swam an hour and did a mile and a half.  The suit I wore yesterday needs to be tighter, so I will have to go on the hunt for more thrift store treasures!  I still cannot get over wearing a size 20 swimsuit - my jeans are comfy, a size 22/24 -- but I need the compression of at least a size 20 swimsuit.

When folks ask about the pain, trust me, it really isn't so bad you would deny yourself the end results!  Sure, it hurts, but so does childbirth, but women still have kids, right?  It has been a life changing surgery, and I am NOT exaggerating.  To get personal, I actually have feeling along the mons pubis (the topside of the lady parts - covered with the short & curlies) that I NEVER had before.  Or, maybe I had feeling, just less, as it was sandwiched by a blanket of fat.  My sweetie & I are taking an extended weekend in Oregon, along the Coast - I have warned him that he BETTER PUT OUT, or else... Understandably, he is afraid of breaking something or hurting me, but a woman has needs...

I cannot say for sure why, whether skin coloring, care of my skin, but my scars are already very faint.  So, for my friends asking when I plan to get the infamous tattoo (super secret, but will share after I get it), I am waiting for the swelling to go down, and frankly, hope that my tummy flattens out a little.  Protein, vitamins, wearing my binder or girdle, and REST, that also has helped to keep the scars to a minimum. 

Miles swam so far this year - 91!  I will be slow to get it back to the 15 - 20 miles a week, but I am also back in the water two weeks earlier, so I hope to make 600 by end of year.  Thank you to EVERYONE who has supported me!!!  I still need to update all the swimsuits! I just received two in the mail - THANKS LYNETTE, I'll find them great homes!!!  There are more suits size 24 and up, so if anyone has any usable suits 22 and under, I am happy to help you find them a new home with a fellow OH Member.

To all of you out there contemplating weight loss surgery - do not fear it, but know you do have to put in your far share of work to get the results.  In 16 1/2 months I have lost 186 pounds, with another 100+ to go.  For those of you who have lost or are in the process of losing and have a long pannus (fat apron), you may be eligible for RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY - a Panniculectomy - and it will change your life!  Life is long, so try to keep that into perspective.  I originally was going to get surgery in 2004 (considered the panniculectomy in 1996), but life had a way of making me have to postpone.  Third time was the charm!  Never lose sight of goals, and try never to let frustration make you give up!  Positivity isn't a guaranty in life, but if you work for it, you will have a more enjoyable life.  Trust me, I can turn a negative into a positive in just how I look at it.  Stay positive, and you will have more happiness than you thought possible!

Brenda : )~
9 comments

About Me
38.8
BMI
RNY
Surgery
11/16/2010
Surgery Date
Mar 16, 2010
Member Since

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