6 weeks out

Oct 18, 2011

 Wow, I thought I'd never get to this point!! Have been released to try and eat lots of different things now.  I am happy but it's a little scary, too.  Now, it's in my hands again.  I find myself thinking too much and fearing food.  What a mental weirdo I am!!  I definitely don't desire food in the same way as before.  I know it's not bad to enjoy food but I feel like if I allow myself to start enjoying it again that I will go off the deep end into food-a-palooza.  I'm sure I'll figure this all out.  I guess if I just pre-plan what I am going to eat every day and just eat what's on my list and call it good then I will be ok.  I am sure eventually all this will become automatic and won't consume my thought process as much as it does now.  Sometimes a fast forward button would be nice!!

On to the weight loss. Haven't lost much these last 2 weeks, only 4 pounds!  Was doing really crappy getting for getting in all my protein and wasn't getting in much calorie wise either.  I am feeling overall so much better now and over the last few days have been getting in a lot more of both so hopefully it will pick back up. I am trying not to stress too much about scale issues and don't want just the scale to rule my feelings.  So many positive things are happening as far as how clothes fit, rings fit, higher energy levels, walking uphill and still being able to carry on a conversation and breathe at the same time!!

Still need to exercise more. Not doing it consistantly enough so this week I will be working on improving that.  Got a little mad at my husband.  I don't mind him being encouraging about exercise but yesterday when he asked why I wasn't out there walking and suggested that I should be exercising every day(like I don't know that!!) and not skipping it, he proceeded to tell me that I will be a failure at this weight loss if I don't get it moving more.  Wow, had a little argument there!!  I appreciate the honesty and the push but NEVER call me a failure.  Then I was told I was too sensitive and I told him as a personal motivator he sucked.  Thought since he had the surgery in January he'd be my biggest supporter but he picked the wrong way to show it. So sorry that I'm not biking 16 miles every day yet like he is.  I told him our journeys are going to be different from each other. I feel the need to journal and go to support groups and he doesn't.  He prefers to work out with people from work when he gets out(he's 3rd shift) and not do it later with me.  We are starting to resent each other a little so we really have to work on getting on the same page.  I know they say this surgery can test relationships but I figured doing this together would make ours stronger.  What a wild ride this all is!!!

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