wow

almost 3 months along.

Went to my Dr a week or so ago to get all the blood tests etc....Apparantly i am in tip top shape! My blood is fine and taking my vitamins really makes a big difference!
I am down 100pds fo sho now but am still creeping along. This has been a very slow progression of weight loss ever. I mean I have seen my family lose most of their weight in the first 4 months after surgery...me? Not quite like that at all.
Everything is good. I am pmsy today and cant stop craving choco chip cookies! Its driving me batty.
Other then that - i have to get to the gym and get on a better diet. I can be good at this ya know? I will not turn out like my mom or aunt. I will succeed!

Here I am 10 months out and i am down 96 pounds. Almost 100 but SLOW GOING. I feel great and everyone says I look great. but seriously I am a skin flappin mahmah. THis sux! I raise my arm to waive good by and my pants almost fly down because of the fan of air created from my underarm.
But its all good. I still have time to work it all tight again.
I leave for South Africa the day after tomorrow and boy howdy amd i excited. Woody and I are going for Deep Shark Cage diving and Safari-ing. I will have to update when I get back of course. Pics will be posted too.
I have not been to the DR in so long its criminal!

Well I moved in with my lover. Everything is great. We live in a 3br house 4 doors from the beachs sand. I am hovering at 210 and missed my period last month so i feel horrible! I keep taking tests and it all pops up negative. BUT i still wonder....
I think I will flip if i ever get below 200. At this point I am 8 months out and I dont know if i ever will....but ill die trying.

This is a guy that I have known for years. We just didnt really talk before. I was friends with his sister and family before I got with him.

Point being - this weekend he told me, and has been saying ever since, that I am his own personal goddess and God sent me here for him to worship.

I have NEVER had anyone say anything close to that.
I have to tell myself that I am worthy .
I have to deal with these evasive fat girl 'i dont deserve him' emotions.
He knows and he tells me he can see it on my face that I dont accept what he says very well.
I love him with the passion of a thousand firey suns and that hasnt changed or waivered. BUT it still feels new and has been a learning expierence all along for me.

Ok so i havent seen my DR for any follow up appointments. I had one scheduled yesterday but his office moved and no one told me so I didnt get to see him.
BUT
I weighed myself and lo and behold its true, I have broken this plateau. I am now at 213.
I dont really see myself ever being skinny. BUT I have never been below 220 as an adult. The last time I weighed below was when i was a freshman and 4'11 (ya ya i grew a foot in my sophmore - jr year).
Anyhow I feel great! Everyone tells me i look good but I am just having a hard time seeing it. I feel just like me. I look in the mirror and I see the same person I always saw. Maybe i wasnt really down on myself as most people are? Maybe because I had been big for so long I chose not to physically understand myself? I got worried when I was told I had bad health, that was my big motivator. Not because i was crying while looking into the mirror or anything. Hmm.
Anyway - I moved in with my boyfriend/lover. He is still the most amazing thing I have ever come across. I love him. He is my soul mate.  Moving in was the right thing to do.We are going to South Africa in october to go shark cage diving. When we get back he wants kids marraige etc. So we shall see.
anyway - i hope you all are well.
Have a good one!

I think I am below 220 now. If i am this is the lightest I have weighed since my sophmore year in high school. My scale has a mind of its own and chooses something in a 10 pound bracket. Lately its weighing me below 220 regardless.
I cant believe it and I dont know what I did?

DOnt know what the deal is. Maybe i just have a creepy old scale that says what it wants to. BUT in general I am freaking out because my mom had this surgery and is already a size 20 again. I am so afraid that i am going to do the same thing. I realize its only been 5 months or so. BUT what if? 
I have to make the right choices and i feel like I have no support system. The girl in the office who had the surgery really eats what she wants to and does not have much advice. The other girl who had it is really into her success etc. BUT is so busy we dont get to talk much about it. I almost feel like i need a counselor. What do i do? 
Today I am tired. I over commit myself to things and just feel burnt out. I havent had a vacation since the surgery where I tool 1 whole week off BUT was working by phone and email 2 days after the surgery. I feel depressed in a way but my life is better then it has been in forever. Am i hormonally challenged? Does this happen? My hair is falling out. I havent been to the DRs in a while and i feel like a slacker. Im living off of starbucks Fruit and CHeese plates and cafe mochas (i should be shot for that). annndddd thats about it. 
I am looking for advice or something. Am i on the right trak? What more should I do? How do i motivate myself? 

