Wow sorry you are having such a rough time...hope you will start to feel better soon. 2o lbs in a month sounds like success to me not failure. Please try to have a more positive outlook about your surgery so you don't set yourself up for failure. Hope things get better soon.

ahh sugar you have been through a lot. Once everything has settled down and everything starts to smooth out and you can focus on You. Everything will change. But keep in mind you have to have the right mind set.I understand the grief I lost my dad three years ago and it shook my world.

As for the loosing of the weight keep in mind you need to exercise as well.Also remember everyone don't loose weight at the same rate.

Remember your body has just went through a big shock with the surgery and all the stress you are going through.Give it time for everything to settle down and you'll start seeing a change.

I gained 6 lbs. while I was in the hospital,I was in total shock about this.It affects everyone's body differently.


Go od luck keep your head up.keep positive even though it's hard to do right now

Sirene, I am not an emotional person, but I feel very close to crying for your situation. I will add you to my prayers.

That said, I am going to ask you to speak positive words over yourself. YOU CAN DO THIS!!! I cannot promise your journey will be text book perfect, but I can promise that if you consistently do the things you are supposed to do at each phase of your journey, YOU WILL NOT FAIL! I too felt the way you are feeling at the very beginning. I have had to deal with my own life issue, insecurities and emotions a time or two in the last 8 months, lol.
Please be encouraged.

I am sorry you have had such a hard time. The surgery alone is alot to deal with but your family issues make it so much worse. I too am a month out of surgery and like you I wonder if I am the 'one' person that will remain overweight. I am losing very slowly but have taken the advice of a long time member and don't weigh myself everyday. Your post has helped me to know that what is happening to me is normal and I will eventually get to my goal. Life is what you make it don't let others steal your joy. If your family chooses not to keep in touch with you that is their loss.

Oh my goodness, Sirene, you have been through so much! I have to tell you I can totally relate to your fear that this won't work for you. I have had the same fear, and to some degree still do....I've eaten almost nothing before, and it's always come back, after I've lost 100's. I am 3.5 months out and down 89 lbs, (49 since surgery).

Here's the bottom line...you have lost...and you've lost during a time of tremendous stress. Hang in there, don't lose hope...you have a new tool now, and you are making progress!

im so sorry for your loss, i see everyone had posted some wonderful advice and true words of compassion. you can do this, and you will do this.. we are all in this together. and with all of our support through our ups and downs, we will all be ready for calenders lol.. you have all inspired me . ive lost 150 and gained 150. i stareted at 306, lost 22 before and had my surgery nov 8 bypass and lost 20 in one week. my surgey literally saved my life, i had a hyalatl hernia, that we knew was bad, but not as bad as we thought. when my surgeon saw it, my stomach was 1/3 in my diaphram. i was out of breath even putting my socks on, just bending over, i had to get up right away to catch my breathe.. i was in surgery 7 hrs. and i pain for the first 2 days in icu, but im home now and starving. lol i acually sometimes think that they never did the bypass, just fixed the hernia and said, naaa let her just think she had the bypass, only because of how hundgry i was the other day. but i sure can breathe and bring in air to my lungs and acually feel it go in, which i could feel before. i hope you get the flame to feel good about yourself soon, even if its litte things, forget about your wieght even if its for one day, and stop weighing yourself everyday. take a pic of yourself once a week, it will def tell your story in 6 months.. better than the scale. do that, im telling you, you will see a diffence, then if you till dont beleive even after looking at pics, look at them backwards... your a strong, brave woman and you wil get through this. all the best to you. :)

Sirene,
Ditto what everyone has said above. My surgery was 10/17/11. I have lost 20 lbs in five weeks.
Right around week 3 I stayed at a loss of 15 lbs for almmost the whole week. I was heart broken. I thought the same thing. All this work and I'm not losing weight. But then the scale started moving again.

I agree with all the folks above - we need to stay off the scale and focus on our reasons of why we did this - to get healthy.

In my support group they said your tastes will change through out your journey. Maybe coffee doesn't taste good today but it may in a month or two. Try to focus on what does taste good.

My husband had his surgery on 11/9/11 and lost 13 pounds in 8 days! I could have cried - but I know men lose faster and he has more to lose than me.

You have been through several incredible losses and I wish I could give you a hug and just sit and listen to you pour your heart out.

Try to surround yourself with the people in your life who do love and support you.

