Yesterday I asked a friend of mine named Gina if she would consider an interview because she has one of the best regain recovery stories out there.  Last night another friend came forward when I was telling her about Gina and wanted to offer her story too.  She is a WLS vet like Gina but did not want to be identified because she has never told people at work.  I will call her Carly.

Yvonne: Carly why did you want to tell your story?

Carly: I regained 50 pounds and I was ashamed. I didn't want to show my face until I got most of it back off.

Yvonne: I wish you hadn't felt ashamed, you lost so much but I know that doesn't matter when you start to beat yourself up.  Unfortunately I think that's why some of us disappear from our support system.  I wondered where you were because you didn't answer me until recently.  What happened?

Carly:  I started testing the waters after 3 years.  I was doing fine for 3 years and I got over confident.  I screwed up.

Yvonne: I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself.  Why don't we call it a life lesson instead?    I've heard that phrase before "testing the waters"...can you explain what that means to you?

Carly: It means that I decided to have a little this and little that and was sure that I could knock off that ten pound regain when I wanted to.  I was eating things I missed and I "thought" I was deprived and I "thought I was rewarding myself.  Instead I deprived myself from what I wanted and that was to keep the weight off.  The stupid part is that I had to give up that crappy stuff to lose the regain so I should have never started it in the first place.  I didn't miss it for 3 years and it started with a little taste.  To be honest I sometimes had more than a little but I would think that I could start over tomorrow so I might as well eat it anyway since I had already blown it for the day.

Yvonne: I so get that.  I did that for years and years. A lot of people thought I was on a binge but I was just making up for all the things I had skipped for several days.  Now I look back and wonder why I thought I had to eat junk and sugar in the first place.  By the way, you are not allowed to call yourself stupid OK?  :) How did you get back on track?

Carly:  I was really mad because I didn't want to go on another diet. Another damn diet.  After I got mad enough I decided that I would get it off.  I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I've got five pounds to go and I'm never going to mess it up again like that.  I'll fix it as I go along.   I wish I had listened before I regained but I thought I had it made after doing OK for so long.  I ate great for 3 years and then started to try things that got me in trouble.   I tested the waters and I nearly drowned.  I deprived myself from my weight loss, not that stupid food I didn't need.

Yvonne: What changes have you made and have you come up with any "absolutes" that you won't do again?

Carly:  I followed your suggestion about sugar and I don't eat over 8 grams.  I weigh every day and I don't freak out.  I know that if I do what I need to do I will get there and stay there.  I finally realized that a few minutes of junk food is not worth what it does to me.  It makes me want it more and I started feeling like it was the same as drugs!  I mean drugs could be fun too but at some point I have to stop so it's better to never start.

Yvonne: I understand that better than you know.  I have a story about eating Quarter Pounders when I was below goal.  It made me crave them and it wasn't until I didn't have one for a long time that I forgot the craving!   There are so many people that think I'm too tough on this sugar and junk food thing.  I have to be careful EVERY day and adding sugar and junk food would definitely make me gain weight.  If I am struggling to keep the weight off why would I eat sugar and junk?  If you are able to it and keep it off, more power to you!  I can't do it but I'm super happy for anyone that can. 

Carly: That's what I thought I was going to do.  Then one day it's 5 pounds, then 10, then 15 and every time I thought I'll start tomorrow.  It was sort of insane that I was eating that stuff when I was trying to lose weight.  I mean really, I'm not at goal and I'm eating crap.  The weight made everything in my life unmanageable.

Yvonne: I call that feeling you get "looking through the weight regain glasses"...when everything in your life gets messed up because of the regain.  I got an email from you once that sounded just like you were looking through the weight regain glasses.

Carly: Everything was messed up but the truth was that it was only the regain that bothering me.  I would have had those other problems anyway but I'd rather have them when I'm thinner.

Yvonne:   I've explained many times that life will always be life and you'll always have something not going exactly like you want but I would rather tackle those glitches as a thinner person.  Thank you Carly! You've been really helpful.  Will you answer questions if someone asks?

Carly: Of course.  Thank you for your support and thanks for not giving up on me.

Yvonne: Sweetie I'm so proud of you and all you've accomplished.  Don't give yourself a hard time for anything in the past...it's gone.

I wonder just how many feel lost and ashamed due to regain when they shouldn't.   So many pull away from their support system when they start to get overwhelmed and I have talked to many that just won't show up because they think we don't want them around anymore.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Shame and guilt are two things we can ill afford to feel and they suck the life out of you.  Please.... if you are one of the "lost", come back to your group, your WLS friends or a therapist.  I will be following up with Gina's story who proved it is never too late to turn it around.  Please feel free to leave a question if you have one.  You don't have to use your real name.

Big hugs, Y

You can see the post on my blog online HERE

This morning I read an incredible piece shared on facebook.  It's called "Morning Confessions of an Ugly Girl".  Many of my friends in the weight loss surgery community are relating no doubt.  Here is an excerpt.

