Get down to 145 pounds

So when I made the desicion to have WLS, I made up my mind that I was telling my husband, my mom, my dad and my brother and that's all of the family I was going to tell.

All of my family is thin.  Like, skinny thin.  ALL of them, even extended family.  The biggest size anyone wears is probably an 8.  At every family function and every get together, I dreaded it because of how out of place I felt.  And my grandparents on my dad's side have always been very open with me about my weight up until about 10 years ago.  When I was a kid, they'd try to get me on "diets" and always confront me about what I ate.  I know in my heart that their intentions were pure and they were coming to me in love and out of genuine concern for me, but it hurt.  It hurt BAD.  I know they meant well, but it was hard for a kid to deal with.  And then when I would tell my mom about it, she would feel bad and let me have whatever I wanted because she felt bad.  So I had 2 very different forms of how my family handled me being overweight.  My mom's side always acted like they never saw it, and I always ate whatever I wanted around them, my dad's side was the exact opposite.  If I was eating something around them that wasn't healthy enough, they'd let me know it.  Of course not in a mean way, but I already felt uncomfortable, so that made it even worse.  When I got married and had kids of my own, my grandparents (my dad's side) completely stopped saying anything about my weight, and really accepted me for ME.  Not that they hadn't accepted me before, but I could really feel their acceptance now.  So that's the main reason that I chose to only tell the few family members that I told about this surgery.  Only for fear of some of my family thinking it was an "easy" way out.  Yes, it's been easy for me, but for most people, it's NOT easy, and what's not easy for me is trying to match my mind up with my new stomach.  So although it's not hard as in I'm out of breath, sweating like crazy because I'm working out so hard, it's more of a quest to have my mind realize that I have a TINY NEW STOMACH!  lol

Ok, I promise I'm going somewhere with this....

Today, me, Miah, the kids, my parents and my grandparents (dad's side) went out to eat for Easter dinner.  My mom and I were sitting across from each other about 3 chairs down from my grandparents, so we were able to talk without anyone hearing us.  It's awkward to go out to eat with people who don't know I've had the surgery because of all the questions...
"Are you just not hungry?"
"Do you not like what you ordered?  Get something you'll like!"
"Are you feeling ok?"
Because I'm eating so little, people DO notice, especially when you're out to eat. 

So I made some remark to my mom about a piece of lettuce being my lunch and she asked me if I had told my grandparents.  I said no.  I said I probably should tell them, but I didn't know.  She was all, "Can I tell them??!?"  She's so funny like that, she got all excited when I said yes.  :o) 

So she told them.

I was sitting on my hands because they were shaking because I was so nervous of what their reaction would be.  And let me tell you, all I wanted to do was cry when I saw their reaction.  They were SO HAPPY that they almost just didn't know what to do.  They were so glad that I had done that for myself to be healthy and happier.  They thought that it was an excellent desicion on my part and were so proud of me that I had done it.  And when I told them how good I did throught the surgery and recovery, they were even more thrilled.  My Granddad even said it was the best thing he's heard in a REALLY long time!!  THEY ARE PROUD OF ME!  Do you know how good that feels?  Especially when I've felt so unworthy to be proud of, especially to them, who I thought I've let down all these years.  I know I haven't, but my self-esteem tells me that I have.  It's hard to overcome that.  But not today!  The look on their faces was something I will remember forever. 

I just thought I would share.  I'm still just beaming about it.  I'm SO happy that they were SO happy.  :o)

((Oh, and I should mention....the chairs we sat in today were the kind that have a back and arms that are all connected, like a half circle, you know the kind?  Well, they have ARMS, and I was scared when I saw them and even more scared when I saw that those were the ONLY kind there!  But, to my surprise, when I sat down in it, I FIT PERFECTLY!  YAY! 
Today has been a good day.  ))

And I'm happy to say that 52 pounds are OFF!  YAY!  I'm soooo excited!  A part of me thought that the weight would come off a lot faster, but I'm ok with 52 pounds in just a little over 8 weeks.  After all, it did take me a LOT longer to put on all this weight!  And at this rate, I'll probably be down 100 pounds by the 6 month mark!  At least, that's what I'm hoping for. 

And today, my hubby and I have been married for 10 years!!!

I'm noticing my weight loss a lot more this week.  All of my old clothes are super baggy on me, about 70% are just too big too wear anymore, my collar bones are finally showing again (YESS!!!  I LOVE that!), and I'm really noticing that my arms and legs are shrinking.  My waist has always been small, well, lol, in comparison to the rest of my body, and that is just showing more and more too.  My son even told me yesterday that I looked like one of those milk glasses on those "drink 24 ounces of milk in 24 hours" commercials, the hour glass shaped ones.  That SOOO made my day!  He said it out of the blue too.  So you know when a kid notices, that's a good sign!  lol

I'm SOOOO close to being out of the 300 pounds too!  Like so close.  I'm hoping to be in the 200's in 2 weeks.  Or VERY shortly after.  That is so exciting to me, but at the same time, kinda discouraging.  I mean, I'm so happy to almost be under 300 pounds, but come on, THREE HUNDRED POUNDS?  Especially at my short height.  But, one day at a time, and I need to accept the accomplishment of almost getting out of the 300 pounds and then just work on getting out of the 200 pounds (LOL!), especially since my weight right before surgery was in the high 300's.  My goal weight is 145, so I've got a ways to go, but I'm ready and excited for the journey.  And the weight chart on this site is helping me a lot.  I think just seeing how much I've lost and how much I have till my goal weight is a positive reminder that I CAN DO IT.  And WILL do it.  And my BMI before surgery was over 60, now it's almost out of the 50's.  I like seeing that number go down too.

Anyway, I'm excited about how things are going.  I get impatient at times, but I think that's pretty normal.  I'm still feeling great.  I'm finding it harder and harder to eat breakfast, because it seems like I get full in 2 bites so I'm trying really hard to eat a protein packed couple bites, lol.  Boca Burgers are pretty good for breakfast, so I've been having about 1/4 of one in the morning.  100 calories per BIG burger (that's why I can only eat abou 1/4 of it) and like 17 grams of protein, so that's pretty good.  I'm not getting anywhere near enough protein, but I don't think I was even getting over 60 grams BEFORE surgery!  lol  So I'm not too concerned about it.  I'm MUCH better on my fluids though.  I'm getting over 64 ounces a day now, so I'm proud of myself for that.  hehehe

Ok, well, I'm rambling now, so I'll pinch this blog off.......

Have a good day everyone!!!