Hope this helped. My weight loss is also slow but it is moving and that is what I have to focus on.

Sirene hun be gentle with yourself. Your body is in shock from surgery still and holding on to everything for dear life. As you relax, so will your body. You've been through so freaking much, I wish I lived closer so I could help out a bit.
I also have had huge family issues that happened 2 weeks b4 my surgery. I have to admit that cutting negative people from my life has been such a relief!!! I'm doing this for ME, and maybe that's something you need to remind yourself. You are worth it!! BTW about 5 weeks after surgery, I had a 3 week stall going up 1 and down 1. I thought I was going to lose my mind lol. Obviously everyone is different, so now I don't compare my success with others results.
Please try weighing yourself once a week. Hubby and I do official weigh ins every Monday morning and that's the only weight that is recorded. Much less pressure that way.
Big huggggggggggggles please message me if you need a shoulder.
Verona

So sorry to hear you have had such a difficult month. I come from a dysfunctional family myself, so I can empathize. An earlier post is right; 20 lbs in a month is great. If you lose 20 lbs every month, you will be down 100lbs in 5 months! That is pretty awesome!

First, 20 lbs in a month is wonderful. Be proud. Second, don't worry about the numbers, how do your clothes fit? Third, surround yourself with the people who really love and care about you. Stay out of the drama.

Take care of you. Concentrate on the protein and vitamins you need. Stay away from breads/carbs for now. You can add those later about 6 months out. They are just useless fillers, swelling up in your pouch taking up the room you need for good foods. Protein is the key. Exercise is imperative. Water...need I say more? 20 lbs lost is 20 lbs gone...forever...don 't look back and don't look for an excuse to fail. Get rid of clothes that are too big for you now. Purging your closet is exhilerating. You decided to take the step to wls, you can do it and be successful.

I do understand how you feel about all the things you went through with your mother's passing. My heart goes out to you. When my step-dad died, my mother stopped paying on the mortgage because she "decided those thieves had got paid enough after all these years". I started getting calls from the mortgage company as her POA. Mom took all of the life insurance money and sent it to different TV evangelists...we can account for about $50,000 that she sent to them. She could have had the house paid off with about $15,000. But I had to close out my 401k, sending the money to the mortgage company to keep them from foreclosing long enough so I could sell the place, at a much reduced price. When I went to closing, I/Mom got a check for about $12,000. Thinking I was going to get my money back...insert chuckle here...Mom said she had to have it because she pledged it to a TV missions thing on the 700 Club. I took Mom and the money straight to the funeral home and did pre-paid funeral arrangements that cannot be changed without a court order and release by both of us. I may not get my money back, but Benny Hinn won't get it either.

wow that's not an easy month. I'm so sorry about your mother and your family issues I hope things settle down and you can have a relationship with your dad, if you want one. As for the surgery.. I hated my RNY at the beginning too, everything and I mean everything tasted disgusting, I could not drink anything, I could not stomach the shake or my vitamins.. that all lasted about 6-8 weeks and then I started feeling great, the weight started falling off and things tasted good again. EVERYTHING tastes just like it did pre op. I love my RNY my only complaints are that I can't drink water very much (which I love) and the constipation is a huge issue.. and even with those I wouldn't trade losing 125 lbs in 8 months for anything I feel amazing and you will too. Let your body adjust to the physical changes and the stress you have an I promise the weight will fall off.

So Sorry for your losses... your mother, the house, and the rest of your family. You have gone thru a LOT in the last few months, and not only does your body need to heal, but your soul does as well.

You are losing weight. Dont weigh yourself everyday, or you wont see the weight coming off (I should listen to my own advice!) and it will feel like you are not losing, when in fact you are.

You have many processes to go thru now - grief, surgery, etc... you will need someone to talk to - anyone. A friend, confidant, someone here, or even a counselor. You made a huge lifestyle change and had another one thrust on you only days after recovering... your body hasnt had a chance to recover yet. Give it time... it will all fall into place.

Good luck to you...
Simone

Let me start by saying I'm soooo sorry for your loss! Losing a parent is sooo difficult (i lost my dad 3 yrs ago) in itself but it sounds like all your family issues make it worse!!

