To say I am grumpy is possibly an understatement. But, is it better to be “passionate,” that’s what I call myself when I am complaining/grumpy or otherwise in a less than positive mood, than to just be “blah”. Part of why I am in a “less than positive mood” today stems from where my head was at of late. Nope, I haven’t been writing in about a month. Yup, I am in a borderline negative headspace. So, when people try to contact me through my phone (note to self, the world is a different place, just turn the phone off at bedtime) at hours that are not socially acceptable (note to readers, 9 am – 9 pm in the TIME ZONE of the person you are contacting is polite), it is time to act.
Three nights in a row… Yes, I am muttering, have been since just after 5 am this morning. I am NOT a morning person, and I do covet every minute I get to sleep – this stems from a childhood of never being able to sleep through the night. Day one, an “ass dial” at 4 am. Day two, well let’s include day one in the “after hours, impolite texting” at 11:35 pm in my time zone – followed by another 4 am text asking “when is your birthday?” Folks! This is NOT something you text someone at 4 am – especially if you only know the receiving party as an acquaintance. Then came the barrage of, “Hey Girlfriend” texts from a “friend” I haven’t seen in over a year – she doesn’t realize 6am is NOT the best time to ask me “girlfriend” questions. Moving into day three… The 5 am shower incident is the only thing that saved “girlfriend” from her second day in a row “girlfriend texts” waking me from a deep sleep. I finally had it, texting in all caps – yelling, if you will – “DO NOT TEXT BEFORE 9 AM, not only is it rude to assume every other human is awake at 6 am, it is good manners to not be intrusive” end quote. By the way, she has not responded to that text, yet.
For those of you who do not remember/know life before Microsoft Word, Excel, or even cell phones, there was this thing called a “Rolodex,” that I actually kept the contact persons information – address, full name, phone number, TIME ZONE, and other information that may be needed in conversation. Maybe it was the class I took in tenth grade that made me aware of being polite, it surely was not from my mother. We had an extension phone in our home – another thing many folks may not know or remember, more than one phone hooked to a land line (to those who do not understand this reference, a “home phone”). Anyhow, I used to drive my mother nuts, but for some unknown reason, she rarely showed her displeasure with me jumping into the conversations by running to the other phone in the house. My mother is not living, so if you are reading this from the great beyond, “Sorry Mom!” I will say, having said extension did get me into trouble as a teenager, as I had to run to mom’s bedroom when the phone rang, so as not to have her know it was a boy calling me, sigh.
For those of you who have followed my journey – over 2 ½ years later, I am still wondering when the journey is completed. Well, I guess it is never completed in a sense. When I started this blog, I weighed 474 pounds, which sadly I have to admit, I was heavier, as I spent one year trying to “lose weight before I took drastic measures”. Presently, I have had some issues with my emotions relating to weight loss, so I have retracted from my “peeps”. There just are some days I cannot offer others my usual cheers of positivity, and to those who have reached out to me (I will write you personally), I really do appreciate the love & understanding! Yup, I woke up on the wrong side of grumpy today, but hey, I’ve got my bed linens in the wash, I am showered, and already started to look at work. I am on the fence about swimming today, as I have been swimming at a different pool due to the Olympic Trials taking place at my usual pool (my sweetie got a call from his folks, “Hey, we’ve been watching the Olympic Trials, they keep talking about Federal Way, Washington, is that where Brenda swims at?” Yup, that is where I usually swim, but of late, I have been swimming at one of the local High School pools, and man it is not very inspiring.
During this month of reflection, I actually did something that I do not usually do for myself: ordered a real expensive, bone conductive MP3 player. For those of you who haven’t been following this long journey of mine, I have already destroyed two waterproof headphones for my cheap waterproof MP3 player. The question had come up a few times, “Since you swim every day, why don’t you invest in a NICE MP3 player?!” Well, folks, I did, and I am now bugged that it hasn’t even been shipped yet (damn the internet and all its information!) When it arrives, I am sure to be back in my usual pool, doing my usual laps, and I will let all you happy folks know my opinion of the Finis SwiMP3.2G. Here’s to hoping I just didn’t waste a butt load of money!
Where am I at with my weight loss? Yeah, I bet you were wondering when I would ever get to the meat of the blog entry, weren’t you? Well, my post surgical recovery from my panniculectomy – for those who are scratching your head – think flesh removal without a tummy tuck – has been longer than I expected. I figured 6 – 8 weeks, so I was so not prepared for three months. For those who know me, I hate sitting on my butt for too long, I just have too short of an attention span. Anyhow, I developed two separate seromas – this is a pocket of fluid that either needs to be drained, or finds a way to drain itself – which is unpleasant to say the least. My skin is all happily healed now, and yes the swimming did resume. Then the Olympic Trials came to town, so I had to switch pools. I really think that the lack of, then interruption of exercise has lead to my surly mood. Folks, weight loss does not just happen through diet alone, it is the key exercise that is a necessary part of this equation.
How many miles have I swam this year? 324 miles, and I have fallen behind on my goal to 600. I am not giving up on my goal; I am just trying to talk myself into accepting that I may fall a tad short. If you do not know from reading my blog, I am usually fairly positive, and I like to set goals and achieve them. One of my friends (Thanks Kari) told me yesterday that I need to stop trying to please everyone else, and just “walk away” once in a while. Okay, I am done walking away, and I am pulling up my “big girl panties” and getting back to the headspace that makes achieving goals possible.
Okay, how did I lose over 180 pounds? I eat five small meals a day, two are usually Chicke Meal Replacement Drinks (in five flavors delivering 28 grams of protein for less than 190 calories – and they now have coffee flavor that is better than Click – in my opinion), and make sure I keep my protein at around 90 grams a day. I take supplements – especially since I now live in the Pacific Northwest (we are all Vitamin D deficient for lack of sun), and I journal all my food – I use Lose It! on my iPhone, it breaks done the nutrients and is easy to use. Oh, and I exercise! Without movement, you have fewer chances of making it to a goal weight and staying there. Folks who find exercise painful or inconvenient, you really need to find something you can do daily, that you will do daily. Me, I found swimming. I swim 2500 – 6000 meters a day – and that is five days a week. I made the promise to myself that since I want to see my 96th birthday; I would do all that I can to achieve that goal, and exercise keeps my mind & body happy.
My journey is far from over, but every so often, I need to take a break. I was asked yesterday, “Don’t you ever have days where you just want to have pizza and a soda?” I told them, “Yes, but it’s usually a couple sips of beer, I am not a fan of soda…” I also went on to explain that after surgery it isn’t a matter of “I’ll never be able to eat XYZ,” it’s more a matter of being aware of what I did eat and how much of it. Luckily for me, I am not a big Junk Food addict, but I do have my moments. Same goes with Fast Food. I guess not having grown up in a Fast Food environment, I just see it as low quality fuel. I drive a very nice truck; I take care of my truck by washing it, having it serviced, and not abusing it. Same goes with my body. If you care about your body, maybe you wouldn’t have more than one Fast Food meal in a week? I usually have a couple in a month, so see, I am not perfect, but I am aware.
So, I am back, I have a lot of correspondence to attend to, damn my inner need to be polite! Again, THANK YOU to all who have written me and asked if I was all right, and I apologize for not responding until now. If you want to make the journey with me, I promise I will support you in yours!
Brenda : )~