I heard snatches of gossip. I was the "ugly girl" of the class.  No one bothered to learn that I loved to read.  No one ever found out about my warped sense of humor.  No one cared to read the stories I would stay up writing.  No one asked for my opinion.  I was just the ugly girl.  One-sided.  If someone's pretty, people want to find out more about them. They pay attention to the positives and ignore the negatives.  If someone's ugly, people dismiss them as being "a nice person to talk to." For a while.  The more they learn about the ugly person in question, the more they concentrate on the negatives.  Good looks are like a get-out-of-jail-free card for life.  You could be the meanest, most sadistic bitch out there, but if you're pretty, people use that to cancel out your faults.  Ugly people just fall deeper and deeper into this pit of loathing.  Not just the disgust of others, but the repulsion of ourselves.  They tell us that it's what's on the inside that matters.

I felt every word of this story and it was my truth for nearly thirty years.  So sure that being released from my prison of obesity would make it all better somehow....I wasn't expecting a perfect life but I expected better.  My life improved so much that I could hardly contain myself.  I was passionate about this new lease on life and it became my purpose to share and support others in their journeys.  How could this possibly be anything but wonderful?  How could I have known that members of that same community would be so unkind to those that are all just trying to see a way out of their formerly miserable lives?  We are all the same...we all have pain, we all have joy.  Although I cannot control those who wish to do harm I certainly look to the many that are just like me, the ones seeking a kindler, gentler journey. 

If I could tell the person who wrote that article one thing it would be that no matter who you are or what you look like there will always be someone telling you that you are ugly and no matter how beautiful someone is on the outside it eventually fades.  A well known actress said "Being born beautiful is like being born rich and getting poorer every day." When I looked at my 70 year old mother who was slipping away every day to cancer I didn't see the wrinkles or her age...I saw the most beautiful person I have ever known in my life.  She taught me so much...I would have loved for her to see how my life changed for the better.

I am clearly healthier now and I am free from my prison of obesity. 

Freedom that I am grateful for...no matter how ugly someone is I cannot let them affect my life on a day to day basis.  Misery loves company so don't invite misery to your party anymore.  There is something beautiful in every one of us and there's a simple way to find it. 

Stop looking for the ugly...ugly is easy to find if that's what you look for.  Ugly is....ugly.

It's just as easy to seek out the beautiful. 

 Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 

Ugly is in the mind of the beholder too. 

Choose carefully.


You can find this post HERE

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and I am grateful.

I am grateful that I spent another Thanksgiving with my father who put his big, strong arms around me and hugged me.   After he hugged me tight I told him that I spent many years dreaming of the day he could do that again... put his arms all the way around me.  When I was a little girl I thought my dad had the biggest hands in the world.  I wasn't so far off. One of my most valued possessions is a mold I have of my parent's hands.  Shortly after that was made my mom lost her battle with cancer.
  Even almost ten years after weight loss surgery I still remember most of the little things I wanted to be able to do...the really important things that I believe are important because we can get complacent.
We can start to take things for granted. We can forget some of the little things that we longed for. 
Take a moment and remember some of the things that come easier now and be grateful instead of concentrating on what you do not have.  Isn't that time better spent?
And yes this is another picture of Sundance... the dog formerly known as Kevin's.  The new beginning is my new site/blog and Sundance is in the logo.
  I hope you had a good holiday.
I had a great one ... my daddy could wrap his arms around me all the way. 
Many blessings to you and your family, Y

NEW BLOG HERE

 

More fun than you could imagine.  Here's more pictures and a link to an awesome video!  Here I am lining up the incredible participants of the fashion show.  Many beautiful women and handsome men! (Almost 40 people)




You've got to see this video.  Super coverage of this event.  (I'm actually in it too)



 


Dr. Alvarez and I (wow he makes all of us look good). Special thanks to his GORGEOUS wife Veronica for taking the picture.



Post-ops across the country - from the east, the middle and the west. Me, Cari De La Cruz and Traci Baker.


And believe it or not there were 5 people there that attended the Obesity Help Event in 2004!
me (Yvonne McCarthy), Susan Maria Leach, Gina Robinson, July LeBoeuf and Ramon Lopez. 

I'll be posting more pictures and videos!
Hugs, Y

I hope you've seen the video called "Surviving to Thriving".  If you haven't I've provided a link below.  It's a story about twins...
One had surgery and the other didn't.  Rosemary had weight loss surgery but her sister Connie could not get approved.  This is Rosemary below (she was in Houston).  Connie and her husband were there too!




Here's Connie and her husband Alfred.



Check out my blog post below to see the video.  It will make you cry, it will make you smile.  The grant that will pay for Connie's surgery is named after my friend Alice Neff that committed suicide after being denied over and over for weight loss surgery.  I hope you take a moment to watch it.

CLICK HERE

It's an incredible story....
hugs, Y