As far as the surgery goes, you have to keep in mind that everyone is different! I lost 26 lbs my first month (I'll be 6 weeks out tomorrow). last week I only lost 1 lb and was frustrated to say the least! Even tho everyone kept telling me that the loss comes and stalls sometimes. This week I was thinking I wasnt going to lose anything...again, then I started working out a bit more and instead of eating at least 5 times a day, plus protein, I dropped to 3 times a day, plus a protein shake (first thing in the morning) and dropped almost 5 lbs in 3 days! If you read a lot of blogs, you'll see a LOT of people have weeks of NO weight loss, sometimes 3 or 4 weeks straight!! its common, I guess our bodies catch up or something....but be sure to stick to getting all your protein in and all your liquids in and try to walk 30 minutes at least 3-4 times a week (not only for weight loss but for peace of mind. Exercise does more than just help your body, it gives off endorphines and other "good" feeling hormones that you sound like you could use!! good luck, and keep your chin up! Everyone's journey is their OWN journey. This is a tool to HELP lose weight and you can choose how you use it!! YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT!!!

It will happen! Honestly! Just "act as if" you were losing tons of weight, keep doing what you are supposed to do, and It will happen, guaranteed. With all you've been through it's no wonder you aren't more positive. Let us be positive for you until you are ready. Hang in there. (((((Hug)))))
Mary

Sirene, you are a strong woman. You have shared your hard times and that takes courage. This is a new "tool" for you and there will be an adjustment time for you mentally and physically. A little fear is good, and your awareness of it is equally as important. Do not let it consume your thoughts though. Draw your awareness to other things that will help in your journey. "YOU"! It is very true, our bodies are all different and our weightlosses will all look different(how fast, how much, when){notice I did not say if}. You have had incrediable stressors with unfortunate timings. Sorry to hear of the loss of your mother and unfortunate issues with your family members. Do not give up, talk with your dietian/doctors. Stay in touch with your supports. With tweeking and fine tuning things results will happen. Make YOU, Your Main Focuss as you are vitally important in this process. All of the people that come here at ObesityHelp do care, we are all here due to weight issues and have alot of the same struggles. Try to stay positive in your journey taking one day at a time! Patience, Patience and did I say more PATIENCE. Nutrition, excersize, and life style changes along with your new tool, will equal weightloss(I know easier said than done). My first 2 months after surgery I delt with about a 50 lbs of weight gain, and complications, I had the doubts of "what the hell did I do". But through it all, there was still the part of me that just kept saying, stick with it Sherrie. I look at what I have done and have no regret. I wish the same to you.

MANY HUGS OUT TO YOU!

YOU CAN, WILL, AND ARE LOSING WEIGHT!
YOUR BODY WILL DROP THE WEIGHT AT A RATE IT CAN HANDLE!

I am so sorry to hear that with your family we are here to lend an ear you will come out of this don't worry. As for the weight give it time my buddy had this done he is almost a year out and lost alot of weight it took time.

Oh, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. And please accept my condolences oin the death of your mother. I am hoping you heal, emotionally and physically soon.

Hun... you've lost approximately 0.6 lbs a day!!! The surgery is working for you.. but the transformation takes time. I know we are all in a rush to get to our goal, but we wake up after surgery and have to wait just awhile longer. Over the next month... you're going to lose some more weight... Let's say you lose 15 lbs over the next month, a half a pound per day - that's huge! What's more, add that to the 20 lbs you've lost and that's 35 lbs of weight loss!!! You're going to start feeling better, looking better, feeling less swollen. And, you'll find new foods you like the taste of and/or you'll start to enjoy the taste of your old fav's again. Sad to say... starbucks coffee tasted AWFUL to me after surgery and it's been awhile since I've tried it but I wouldn't be surprised if it still did. The Chai Latte's grew back on me tho. You're doing great... It's an accumulative marathon and you've only just left the starting line. Your life is going to transform on so many levels. I'm so sorry to hear about your family - but maybe the timing was important. Sounds like some of your baggage is dropping away from you, letting go, so that your life can be recreated just for you. (The baggage comment was about your dad, etc... not your Mom. So sorry for her loss!)

I feel I should say "you poor thing". I don't think that's what you need right now. I would like to offer my condolences on the loss of your mother. It sounds like you are losing your father too. There seems to be one good loss in your life right now, 20 pounds!! Congratulations, that is not a trifling amount, especially when you take into account the stress you have been going through and not being able to exercise properly. Give yourself sometime to greive and heal. It's okay to feel overwhelmed it's not okay to give up. Hang in there and let us know how it's going in another month's time.

I'm so sorry you've had such a hard time since your surgery. It's no wonder you're feeling so down. I wish you peace as far as your family is concerned.

