well, here i am, surg went ok, found out i was quite the bleeder, thanks to the supplements i had been taking. my cousin whitney came with me to edmonton, we were there from a mon to a sat, was supposed to stay until the following monday, but i missed james too much. so i flew home early, naughty me! dr karmallis team was great, they kept me in hospital 5 days, so that was nice. i got up and walked almost right after surg, they were impressed, i couldnt wait to start on fluids, but wasnt alklowed until the following day. the day after surg they did a leak test, i sipped up that dye solution like id just crossed the dessert! i was sooooo thirsty, that went wekll, so once i was back in my room i started sipping. 1ounce every 15 mins is what i was allowed. the worst part for me was when they removed the drain, the day they discharged me. the nurse ripped it out of me, it felt disgusting!. the worst pain i had was strangly the back pain for the 1st couple hours after surg, man i dont know how theyve got you layin ion that operating table, but my back was in agony. very little incision pain. once home, i did ok, until 2 horrible things happened, 1st i had a sneezing fit, and ended up tearing some internal stiches, 2nd i got so terribly constipated, i hadnt pooped in 10 day, then for the next 4 days i was in the biffy, sweating, shaking, and crying for 2 hours at a time, finally after 5 doses of milk of magnesia i went, boy did i go! needed a shower, had to throw out my undies, and clean the bathroom, even the walls! it was horrible! about 7 weeks after surg, i ended up in st boniface emerg with a gallbladder attack. it was so bad they admitted me. after 2 ultrasouinds, an mri, and a blood transfusion, they finally removed the darn thing. they told me it was gangerous, necrotic, and there was pus everywhere. apparently i could have died if it stayed in much longer. a month later i had a follow up with the surgeon dr v fraser, awesome lady!! she said i bet you had a lot of pain from the navel incision, i was ummm, yeah. she went on to tell me that they go in put a baggie in you, place the gallbladder in the baggie then pull it out. well they were yanking on mine but they couldnt get it out through the navel incision, so they had to go back in and crush what they discovered was a stone over an inch in diameter!! crazy stuff i tell ya! after my gallbladder, i couldnt keep anything down, even water was painful, nothing tasted good either. so for a month i lived on pepsi slurpees and milk. i quite losing weight, i guess at least i didnt gain. then our house flooded, my dads was in the hospital.... again, i tried taking on alot, more time with bronwyn, getting her up and ready for school, very stressful, always a fight, trying to work on my spirituality, got interested in larping, too much for me, i got very overwhelmed, and started eating crappy food. again still no losing, which bummed me out even more! so here i am now, trying to get back on track, im starting to come back to OH ive started reading my wls books again, and my recent trip to edmonton have all helped. i think im back on track now. my biggest weakness was liquid calories, i was also drinking alot of paralyzers! not just the slurpees....ugh. well since edmonton ive only had 1 slurpee, and one night of drinking alcohol, and ive even switched from paralyzers to vodka orange juice and watered down oj at that. much less calories! like they say on these boards, they can fix your stomache but not your head. 

 ugh! ive been naughty. i guess its the whole last supper syndrome, but its beating me down. as of today i have decided no more giving in to these cravings! i ate 1/4 of a birthday cake one day, surprizingly i didnt eat till the whole cake was all gone though. ive been grabbing a spoon and the jar of peanut butter and going to town. i ate the last of it last night, and have told james no more in the house until i can get a grip on things.  ive been craving paralyzers, ive had a few here and there, talk about calories! im scared. i am now 285lbs. i was recently 279 i think in feb. ahhh! as i type this, its starting. just the mention of peanut butter, and my head just zeros in on it. then i struggle with my head to get it out of my mind. why peanut butter all of a sudden? since mar 22, its been all about the pb. and i really dont have the strength to just induldge a little. im seriously lacking that level of control. i wonder if i will ever have control like that. i will start reading my kobo book called crave again. also my craving change workbook. ive got to get my head straight here. its 6 weeks to surgery. 1 month today till i start my pre op liquid diet. i want to be 280 by liquid diet time, then hmm, , would 270 by surgery be too much to ask? ok, there, now ive put it out there, goddess help me! my bff told me you have to ask the universe for what you need, you got to put it out there in order for it to come to you. sounds good to me! i think after surgery i will delve into my spiritual side ive been to out of touch for to long. if only i could find a coven to work with. i feel so lost being a solitary practitioner, that i havent even so much as lit a candle in years. ok, thaty was a little off topic... lol
point is, ive been weak, very weak. but i kicked myself in the butt after stepping on the scale this a.m so i plan on being back on track as of now!
