- Username: serendipity2121
- Location: Memphis, TN, USA
- Member Since: 1/7/2008
- BMI: 48.6
- Post Op - Planning a revision
- Surgery Type: RNY (11/28/11)
- Surgeon: Robert Wegner
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Had Frustration .... but I WILL Succeed at this! on December 20, 2011 8:48 am
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As I mentioned before, my emotions are all over the map right now. Yesterday was a bummer day, but, when I forced myself to drink more water, I felt much better. I was bummed about not being perfect at this, but, who is? If anyone is perfect at this, great for them! I, however, am on a constant journey, as I am a constant work in progress. By God's grace I will make it through this with flying colors.
I know we are recommended to not go to restaurants much with GBP, but, I've been in positions lately that led me to restaurants due to my kids' performances, and made the best of them.
Last nights' performance was at Hard Rock Cafe. Something that struck me last night was all the plump & "happy" people eating all sorts of greasy, fried, fat laden foods ... platters of it ... numerous refills of sugar laden and carbonated drinks and just having a grand time... laughing, enjoying each other’s company. I felt remorse temporarily, because I was (am?) one of 'those' people ... eating with no regard for my health. Practically abusing my liver, digestive system, skin, and Brain with tasty, yet, detrimental foods.
I actually felt lonely for a moment, like an outsider as I quietly watched people live it up on what should probably be called garbage. I opted for a Caesar salad, because there were no low fat items anywhere on the menu!!! I picked around the salad until I felt I'd eaten enough to not desire other peoples stuff, and patiently waited for my kids’ performance to end.
As I people watched, I recalled how much I secretly loathed being that way. Oh How I longed to be one of the 'in-control' healthy, beautiful people you see at Whole Foods ... for years and years I wanted to be one of the beautiful ones, able to inspire people to a healthy lifestyle with just a glance at me. Seeing the way I carried myself would be an inspiration to anyone to step away from the 'dark side', I'd imagine ... Now I have my chance! The chance I prayed for, the chance to manage my health, instead of my unhealthy lifestyle, and depression managing me.
Again, i prayed for this! And God granted me this opportunity in many ways!! So, now I get to work it, and live it! Because I signed up for it! And I'm gonna be just fine! No more fear of success! I'm gonna make it after all!
Lost a little on December 16, 2011 1:40 pm
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I went to my PCP yesterday to discuss medication changes and medical care from this point. Because my comorbidities are not typical, I was not able to let go of any of my medications. I am looking forward to geting lower dosages though.
I learned that I have lost 33 lbs since November 14th, 20 lbs can be attributed to the liver shrink diet, and 13 can be contributed to surgery. It's a small amount, but, I'll take it! Can't say I would have lost this at this time of year if it weren't for this surgery and being in this process, so for that I am thankful! The Nurse and Doctor were jumping up and down excited for me .... I was just a bump on the log ... I guess because I have been down this road so much before, it doesn't sound like a grandious achievement. However, again, I'll take it! Even though I haven't lost a size yet, My clothes are nice and loose, very comfortable!
I resumed my counseling sessions today ... I have been going to my counselor for years to deal with issues that encouraged an unhealthy relationship with food. So now my sessions are taking a turn. Now I am staying with counseling to manage the events that come as a result of my weight loss journey. Not that I am expecting a fiasco at some point, but, that I prefer to have monthly sessions with my counselor to help keep me focused on my emotional health. I don't know about you guys, but, I fervently believe that without emotional health, everything else will fall apart, including my relationships and progress.
I'm happy about having the surgery, although I have to say even though I prepared, prepared, and prepared by going to support groups, asking questions, reading blogs, books, articles .... it is NOT easy, but, it is rewarding. I am learning myself all over again ... learning to eat and drink appropriately for my new stoma, because i need to do this for myself. I appreciate the undesirable experiences because they let me know My limitations ...
as a result, My goals at this point are as follows:
* No eating after 1900 ct (if I missed my final snack, I just miss it)
* Protein shake or high protein at the start of each day
* Excercise by walking or floor excercises (no sit-ups) until my 6 week dr visit.
* Document food on www.myfitnesspal.com
(you can customize your diary to calories/fat/protein/sodium/carbs, etc)
I'm finally looking forward to the success the future brings!
I'm Home and Doing Fine on December 1, 2011 9:38 am
I had my surgery on Monday 11/28, and everything was laproscopic. i feel pretty good, except i feel like i have cold on top of healing from the surgery. That's not cool. My goal is to have 2-3 ounces of protein each hour, i'm not getting that yet, so i have to set a schedule. I'm tempted to eat soft foods, just for some variety, but, i'm on liquids through the week.
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Aftersurgery, the first night was really painful. i couldn't take all the normal painkillers that most other people use, so i had to deal with it more. Day 2 was better, but, day 3 was awesome! minimal pain, and minimal nausea. i was discharged on wednesday morning!
I feel so weak right now. on November 20, 2011 7:10 pm
This time of year is so frustrating. everyone has potlucks, parties. I'm 8 days from surgery, and in liver shrink, but, struggling. I was really ill the first couple days, because i have hypoglycemia, but, now i feel like i am gaining weight. i'm not doing well. Is balsamic vinegar allowed on liver shrink? or vitamin e capsules? i wonder if they are contradicting my progress?? please help.
