I am so tired. I have decided this surgery is going to happen when the time is right. I fight, rant, rave, and holler but nothing happens to make the insurance and all the doctors communicate. 

I've done all the tests. The insurance should approve. There is no reason they will not. It is just going to be on their time table and not mine.

I've lit candles and incense and asked for guidance and perseverence and calmness of spirit. I've asked for protection and safety during my surgery and recovery. That is all I can do.

I've left a message with my pcp to call the insurance company tomorrow to give permission for the surgery to be preformed at a hospital out of network, where my surgeon practices. This has to be done before the insurance can even approve the surgery.

Of course I found out about this little detail Friday afternoon and my pcp's office was closed for the day and will not be open again until Monday morning. And of course, I was to have surgery on Wednesday. Is it possible all the chicks will lineup in a row in two days? Will the out of network hospital be approved and my packet be reviewed and signed off on before Wednesday, November 1st? I want to say no, but I need to put positive vibes out there. And if it doesn't happen on Wednesday, it shouldn't be because I was negative. But for a reason I can not see, but in my best interest. I just need to believe and have faith.

There comes a point in life where you have to realize your limitations, what is within your power and what is not. And not begrudge what is out of your control but meditate on it and believe in the powers of the universe to sort out the good and the bad, the light and the dark and the gray.

I'll continue to attempt to put out there in the world the good I have to offer. And hope I can continue to do that instead of worry about myself.
This surgery will happen, I just have to be calm and cool and persevere.

Okay, deep breathe, out with the bad air, in with the good air....

I am so stressed right now, I hope I don't crash and burn. I've been caring for my husband since his surgery and working my job. Although my husband doesn't need a lot of care right now, he is still not able to get a good night's sleep because of the laying down issue. So I'm worried about him and his recovery.

My daughter is a trainer for the job she has and has to travel some because of it. When she was offered the position, I encouraged her to take it and told her we, hubbie and I, would help pick up the slack with my granddaughter. Well, she had to go out of town this week and it was the week from hell for me. So I didn't help much and I'm feeling guilty about that.

My doctor's office didn't get my information submitted until Monday, October 23. They faxed it in. I called the insurance on Tuesday to make sure they got it and they said they didn't have it in their system yet and it took 24 hours to do that. So I called them back on Wednesday after lunch and they still didn't have anything with my id, name or birthdate. So, I called my doctor's office and left a message for the gal who handles those things. I said I had called A***a and they didn't have anything and would she call and refax. I guess I pissed her off because she called me at home that evening and let me know it was in the insurance's hands and there was nothing they could do.

I must have missed something. Maybe someone had kicked her dog right before she called me because I couldn't fathom she would be upset with the message I left. So we had a tense conversation that ended with me saying "Okayee, Dokayee" and hanging up. I was in tears but not hurt, just stressed out.

I called the insurance again this morning, this time using a number a co-worker gave me to the patient management group. Again, they have nothing for me and nothing in the pending fax file. I took a chance and called my doctor's office again, with my hat in my hand. Of course she didn't answer so I was forced to leave a voice mail. I tried to assure again I was riding the insurance company, and didn't not mean to offend her. I just was trying to persevere through this. We had a date of November 1 and until that date came and went, that is what I was shooting for. I gave her the number and asked her to call them and refax the information. She didn't call me back. So I don't know if things got refaxed or not. I don't want to be called a bulldog, but this is my life and I'm fighting for it. I also don't want to bite the hand that feeds me, so I am trying very hard to be careful, persistent, but careful.

Anyway, it is 6 days until my surgery date. I know changing the date is not a problem. But as of today, I am not giving up on the one I have.

By the way, tomorrow is my husband's birthday, so I am also stressing about that and his dinner party. I just need to put things in a priority order but honestly, I don't know what to put first and what to put last. That is a first for me. Normally, I excel at prioritizing and problem solving. Unless it is my own problems, I guess. Wish me luck and burn an incense stick for me.