Regarding your surgery, please let me assure you that everything you've said here is quite normal. Most of us have felt those things to varying degrees at one point or another. Don't fret. Your weight loss WILL come. I promise. I, too, was sure that I would be the only person in the history of WLS that it didn't work for. I'm 11.5 months out and down 100+ pounds. I know you've heard this before, but I hope you'll internalize it or you're bound to expend a lot of energy comparing yourself to others...we all lose at our own pace. You will lose at the pace that your body decides is appropriate. And the food tasting funky will get better. Some foods may fall off your list permanently, but most are probably only temporarily. Please don't be discouraged. This is all very normal.

Again, I'm so very sorry for all the other stuff that's going on. Take good care of yourself.
Kim

My condolences to you on all of your losses. What a difficult time for you.

Please go easy on yourself. Of course you don't have the energy to follow a program or even know what week you are in. Of course everything feels like a loss to you. Actually it is. And, of course, you feel that this won't work for you - this is a shared fear, by the way!

One thought I have is for you to reconnect with your surgeon, the nutritionist and perhaps the psychologist who evaluated you before the surgery. Let them know what has happened and that you need some help getting focused. I am sure they would help you to get/stay on track.

I am 10 weeks out tomorrow and have lost about 30 pounds. I don't know how much you have to lose, but 20 sounds really great so far! I had a 10 pound weight gain right after surgery and apparently that is very common, but I hadn't known that. I was really upset at first and it confirmed my fear that I was going to be the one that didn't lose weight after the surgery.

Don't give up on yourself. You've been through an exceptional amount of stress in a very short period of time.

Just when we think we might have a "handle" on things somethings always comes along to jerk the rug right out from under us. I'm sorry for your loss of your mother and the house. I'm sorry you don't have a good relationship with your dad or better support from your family.
But I am most sorry for the rocky start on your new journey. Don't give up. This surgery is designed to work at the beginning almost despite what we do because of how we feel if we don't eat right. Some of the things you miss like your coffee, you just need to wait awhile to try them again. For now you need to just work the plan that your doctor and nutritionist gave you. In another 2 months I think your outlook on the surgery will be very different. I,too, thought at first RNY was not going to work for me. I didn't think I was losing enough in the first couple of months. But 10 months later, I am down 112 lbs from Aug.1, 2011 and 80 lbs since surgery Feb.1, 2011. So just going by the surgery date I have only lost about 8 pounds per month on average. If I had let those numbers be my only guide on this journey I would have gotten really discouraged. I was not able to wear many of my clothes even when the scale wasn't moving. My body was and still is changing. But guess what, when I look in a mirror I still see the person from before Aug. 1, 2010. It takes a long time for our minds to accept the realization of our new bodies. And your situation is compounded with a huge emotional loss in a very short time. Be kind to yourself. A year from now you will look back with a very different perspective.

Don't give up, I had my surgery on April 14th, 2010 and at first I was very discouraged because I didn't think I was losing fast enough but eventually your body will kick itself in gear and you will be amazed. By Christmas day 2010, I had already lost 125lbs. My current weight loss amount is 175lbs. You've had a lot going on lately, be patient. I still have big girl mentality at times since I went from a size 28 pants, 3-4X shirt and am now in a size 10 pants, small shirt. It will happen, don't be obsessed with the scales like I was in the beginning, I used to weigh myself everyday

The surgery is only a tool to help you lose the weight, you still have to work at it. It's not going to be easy at all. Byt YOU have to WANT it and only you can make it work. I know things have been rough but stand up and make your family pay attention to you, don't let them walk all over you.
Take control. I know how you feel, I've been there but I moved on. When was the last time you woke up with a smile on your face? You should try it sometime it really helps and you will feel better and have better days!

Godspeed be with you during this difficult time. Wishing things get better...hang in there!

