A couple of weeks ago I was driving to an appointment and I saw a really large man walking down the street.  Because of his size and the near 100 degree temperature, I knew he had to be extremely uncomfortable.  As I pulled into my parking place I glanced in my rear view mirror and watched this man trip with a force that propelled him like a rocket to the concrete.  I bolted from my car and ran to him...his arm was already bloody.

"Let me help you up".  He had salt and pepper hair and perhaps the kindest sky blue eyes I have ever seen.

With a perfect Texas drawl he said "You're gonna have to pack a little more lead in the rear to help me up!"  My heart was breaking for him.  I grabbed him by his good arm and we rocked....1, 2, 3, and I pulled with everything I had.  No matter how much I wanted to help this man, I couldn't get him off the ground.  He explained he was walking to work and I at first got the impression he was trying to get some exercise.  I asked him to stay put and I'd get some help and as I ran into the building, there were just a few tiny women and elderly people that could be of no help.  By the time I got back out, a man had stopped to help him up.  He was hurt....I told him there was a doctor inside, would he please come in? I know he was both surprised and ashamed that I would help him.  He chuckled and said he was alright (he wasn't).  As he walked out of my sight he said "It's time to go on that diet".

Of course I knew he'd been on hundreds of diets, just like I had.  It was the perfect time to have shared my story but yet it wasn't.  I wish I had at least gotten his contact information so that maybe my signature on my email would perhaps spark a conversation.

Maybe he didn't have a car and had to go into work anyway for fear of losing his job because of his size.  Maybe he couldn't afford to call for an ambulance.  So many maybes.  Every day since then I have considered waiting at that parking space to see if I could locate him again.  He felt so much embarrassment and I wanted to tell him that I knew there was a perfectly loving man inside trying to get out.  I wanted to tell him so many things but most of all that I didn't see him as just a morbidly obese man....that he was just as valid and worthy as anybody and the shell he lived in did not make him "less than".

I fell a few weeks before that and was in extreme pain so I could only imagine what he was dealing with.  Tears ran down my face for the rest of the day.  Call me silly for wanting to do this but I'm going back to try to find him.  I want him to know why I didn't judge him that day.

And why I cried.


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