Sooo... Still 8 lbs away from goal. It rings true what everyone says that the weight comes off slower as you go along. It's a bit frustrating to see the scale staying the same, and honestly a bit depressing. It seems these days though it doesn't take a lot to make me sad. I think it's just one of the side effects of the surgery. In fact, on life after weight loss. I have been so consumed with losing weight, that now that part of my life is over (and believe me I'm praising God!), there is really not much else to stress about. It has been a part of my life for so long. Wanting and needing to lose weight that now I have to figure out what else there is to dedicate myself so wholly to. My husband has been my strength through this and for those of us who have spouses that are a rock, you know that it's a blessing. For those of you who don't have that foundation, then find it! It will make the journey so much easier for you.
I think back to the way I felt after this surgery, wanting a new me. I realized that I didn't want a new me, I wanted ME! Without the cushion that protected and also hindered me. I find now that when I walk in a room, I'm just another woman there. Not the big girl, not the extra gregarious to hide the pain or the fat, just a woman. It's weird and nice at the same time.
A couple of days ago, I went to my old job and one of the officers walked right past me. I said hi and he spoke back and looked at me strangely. Then a few minutes later he came back and said "Do I know you?" I said "Yeah, Gonzales, it's me Shenikwa". He was so taken aback. He said he recognized the voice, but had no clue it was me. WOW what a feeling. He really saw me, and then at that moment I saw me. I realized that I really have changed and 161 gone makes a huge difference.
It's surprising that living in my body, I am so clueless on what I actually look like. With clothes I'm HOT! Without, well that's a whole 'nother story that a bunch of plastic surgery will fix :-). Ohhhh be prepared for the skin. It is just insane how much there is, and where it is! My body is seriously a work in progress, and I think that is why I can't see what it really looks like. I still see the fat cause I see the skin. I mean it seriously sucks. But then when I my entire body into one leg in my size 28 jeans, I realize there is a lot of me missing. And the bad part.
My mom is considering this surgery. Well, she is considering the lap-band. I told her that I would support her in whatever I could with this. It is a challenge, but I am so glad I have done it. No matter what happens, I would rather live a few years in authentic life, then a lifetime behind a cover.
Well this is a bunch of random thoughts at 0144 in the morning. May God continue to shine His grace on all of you, and may your journey be exactly what you need it to be. Be well OH family.