Keep your head up :) it will all work out.

one thing that I learned early was to not check the scale every day. I had lost 10-15lbs instantly, but then its as if it didn't want to come off. I would suggest weighing once a week in the morning :) Trust me this will work, we didn't all go under the knife for nothing :)

xo B

Sirene,
Hang in there. Losing both my parents within a year, strained relationship with siblings and a divorce is what cause me to gain weight and eventually lead me to need gastric bypass. Maybe it's a blessing that your surgery was at the same time these events were taking place. I always say I have good luck now because I used up all my bad luck between 1999-2000. I am only 3 months post surgery and my weight loss has been slow as well. I came off my blood pressure meds (which were basically water pills) and switched anti-depressants and gained weight. How frustrating! But my body has adjusted now and I seem to be on the right track again. What I;m meaning to say is hang in there. You will come through on the other side and be stronger and you will survive. I was told about the "honeymoon" ; phase after surgery. That doesn't happen for everyone. I have never lost 5 pounds in a day let alone a week. I lose about 2 pounds per week. The way I've learned to look at it at least I'm losing. Stay strong and keep us posted! Please see a doctor for depression and make sure if they give you meds they don't put you on something that causes weight gain. I was on Zoloft for over 10 years and during that time gained over 50 pounds. I recently switched to Welbutrin which seems to be doing wonders for me. Hang in there and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Oooh girl.... I just wish you were close by because what you need most right now is a HUG!!!! You have just been through Hell and back. Surgery was life changing enough. The loss of your Mother, OMG awful. You need time to digest everything thst has changed in your life. #20 in a month is good! Ever been on a diet that consistently allowed you to lose #5 a week? I had my RNY 9/27/11 and I have lost about #40. I thiught it would drip off of my ass overnight, but it hasn't happened yet. I am losing slowly and consistently and so will you. Hang in there because good things are coming your way! As an aside, I lost my Dad 5 years ago. My Dad was like your Mom, and held the family together.He was a sweetheart and I will be forever heartbroken because of him passing young. (54 y/0) I have been dealing with my abusive bitchy Mother without him as a buffer and I know how bad it can be. Take heart.... you are not alone. Friend me if you'd like. :) (((HUGS))) coming out to you girl!

You don't need to beat yourself up about this, you won't always be fat and you can't think of this surgery that way because I'm 2 months out and I've lost 37 lbs and I wanted to lose 50 by the end of the year so that would be by December 31,2011 and I'm 14 lbs from my goal and it's only November so don't stress the weight loss, it will come, I am sorry to hear about your loss with your family. I am sure that cannot be easy as I've not been through that. I hope things get better for you and please try not to stress the weight loss, it will come and you will feel better as you are able to do more things then you were. I am still struggling with weight but I feel so much better 37 lbs lighter.

Amen i'm also down in the dumps and I know this too shall pass!

Dang. Sorry you are having such a hard time. I had my surgery October 5th and my Gramma died October 11th. We were in the hospital at the same time. I also continue to feel like I am the one person this surgery did not work for. I kept stressing about it. I am 8 weeks out and I am 55 pounds down. It feels good. Just give it a few more weeks. Drink water all day and excersise!!!!!

i am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I am also sorry for the strained relationships with your family. Financial stress on top of everything. Major surgery and lifestyle changes...umm can you say stress!! I know you didnt ask for advice..but i do have some suggestions i think would benefit you. I think it would really help to get into some therapy for what you are dealing with. I know with me, i used food as a cope. Since i cant do that anymore, i had to learn new ways to cope. Therapy helped me. there are also grief support groups as well, but they may not be knowledgeable about food issues. you may be suffering from some undiagnosed depression. Im not a professional so i wouldnt say, but i know how i would feel if my world felt like it was caving in. Secondly, try feeding yourself positive messages every day. Write some down on sticky notes and hang them on your bathroom mirror. some inspiring quote. something motivational. When those negative thoughts explode like...i will always be fat..etc. Repeat the positive messages over and over. it will feel fake and forced at first but its worth it. I am proud of you for not hiding how you feel and sharing it. Great way to deal with the pain! i dont weigh everyday. I weigh weekly. This helps with the fluctuation. take with your doc asap about whats going on. he may be able to help you out. get support and know that you are worth every effort you make to get healthy. and if you need an ear, add me. i will always listen. Jodi

Sweetheart..you have had a hard time, but its too early to say you'll always be fat. My weight went up and down the whole time. I only lost 4 lbs the 2nd month, because I didnt drink my protein shakes and wasnt staying hydrated...so I was starving for protein and water..and didnt even feel dehydrated except for suffering from constipation. Read through my blogs...you will see some huge simularities!!! And yet here I am at 10 1/2 months and 109lbs smaller!!! I am praying God gives you some peace and healing.

