This last week has had its ups and downs.  The downs...opening up the cabinet to discover that my hubby bought S'mores Poptarts... Why does junk food have to call my name?  I kept hearing those poptarts call to me for at least an hour...and I had a bad moment of eating...okay two mornings where those stupid things beckoned me, twisting my arms until I gave in (I had no idea that Poptarts were so strong...they must work out in the box...)

Anyway, afterwards I had the "shame on me" thoughts and guilt swept over me.  I started thinking "Oh screw it!  I already messed up today, so I might as well just have a day of indulgence...then start again tomorrow."  How many times over the years of dieting, have I given into this "All or nothing" way of thinking?  How many lost days of giving in to the enemy? 

As I sat there wondering about all this, a quick flash of "You just had 72 grams of carbs...but you still have 28 left for the day..." popped into my head like a bolt of lightning.  I paused the guilt to think out the numbers of how I could manage for the day... Then a second flash, "Even if you go over 100 grams of carbs for the day, you can still be near it..." then another, "Don't sabotage the whole day because of a weak moment."

I have stated before that I am looking for sustainable ways of eating, not going back on a diet.  I just need to maintain my weight now, not lose it...and that is both comforting and scary at the same time.  Knowing I am not trying to lose poundage anymore is slowly creeping into that hollow brain of mine.  After all, I have thought "diet! diet! diet!" and "lose weight! lose weight!  lose weight!" for so long that these automatic thoughts will take a long time of maintenance mode to cure those etched memories.

But it's good to know that I can come back from a bad moment of weakness, realizing that I don't need to beat myself up for the rest of the day...that it's not helpful to play the guilt game in my head...that all I really need to do is keeping looking forward and making a plan to counter the weak moments.  Let me repeat this...GUILT IS NOT HELPFUL!  MAKING A PLAN FOR THE FUTURE IS!

Those poptarts are still staring back at me when I open the cabinet, but somehow, they aren't enticing me now.  I make my egg and bacon, and get my piece of toast...and I am done with that meal.  Many times, I can't finish the toast...for which Bella the happy dog eagerly awaits.  Somehow, those little flashes of thought I had are helping me navigate the waters of recommitment.

I am not perfect, nor should I strive to be.  Humanity is not perfection, but learning from our experiences and moving forward to the next level of growth.  It's nice to know I can change...

Last week, I wrote about recommitting myself to a moderately low carb lifestyle after disclosing how easy it is to eat cookies and breads, etc now.  Hunger is back in full force, like a starving lion.  So here is how my first week went down...

Things that seem to help so far...

1.  Systematically going thru all the labels of stuff I Iike to eat, so that I can get a good reality check on how many carbs and calories I am really getting.

2.  Loading up on nuts! It's amazing how a 1/4 cup of my current favorites...namely the Emerald Sweet & Salty Mixed Nut Blends (dark chocolate peanut butter is my fav) and Blue Diamond Oven Roasted Almonds (butter toffee flavor is divine!)...can fill up the bottomless pit (i.e. Sleevie).

3.  Making myself drink more, especially if I think I am hungry.  I try to get in a minimum of 16 oz before I let myself eat.  I am also making a big pitcher of protein drink nearly every day.  My current favorite uses 2 c Silk Chocolate light (soymilk), 6 TBS PB2 - the chocolate one, 2 TBS creamy peanut butter, 2 scoops of chocolate protein powder, a pinch of salt, and at least 4 cups of ice & water.   I share this pitcher with the rest of my family, so I am drinking roughly 16 - 24 oz a day in high protein, low carb drinks...very filling and it tastes like a Reese's PB cup!  Now that we are in summer survival mode, I am adding more ice and water to whatever I am drinking...this way I am getting more water in my body.

4.  Writing down everything I am eating and drinking. I didn't realize how many calories and carbs I was getting in some favorite drinks....such as vitamin waters...I can't stand the zero calorie form of this brand, so I am drinking Propel zero cal drinks instead. Writing everything down has helped me tweak my diet by helping me see where I am getting most of my calories, carbs, and proteins so I can adjust...  The first 2 days of writing helped me see I was getting about 110 - 120 carbs and 1400 - 1600 calories.  My goals are 100 carbs or less, and 1200 - 1400 calories, with at least 80 grams of protein.  

5.  Letting myself have one piece of bread, toast, or cookie each day.  Allowing myself up to 100 grams of carbs per day accommodates me having 1 piece of toast with my egg & bacon... or stealing a small chocolate chip cookie if I don't have the toast.

6.  Filling up on salads.  I like those Caesar Salad kits you can find at the grocery store...I just don't give myself more than a couple of croutons.  We also have Paradise Bakeries around Phoenix, so I get their smaller sized Asian chicken salad with a full chicken breast...and take out most of the crispy noodles.  It takes 2 meals to eat the whole thing...or longer.

7.  Including more meat on a daily basis.  For the longest time, I struggled being able to eat any kind of meat (except bacon...lol) but since my tummy finally healed (it took 17 months for me not to be in pain or have nausea anymore) I have realized that I need denser proteins to eat (hence the meat and nuts.)

8.  I satisfy my need for fresh fruits with low carb ones...namely berries and now peaches!  Summer fruits are generally lower on the glycemic scale (any type of berry, peaches, etc)...Tropical ones tend to be the higher sugar versions (mangoes, bananas, pineapple, papaya, etc) 

9.  I make sure I have my favorite sweeteners with me (Xylitol) so I am not tempted to use sugar or honey... I have a sweet tooth so this is a must for me.


As I go into week 2, I am hoping my weight continues staying down to 160 - 162 (which is where I am sitting currently.)  I am doing okay with it all, but its not perfect.  I'm not trying to be perfect though... I just want to be vigilant against regain, and be healthy, without feeling like I am missing out on things.  This is what I can live with...