Sincerely,

Hovering and Hormonal in San Diego

Well I felt like I hit a platrau, in my 4th month! Weight loss has been going slow but I blame it on me and only me. I have been horrible about the water and protein. I sometimes forget my vitamins as well. BUT ive been 95% consistant with them and dont feel poorly as a result. 
80 pounds gone, and I dont feel a thing. I am still wearing some of the same clothes...alot of them actually. I have no idea what to buy right now and i dont think i look any differently although people tell me I do. 
Life is good. Im so in love with my man, its retarted. Its amazing how you can be dingle and sleep in a bed alone for years and then one day you meet your soulmate and life isnt complete unless they are with you. My bed feels empty without him when I stay at my house and he at his. 99% of the time we are at each others houses but on Monday i stayed home and it felt so foreign to be alone, without him. I have not expierenced the intensity of emotions that I feel for him. So this whole WLS has been a rollercoaster for many reasons. He has been my rock and amazing about this whole experience. 
I dont know what else to say except that I am looking forward to getting to goal! 
OH and I 'dumped' for the first time ever!! I swear i didnt know what the DR was referring to when he would talk about dumping because i hadnt expierenced it yet reallt...well I found out 'Crab Rangoon + sweet and sour sauce = diarrhea'
good to know.
No fried foods, no sweet sugery foods
and with the rest - im AOK.

Until next time...

Now how did THAT happen ? 

Sheesh. 

Im still in love. Dont have any body pics or anything yet although people are commenting on it left and right. I bought a size 16 pants this weekend for the first time in years. Finally found some good protein powder and my vitamins are great. Im really struggleing with the H2O and that kills me because before this, i drank like a horse. Whats wrong with me? 

Anyway...have a good night!

And it looks like I am 55 pounds down! Wow, I never would have thought that I could lose that amount of weight so fast....its amazing. 
I do not have a gym membership but I try to do other stuff so hopefully my skin will follow me in getting tighter. 

Things are going well otherwise....My guy and I are doing great. He is amazing and has been amazing all the way around . 
Last night we had the most romantic night ever. I made dinner and he helped with the sides etc...we sat in front of the fire while listening to music, drinking wine and eating our meal. After we turned on the fire place in the bedroom and got in the jacuzzi in the bedroom and fed each other grapes and cherrys while taking the biggest bubble jaccuzzi ever. After that we both just passed out like crazy.  Keeping in mind that Ive always been big, its not hard for me to prance around naked while looking like this. Right now what I am most insecure about is #1 the scars and #2 my ever shrinking busom. There was a time when I hit DD. Right now I would be lucky to be a full C. Its very dewomanizing in one sense JUST BECAUSE thats what used to be my best sexual asset/feature. Either way - hes happy with me and to me, Im happy with me and although the transition is a mind trip....i think I will be just as happy with myself in the future.

Still having a hard time with fluid intake including the protein shakes. I am trying like a bandit to eat tuna and things like that to keep up my intake.

still wearing the same size as I did before (i DONT want to go buy new clothes yet). I think I am around 40-45 pounds down. I still am not getting my protein in and struggle with the vitamins, simply because I dont want to vomit anymore. So I am afraid to take them. I try, and will continue. Some days i can and some days i cant. Hmmm..