Hi Sirene, I am sorry you are having a rocky road right now. I can't say anything about the family drama but, I understand EXACTLY how you feel about the weight loss.. I had my RNY on the 28th of October and I have lost just over 25 pounds. I am also puzzled about how slowly its coming off. It is very frustrating. I have been pretty sick since my surgery so I think you may be right it must be stress that is slowing you and I down. The only suggestion I can make is maybe to step away from the scale. If you are following your program, doing the things that you know you should and avoiding the things you should be staying away from YOU WILL lose weight. You already have! Maybe you could give yourself a little break and breathe :) If you think about it you have lost more weight in the past 3 weeks then you did in the three weeks before the surgery :)and no matter what, if you keep loosing at this rate 25 pounds in a month, that means 50 by next month..well I guess you can do the math SOOO by January you are gonna be a much thinner and healthier version of you! I wish you all the best!

I'm sorry to hear of your mother's death and also of your strained family relations.

I think you are doing very well. I see that you are a 'lightweight' by BMI, so you will lose a little more slowly than those of us with a higher BMI (Mine was 53 before surgery). Please do not let the scale discourage you. I 'gained' five pounds over the weekend according to the scale, but I know I couldn't possibly have eaten enough to have gained five pounds. This is bloating from having my gallbladder out.
Track your measurements instead. That way you will be able to see progress when the scale says there is none (it lies). Last of all, be nice to yourself. Friend me if you would like. I am happy to be a shoulder for you. The death of a parent and wls is a lot to shoulder at one time. (((hugs))) Katie

You need a big, fat hug !!! ((HUG))

I am so sorry for you loss and the pain/stress you have been going through. My surgery was 10/10/11 and I am not where I thought I'd be at this point,but as my husband reminded me you've never lost this much in a month before. My doctor advised me to stay off the scale during this early stage because getting on it can discourage you and it does! I didn't even own a scale and bought one because I hadn't been back to the doctor at that point and was so curious..I knew I had been doing the best I could and like they say..Curiosity killed the cat! I was so upset because I had thought I should have lost so much more.. I was cussing,crying and complaining. I was like I'm not eating hardly anything and I only lost that?! I wasn't walking as much at that point,but my husband made me realize that what I was eating,my body was storing. I picked up my walking that week and lost 5 lbs in three days. I called my nutritionist because I was craving salad too and she said I could try it,but only to try iceberg..not all the romaine and other leafy lettuces. I did ok with it,maybe you will too. I am here if you need a friend♥

I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine. I had the surgery on Oct. 27th and I have lost 20lbs, it seems like with other people who have the surgery its gone like instantly and they lose like 50 lbs in a month or something. I to also weigh myself everyday and everyone tells me I really shouldn't do that because it's becoming a obsession. I know the weight will come off of both of us just as it should. On another note, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to cancer when I was 21 and now I am 33....she never got to seeme to this point but I know she sees me now, just as I know your mother is seeing you now, and we have the great hope to see them again.....until then, you have to take care of yourself you just had surgery and, your life is about to change dramatically in wonderful ways.... Take care of yourself.....and your very precious life...

Best

T anisha

I am truly sorry for your loss. I lost my father 2 years ago the 28th of this month. This time of year is hard for me. Especially Thanksgiving as it was his favorite holiday and he spent it in the hospital before he passed.
I am 1 month from my surgery today. I too have a RNY and I was weighing myself everyday. It was so depressing; down two, up 1. Like two steps forward one step back. I've only lost 16 lbs.
You're doing great. I don't think I could function under so much stress. You impress me.
I would have told your father to take a flying leap when he lowered the price of the house. He should have paid you the money back you put into the house. Just my own opinion which I state freely and foolishly.

I am sorry about the loss of your mom, and the family problems. I can understand, I lost my father in March. My sisters do not talk to me either. I had the lap band surgery on 11/10/11. At first, I lost 25 lbs, but I have gained two lbs since being on solid food again (not that much either). My surgeon encouraged me that this was normal, and I will get to my weight loss goal. You will too. I will say a prayer for you.

I'll take a line from AA - it works if you work it. All the emotional and physical stress you have been through has completely distracted you from what should be your primary focus right now - YOU! Everything that has happened to you has been tramatic and you have done what so many of us do. You put yourself on the back burner and took care of others at the expense of your own health and healing. I would say what so many others have said, that as things settle down in your life it will get better, but the fact is, you've been derailed. You could not practice all of the things you needed to learn to do that important first month, like daily exercise, portion control, regular scheduled eating. It is going to be difficult to get back on track, but not impossible. Review your surgeon's instructions, evaluate exactly where you should be with your eating, and start thinking about you instead of your family. They can manage just fine without you, and it appears that you will manage better right now if you distance yourself from them at least for a while. Good Luck, keep posting, and don't be afraid to rant and rave! It's good therapy!