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OMG what Have I done Moment! on October 10, 2011 8:42 am
I had an “OMG! what have I done!” moment yesterday, and I got pretty sad about it.
At a church potluck I did really well, getting grilled chicken, and green beans to eat slowly, and saving non-sweet carbs for last, no water until I waited 15 + min. While I was eating, my family wore out the desert table. There were just as many deserts as there were meal options, and I had a moment of panic. I asked them to block their plates from my sight because it was too much to bear, and I avoided the table, but, got depressed because for some reason it hit me harder yesterday than before that I can’t have that anymore… I guess yesterday was a day that I would have really liked to have something. Usually I can see and smell things, and pass without much of a desire for them, but, yesterday I really wanted something … anything. It was a really tough reality check for me. Is it this hard after the surgery?
I think it was the mental thing that Dr's talk about. Feeling you can never have it is harder on you. Saying goodbye to them this time really hurt more than the other times.
It really bothered me, becasue I am trying to adapt to this lifestyle now. I am 7 weeks prior to my surgery. I met people who have stopped doing well on this lifestyle, and/or gave up entirely. I don't want to be one of those people. I am granted a 2nd chance through God's grace solely... I don't want to screw this up. i feel i owe it to myself, and to God to do right by my health.
How Do you handle desire for sweets before your gastric bypass surgery?
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I had this nice long story typed out about 3 am this morning, and before I could save my pc rebooted itself! UGH! So I'll try to complete this again with no issues.
My Story is this:
40 year old (as of 10/3) wife & mom of 1. I grew up in an abusive home, where my father blamed my mother for anything unfortunate that happened ever! He faught, cussed, yelled and screamed into the night 85% of the time. I was a very sensitive child, with very few friends, and took what was dished out to me ... i didn't know any better, i saw if every day. I'd come home wounded daily from school and neighborhood kids (even church kids), to confusion, chaos and probably needing to call the police to force my dad to calm down. I can't tell you how many times I called. He'd act reasonable when others came around. Anyway, needless to say, food was my friend, because the world treated me like I was not good enough. [I still don't fit in, but, I'm content with being me now]
I felt devalued everywhere, thinking I needed to please my mom and God by not fighting back, so I ate .... the more delish, the more voids were filled. The world doesn't like fat people, Hence, the cycle started ... void filling, diet, boredom; void, excercise, fatigue; exasperation, void, diet, excercise; hypnosis, void, diet, gave up. I'd eat and drink and excercise like everyone else, but the evidence remained on me. I veiw myself as broken, and that i needed to be fixed because I didn't work like everyone else. What I didn't know is that my body type was susceptible to weight gain, and I couldn't have what they had. I have insulin resistance, and Standard American Diets weren't built for people like me.
In 2007 I got the lap-band ... thinking, this is great, i can lose the weight with smaller portions, and I won't have to get 'all cut up' to do it. I can still live my life. Well, it sounded great, but, i never kept my 'sweet spot' ... even when i'd watch the screen to see the yucky stuff going down, If I got that spot, it was temporary. So I gave up on that too. thinking nothing would work for me. Dr even refused to fill me further, because I needed to use will power. Does will power work when you can't feel the sweet spot? [Side note: if I could rely on will power, would I have had surgery?]
Fast forward another few years of void, diet, excercise, boredom, hcg, weight watchers, south beach, atkins, God only knows what else ... I started thinking about GBP surgery. I was sick of the cycle, and wanted better for my life and family. I'd seen documentaries and read stories, peoples live had been changed for the better with it. So what if you lose some foods, food is a terrible friend! I went to get my 6 months of weigh ins 3 times before this last time that stuck! My PCP kept talking me out of it, saying we can try this, or that .... I agreed becasue If I did this, I wanted it to be my absolute last resort! and it is!
So, I have movtivating factors listed in a blog titled 'Why?'
3 external motivating factors:
As terrible as that disaster was, i remember one key message that was delivered ... they needed clothes for larger people, bras, underwear, etc was a special plea ... those larger ladies were me! And they were stcuk somewhere in a disaster that people had responded to, but, couldn't fit the clothes.... i still remember how my heart sunk and my face fell when i heard that. Clothes were washing off of people in rushing water. It still breaks my heart to think someone couldn't fit the clothes that were donated. I didn't want to be in the same boat if the new madrid fault hit here in the mid-south and we were forced to wait for help.
I refuse to even attempt to buy a plane ticket, because i know the seat belats won't fit. I have a condition that causes clots, and it would be dangerous for me to sit scrunched in a plane, unable to move, and forced to get that exteder seat. Plus, the first class seats are expensive, and no one wants to sit next to you because you've filled your seat up and part of theirs.
Amusement park rides
Went to disney in 2008, a family trip with my brother, sister and fam. I didn't ride anything because I was afriad I wouldn't fit.
What I am looking forward too:
Standing up straighter and taller, because I have acheived something worthwhile for my heath
and because my back won't strain so much
Getting rid of some of my medicine
Helping others to get healthy and avoid surgery, or to have surgery with support
Serving the Lord more
I go to see the surgeon Wed 9/21. I'm praying for God to guide this process if it is His will, because I need insurance approval and His blessing! If insurance won't approve me, I will have to take a loan out on my retirement to pay for this... and get a second job to pay it back. I hope that is not the case, because if I get too tired, I won't follow the plans as well, and my not have great results. And my kid needs mom around.
Thanks for listening!