Larissa P.

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I took a whole buncha pictures today in various clothing states and poses. But you only get to see the fully clothed normal version, ha!



It's really hard posting these pictures. I have spent my whole life trying to make sure there is no evidence of how big I really am, and this goes against all the rules.

Well, what do I know about ANYTHING regarding WLS? I'm just a PRE-OP.

Well, ok, I think I've fairly well educated and informed, having studied every aspect of WLS I could for over 3 years, but I understand the sentiment. I haven't WALKED the walk, so I can't TALK the talk...

So, here is my pledge - I'm gonna stick around. And I'm going to be here in 5 years to see what YOU'VE done and show what I'VE done. And then we'll get to some talking, alright?

If you don't understand the above, don't worry about it, those it's pointed to understand, lol.

Meanwhile, I'm on day 5 of my low-carb regimine and I want CARBS ugh. It's like each meal doesn't have a "complete" feeling. My head has to override my body's craving and tell it to shut UP, you freakin' addict.

It does help, however, to go have some awesome charred dead animals at Texas Roadhouse with a friend also looking to have the DS, Julie (aka Jewel506).


We promised to do this again in a year or so (after surgeries), to compare.

I'm off to the store and other activities with my love, Preston, to keep my mind off the fact that I am (yuck) dieting.

So, I went sugar free for a week and now am going low-carb. It was bit difficult at first, because DAMN did I crave something sweet. My mind just started to wander to ice creams, shakes, cakes and cookies...and I was like, WTF? My body is betraying me! Stoopid body and mind.

I did find, as I have found in the past when low-carbing it, that if you FIRST cut out pure sugar for a week (eating all the complex carbs you want) THEN the next week cut out the carbs, it makes the carb crash soooo much more manageable. And this is why I am doing this, because I don't want to carb crash AND recover from surgery at the same time.  I believe this will make it easier on my post-op. We shall see if my theory holds up!

So, while I feel a bit "floaty" (from the ketones) and want to take more naps, any "hunger" I have is different - foreign - seems to relate to me having no food in my belly rather than just being the monster that lives inside and wants food constantly, no matter how recently I had eaten. And that hunger is satisfied with a chicken breast and protein shake (plus 15 minutes to give my body time to realize it does indeed, have food in its stomach).



I am and was a complete and utter soda addict, so my methadone right now has been Diet Dr Pepper, Diet Mountain Dew, and best of all Diet A&W Cream Soda. I have Chrystal Light (walmart version) too, that I like and will use more often post-surgery when carbonation isn't my friend.

I'm taking a multi-vitamin and calcium now and may add D to that, I think, in a day or two.

Another big preparation is my DOG - Bear - he is my 5 year old Yorkie-Chihuahua mix and is completely attached to my hip - cries whenever I leave the house - and will be in a deep depression while I'm gone for a week, I'm sure.


He may need Prozac.

There is nothing like getting a nasty cold AND a visit from Aunt Flo in the same week. Gah. Well, at least I can be sure that woman won't follow me to Mexico to visit during surgery!

I've been taking multivitamins for a few weeks now, and I'm adding some calcium, to make sure I have some vitamin stores before surgery. Thursday I stopped eating all sugar, then next week all carbs, so I don't  go through a carb crash at the same time as surgery. I'm also going to up my protein and have some protein shakes to prepare, too.

But mainly, I've been preparing on the home front. All those chores I've been putting off? I'm doing them. Spring cleaning, too. I want to come home to a near perfect, stress-free house so I can veg and do nothing for weeks if I need.

I have my bag packed already, I'm a bit anxious.

I'm going to do something I never was brave enough to do before.

First, I am going to post a raw, unedited, unstaged, unrehearsed and unposed picture of what I look like now.



I hate this picture of me. But I love the smiling faces of my family. I've been hiding/ducking from pictures like this for years. Ashamed of how I look, picturing people making fun of me or insulting me or blaming me for looking the way I do. However, I look at other people and don't tear them apart but just enjoy their smiles and find something to complement. As if anyone would be that gracious to me. Kinda funny (not) the mindset, eh?

Well the next thing I am doing that I have never done before is invite people from my life to take a look at this blog. Here, at this website, I have always felt free to discuss anything. How  I feel, what I eat, what I have done before in diet and excersize. We talk about poop and innards. We talk about the joy of one day being able to cross our legs again and it's ok - we all understand - we've been there. We DON'T fee ashamed here, but validated and worthy. But - when we go back to the world we live in day by day - the shame cloaks us like a trap. We feel the judgemental stares of those around us. We feel how everyone knows by golly we should just....you know... eat less, excersize more. I was actually yelled at an torn apart for daring to suggest that this disease of obesity should receive medical treatment like cancer - because I was just a fatty who did this to myself and I'm telling you - that person was almost spitting with fury.

But, as helpful and WONDERFUL and freeing it is to post on this site among people who understand, there has to be some kind of outreach to those beyond our safe bubble, if we are ever to make the last bastion of accepted prejudice as unacceptable as prejudice based on color of skin, handicap, sexual orientation, gender...etc.

But really, while that is a lofty goal, it's more personal to me than that. You know that cliche where you go to your high school reunion and pretend to be more successful than you really are? Well, obese people do that ALL the time. We pretend we aren't as fat as we really are. Because we don't want to rejected, laughed at, judged, even downright hated. It's a world of lies and creative camara angles. It's a world of isolation and feeling like there is something wrong with you, you don't belong.

So, I'm inviting people - from family, to good friends, to aquaintences - to see what I've been hiding. So I don't have to hide anymore. Maybe some will enjoy my journey. Maybe some will cheer me on. Maybe some will be inspired to help themselves or someone they know. Or maybe they will laugh at the fatty. I'm going to take that risk.

As of today, it's 29 days and counting to my surgery. I'm taking vitamins in preparation. Soon, I'll stop simple sugars and then carbs, up my protein. Spring clean my house. Pack. And look forward to be a loser.