But the biggest most important thing is, a guy Ive known for a long time, finally crossed the 'friendship' border into telling me he likes me and always has etc. etc. etc...I cant say enough about him. Weve done all kinds of stuff together just because we have alot in common but his cousin is one of my best friends, so we have always felt almost like family. He came to my Christmas party with me and OH GOD i felt SO fat and it was the day before my surgery, so I couldnt eat anything, and he knew it. But we had the best time. I have never talked to him at length like I had that night. The party was on a cruise boat here in San Diego and we stood on the back of the boat and watched all the stars and just talked about EVERYTHING. After we parted ways that night, I called my Granny and my friend/his cousin and said 'Ive met THE ONE'. Well this past weekend we went to the J.Paul Getty museum in LA and it was amazing. We are both artists and love any kind of art. SO it was so good to be with someone that would really appreciate stuff like that. He was watching my reactions and I was watching his. It was beautiful. Then we went out for a nice dinner where we drew pictures of each other on the table at the restraunt. After that we went back to his house, talked till 5 in the morning in the candle light and ended up in bed - the rest of the weekend. Everything was so innocent and pure. He was intuitive and tender and extremely gifted and talented. But I have never been in a relationship/situation like that. Its like my soul knows his already or something.
last week I had a dream that he was telling me a story and while he was telling me a story I was laying on his chest and he was using his hands to tell the story. In the dream I felt so at peace and so in love with him. I woke up from the dream and felt sad that I didnt have 'that'. I of course called one of my friends who the very same night had a dream kind of like that about her man, and I told her my dream. Well on Sunday after one of our many body ravaging sessions, he was telling me a story as I laid on his chest and he was using his hands. Tears filled my eyes and of COURSE he was like "Are you ok?". I told him the story and I dont know WHY i got al emotional, but in the simpicity of the moment, it was too beautiful for words. He is too wonderful for words and the scary thing is? He is better to me then I am to him.
I dont know. 
But I am so starry eyed about him. 

thats all for now. Im going to try to post pics on this...bear with me.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v97/sharkygurl7/Picture026.jpg
These are all my 'boys', well not all of them. But my babies. My guy is on my right. SOmehow that is not a good showing of him...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v97/sharkygurl7/Picture033.jpg
and I probly didnt tell you, im a freak.

THrowing up....sheesh. This time it was my chewable vitamins that I have been taking for almost a month. What the hell? Seriously, I am getting really good at the whole vomiting thing. But whats worse is I was out to lunch with my boss doing my review and I had to go to the bathroom and he knew why because when I went last time with him, the same thing happened. How embaressing. I am fortunate enough not to have had any other issues = I just dont want to vomit anymore. Im thinking its the sugar in the chewables....

On another note I am about 40 pds down. Everyone is saying i look great and I dont really feel any different. I can tell my face is shrinking and my clothes are bigger but i dont feel 'skinnier' per se. 
I am having trouble getting my fluids down and keeping protein down.
Any tricks or ideas? This is getting old....

So everything has been going superbly. I was sick for a while but I had a tooth infection and they put me on antibiotics which i ended up being allergic to. So they put me on another antibiotic....which I found out I was allergic to the day I took those vitamins I previously wrote about. I thought originally it was because i couldnt handle the vits. BUT after throwing up about 80 times...and everything smelling like penicillin - i kinda figured out what really was going on. Once i got better from that - I feel like a million bucks! I have not had one single solitary issue. Now I do realize the adjusting part hasnt really started. I mean I just begun the regular diet so anything that I should have problems with, I assume i will start now. BUT last night I was at a patients house and she absolutely insisted that I eat this ice cream thing she made. I sisnt want to but of course felt peer pressured into it. It was like a small ice cream bar almost. When I was done with it - no problems whatsoever!
One thing i did notice is - i get drunk so fast. WOW. I went to a wine gallery for fun with friends and the band that was playing i knew. My date (the guy im gonna marry, he just dosnt know it yet)  had to take care of me. I was tossed after 2 glasses of wine and embarassed myself in front of everyone! It was great!
Im looking forward to the future, Im not afraid anymore like I was before. Ive done everything to the T except the protein shakes. I cant seem to find one that dosnt make me gag!! So i just havent done it. I wonder if there is a protein pill (you know, like the one David Bowie sings about in space oddessy) that i could take instead. At this point im willing to take 10 more pills a day then try to choke another shake down. Any suggestions? 
Until next time....35 pounds down, 1 month out, i have no idea what my measurements are and im hopeing to lose another 20 by the end of this month!