niki

 ok, so on monday i also got a call from donna, the awesome physiotherapist, she really understands the deal with fibromyalgia. i told her how ive been "nesting" like mad, and am now paying the price. it knocks me out for days after expending that kind of energy. but it was a good conversation. very encouraging. 
 so i think i already wrote that i left a message for lorraine on monday, well, the lady covering for her called me back, and informed me that lorraine was away that day, but the list has not been updated since april 1, and as far as she could tell, it was looking like june-july for me. well on tues lorraine called me she gave me a surgery date of may 23!!!! wow! i was so excited! i told everyone i knew, made childcare arrangments, ugh
so the next day, wednesday, lorraine calls me back and tells me she accidently booked too many people for that day, and has too rebook my surgery. ugh again!!! so now my surgery date is june 5. just another 2 weeks from the previous date, but yeah, thats 2 wekks longer. i am a little disappointed, its only 2 weeks but, well, ya know. its june instead of may. lol, silly i know. really im fine, im just so pumped to have a date finally! and lots of notice, so i can book hotel and flights. ive been feeling that i want my hubby there, but i think he hasnt been offered a co op position because he is asking for time off. tonight my cousin whitney offered to come, i may just may take her up on it!. 
let the count down begin!!
niki

 on thursday last week i phoned nicole, dr karmalis secratary, i asked her if i had been added to the surgical wait list yet, and if she could tell me where i am on that list. she was unable to help me, but gave me lorraines number who is the lady that does the bookings. nicole also recommended that i 1st call the weight wise clinic to see if theyve put me on the list yet. so i called the ww clinic front reception. the lady who answered was named bobby, i asked her if ive been added yet, she informed rather rudely that my nurse and surgeon only reviewed my scope results that day and i was "jumping the gun here" grrr, she was rude, she than put me on hold and lovely sweet lisa with the cool hair came on, she was nice ( which is what ive come to expect from the staff there, i was shocked at that bobby broad! lol) she told me that she is the one who adds people to the wait list, and she will be adding me on monday (today) so i think ill wait till tues-wed to call lorraine and ask where i am on the list. 
so today i had a "phone" apt, with the dietition, it was my girl suneet, it was someone coverin g for her. we went over "maintainingthe change" its usually a class i would attend but i was allowed to do it over the phone. she also gave me my pre-op diet instructions. my pre op diet will be 5 ensure high proteins and 1 cup of skim milk, and as much non calorie drinks as i want, its 1215 cals a day. seems high cal to me, i hope i will lose on it. so i do 14 days full fluids post op then start vitamins and start introducing solids. no bread or rice, seperate liquids and solids, take 20-30 min to eat a meal, chew chew chew, small portions, eat every 2 hours very little bits as needed, work up to 3 meals a day, she told me i will eventually be able to eat 3/4 -11/4 cups of food at a time. keep making healthy choices, i need to get in 68-81g of protein, and my goal weight is 220LBS!!! what why am i doing this surgery for 60lbs?? i want to be 165lbs, now i know shes being conservative, but man will i be ticked if i only reach 220. grrr, that was really discouraging.  sigh...
so now i wait for my other phone apt today from donna (another sweetie) the physiotherapist.
ok, i broke down and called lorraine, but had to leave a message, hopefully she will call me back today. 

 what an exciting trip to edmonton. we left early on thursday mar 29/12. i was fasting for my scope, which was difficult on the plane, sipping tea usually helps my motion sickness on the plane, and i wasnt allowed to take gravol, boooo! lol, oh well, i survived. so we went straight to the hotel and they didnt have a room ready yet, actually check in is not until 3 but weve been very lucky with getting a room early. they really treat us so well there! so we went upstairs to the restaurant/lounge, our girl tara was working, yay! another one who treats us so well, we even get tons of hugs from her. she gave us her phone number as she wants to know when we r coming back, and i think she will come see me in hospital. shes actually a r.n. but was in a terrible accident a couple of years ago, lost some family, including her baby, and was injured to the point that she is unable to be a r.n. anymore. poor thing! shes such a wonderful, loving sweet girl! so i got to watch james eat a big hearty breakfast in front of me while i fasted. i made him eat actually, he didnt want to make it hard on me, really the worst of it for me was being thirsty. im the type of person who drinks 10L of fluids a day. that is definatly going to be the hardest thing for me post op. so we got our room around 10 am and dropped off our bags and headed to the royal alex hospital. we found our way alot easier then i expected, registered, and went to wait my turn in the waiting room( they even had the large chairs in the wait room the same as at the weight wise clinic. i was impressed) while there i saw one of the women from my surgeon consult, and she has the same last name as me, just spelled differently. even after the scope she was in the next