I am throwing up and I cant stop. Im at work and I took new vitamins and thats all im throwing up. God i cant stand it.

I have been in a certain weight bracket for a long time. I have not gone below that yet but i know i will within this next month. I think thats when everything is going to start hitting me. 
For me I am not mourning food or anything....its the change of my routine that is becoming an issue. From fast food quick in my car lunches to big buisness dinners, I didnt realize how involved food was with my work/life. Needless to say, I am adjusting. I am following the diet plan to a T but I cant seem to find a protein shake i can handle. I know the DRs office sells some, so I guess I will go there becaue honestly this week - i have only had about 1 shake and im feeling guilty about it. 
I dont look any different, although im being told people can tell. 
I got thru the holidays just fine and although its not on the plan- i ate lunchables today. Turkey and cheese and it was breakfast and lunch. Wonderful invention if i do say so myself!
Thats it for now. Im somewhere around a 30 pound loss. My scale is a freak of nature so I cant depend on the specifics of it. 

Okay, well I am about 16 days out of surgery. IN thinking about the whole process all i can say is I HATE HOSPITALS. I was in for just over a day. I kept asking the DR "What do i need to do to get out of here?" and he told me and I did it. 2 hours after surgery, right when they brought me back to my room I got up and walked up and down the hallways. Apparantly not alot of people do that because the DR and nurses were amazed. I guess im determined. In the hospital i had the hardest time drinking that propel. Not because its gross or anything but just because i was afraid to swallow too big of an amount or upset my stomach. Before hand I would get in drinking competitions and I could chug 1 pitcher of beer/water/whatever in 3 seconds. Now i had to retrain myself on how to drink fast in small sips. Because I am always thirsty and I dont have time to 'sip sip sip' as they tell you, I have mastered the sip/chug. Im happy about that. As far as the food, I havent had any problems whatsoever! No cravings, no temptations to stray from my diet nothing. Its weird how all of that changed after the surgery! Because I have stayed on my diet I have not had any other problems like vomiting, gas, diarrhea or anything like that either. Watching my mom and aunt go through it, god, it was like they both were sprinklers in their own homes! Between throwing up about everything and the explosive diarrhea - i was afraid to get this surgery. You can imagine how intimidating that would be. But i feel normal. I dont hurt and I have no complaints whatsoever. 
When i went into my DRs 1 week after surgery I had lost 21 pounds. I am now 2 weeks out and I havent checked my weight. I am still wearing the same clothes and they are not THAT much looser so I imagine I am hovering around a 30 pound loss right now. 
I found out that i need a root canal right away as I have infection and an abcess. But they either have to do it NOW or i will  have to wait till after next week. Thank god I have enough pain pills because I cant do it now, especially with the week i took off work for this surgery. 

ANyway - i am at work and i better get busy. 
all in all i am doing fantastic!

I am feeling guilty because I bought the wrong protein drinks and I haven't been following the 'powdered drink plan' to a T. I guess I'm going to buy the right stuff (with low carbs etc) and start NOW. Even tho its 4 days away, all I can do is all I can do. When my surgery was scheduled the nruse said 'i will call the hospital to see if we can schedule you for 12/4 and I will get back to you. That was right before the holiday. I called her this past monday to see if it was scheduled and she said indeed it was and then faxed my preop info to me. My preop was wednesday where I heard that the protien drinks had to be a certain protein amt with as little as possible carbs, I did not know that. I also found that the drinks were to replace breakfast and dinner and weren't just 2 drinks when you could. I am nervous. But think I will just ask and start my liquid phase asap. I don't know. I'm telling more people now. Everyone at work knows. I'm lucky cuz I live alone so I won't have to face any drama when eating here. I think I have all that relatively easy actually. I am overthinking the aftermath of everything tho. anywhoo....off to bed!