bed in the recovery room. i said maybe we will be surgery buddies aswell! be neat to see. so the nurse comes and gets a group of us and leads us to the back to get ready. we each get put in a "curtain/bed" we are told to read and sign some forms and get into a gown. grr, wouldnt you know it i dont fit the gown. so i stick my head out of the curtain and asked for a new one, apparently they have "slim pickins" for gowns in that department. alas, i was so impressed by the wait room only to be disappointed by the gowns. lol, cant tell you how many times ive been in this situation. so she found me a gown, not one of the huge ones, but one that has buttons at the shoulders and down the arms. my biggest problem was my arms anyways so they fit better in the new gown. i am so gonna need plastic surgery on my arms after! so once im already the nurse comes in and reviews my forms then puts an iv in my hand. i ask her to please put it in my left hand because if i have to pee and its on my right hand, due to my size i end up banging my hand and i.v. on the toilet when i wipe. so after a bit of obvious annoyance she ablidges. so i lay there on the bed and im talking with james about surgery and the fact that i never once considered that they may find something that would prevent me from getting the surgery. the nurse comes and gets me and i say see ya! to my hubby, off i go, let the fun begin! so into the "theater" i go. im introduced to dr dennis todoruk, and my surgeons intern( didnt catch his name) who will be doing the procedure as dr karmali is away. they place a blood pressure cuff on me and i am told to roll on to my left side. the anethetist comes over and says that she will now inject the medication into my i.v. OUCH!!!! the tears start and im not getting knocked out, i ask if it should be burning so horribly, she starts to panic, whats going on? i wimper " the blood pressure cuff!" well, yeah... the cuff was inflated nice and tight, so the medication had nowhere to go, so it just sat there burning my forearm. as soon as the took the cuff off the medication hit and i was OUT!. i wake up in recovery, my throat is a little tender but not bed, i felt like i just had the best nap of my life! im ready to go! lol. i had to stay there for an hour and was monitored. they kept me longer then others, but i think its because of my sleep apnea. dr todoruk comes to talk to me and tells me everything is a go for surgery, they did a standard biopsy and tested for h.pylori bactyeria, also i have a hiatus hernia, but no surprise there, it will be fixed during surgery. james came to greet me with 2 bottles of water, the wonderful man! and off we went.
back at hotel we had lunch and i misbehaved i had a chicken club wrap with salad, but i used dressing and allowed the chipotle mayo on the wrap, yummy! every time i eat over the last few months i wonder if ill be able to eat this post op... its a constant in everything i do and think. i had to force myself a month ago to start reading something not wls, im a big reader and love my books, ive enjoyed it but find myself needing the comfort of knowledge and support that my wls books give me. so now i jump back and forth. ive even been re-reading my weight wise modules info. i wanted to go for a swim, but also wanted to take it easy, it was a long day, getting up at 4, after only a few hours sleep, and james hadnt slept at all, so nope, didnt swim, :(  we really need to take advantage of that pool! and i got a new swimsuit i need to wear while i still fit it. its really nice too! that night i was reading a form i was given when my original scope was booked, it lists my apts, but it said that when i know my scope date i need to book a consult between my surgeon and nurse to review my scope results. crap! if that wasnt booked when my scope date was changed, how long will this set me back? the clinic was closed at that time, so i couldnt call. i had trouble sleeping thinking about it.
the next day we slept in, checked out and made our way to the weight wise clinic for my "preparing for bariatic surgery class". 1st thing i did was ask about that review of my scope results, phew! thankfully the awesome receptionist booked those when i phoned her! man shes tops in my books! so off to the class i go, james was allowed to come in, yay! i love how involved he wants to be in all this, hes amazing, so supportive. i get terrified thinking that "we" might change after surgery. we have a very solid relationship, i just hope it stays that way. the class told me everything i wanted to know( except my exact preop diet). the nurse spoke for 1 hour, then the dietican spoke for an hour, and finally the psychologist spoke for an hour. the nurse spoke about the hospital stay and the process, just a very general idea. the dietician talked about vitamins, dumping, post op diet ( i only have to do 2 weeks full fluids then start introducing solids. a couple days of clear fluids in hospital). the psycologist spoke about body image and the expectation gap. at one point he asked us what we do to comfort ourselves without food. everyone was saying stuff like, read, meditate, excercise, i say cuddle my dog or cats, the psychologist says i noticed you didnt say your husband, lol. everyone laughed, my face was red!
we ate at the airport at chilis. its become our tradition, we even have an awesome waitress there aswell, her name is anna, and unfortuatly she wasnt there this time. :( well hopefully we will see her on our next trip....   surgery!