I'm sorry for the recent times you have had to endure.
Too much at once.
I am with you. I am a month out and have lost-but for the past week (a little over) have lost nothing. I too hate coffee now-when before I could not go a day without it.
You have to hang in with us post ops-just like me...it's all we can do. I am told it gets better. I hope so-and something tells me it has to. There is no way a person can eat as few calories as I am-weighing as much as I do-and not lose weight! It's gonna be all right :D)

AS I READ YOUR MSG, MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU,,I DNON'T KNOW YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD BUT I KNOW GOD WILL NOT PUT MORE ON YOU THAN YOU CAN BEAR.CONTINUE TO WALK THIS JOURNEY IN FAITH AND THIS TO SHALL PASS,,GOD BLESS THE CHILD THAT HAS HER OWN,,,YOUR WL MAYBE DELAYED BUT ITZ NOT DENIED...TAKE CARE...CAROL

I went through a REALLY rough time after surgery, which now I realize was the depression they warn you can happen after surgery. I couldn't believe I had done this to myself, I felt so weak and sick, I thought I would never feel normal again. Luckily, after about 6 weeks the depression lifted, and things started to come together. Now I realize this was the greatest thing I have ever done for myself. Hopefully it works the same for you. I'll be thinking of you, and wishing you the very best.

Your going to weather this storm, you sound like a very strong woman, so maybe the worst is over and now you have to struggle to get back up on your feet. It is going to be hard to concentrate on your wls, but know that feeling better as the weight comes off is what you will have to look forward to. Hang in there.

Hi,
First I'd like to offer my condolences.
I had my RNY 11/2/11, my 3week post op was 11/22/11 I lost 24 pounds, I didn't look at it as that all, I was hoping for mew (as we all are) I was like OMG I am under 300 pounds for the 1st time in 20 years. It will come off. Just make sure you are exercising each day. 20 pounds is alot. I would be happy with that and to know more will come off soon. Life does happen and I am going thru family trauma as we speak with my mom and daughter, and I know how tough it is. It just gets my stomach in knots and I get so frustrated at times. It will work out, you wait and see.
Take care,
Deb

Everything you are experiencing with your up and down weight loss is normal. Just keep focused on the journey. It took me 19 months to reach my goal weight. You can do this :)

I, too, felt the surgery would not work for me... I REALLY REALLY did not believe it would. Still, I'm down 92 pounds. You are doing great. I just can't imagine going through what you've gone through right after surgery. It was hard enough for me a few years prior! I hope and pray you will get some time to devote to yourself now.

And, yes, that first salad will be wonderful!

Okay darlin well you have had so much stress in your life since the surgery and not eating right which in turn you aren't exercising correctly either. Just take a more through look at your intake of food. IF you stare at the scale it is like starring at water it will never boil!! So just walk and eat right and it will happen. REDUCE YOUR STRESS. Happy Thanksgiving. wishing u the best. AT LEAST YOU are lucky enough to get the surgery1!!!

Sirene honey. Wow...reading your blog made me want to cry and give you a big HUG! First of all, take a look at what you have been through this past month. You lost 20 lbs with everything you went through - that's a blessing. You will be settled down shortly and can begin to focus on you and your journey. My prayers are with you. This journey is one step at a time - one day at a time. Keep the faith - you are a strong person and will be victorious.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mom, I lost my Dad 2 days before my 21st birthday.. It was also a very stressful time as my step mother sold his house, cars and everything he owned and went to "shack up" with his brother... In her words " at least they didnt have to get married, they already have the same last name" Ugh!! She also blew his 175,000 life insurance on drugs! We never saw a penny! People can be so shitty! The reason why I tell you this is because now she is about 100lbs heavier, lives with her mom, and her own son wont speak to her... Karma will get them! Everything happens for a reason, sometimes it is the hardest thing you will ever have to deal with but you have to stay strong and let the emotions filter through.. Losing a parent is so very hard to me it was crippling... Your Mom loved you and wouldn't want your family to be so divided so do your beast to be the way she would have wanted because at the end of the day "you" are all you can control and if you live your life being the best you can be then you are doing things right... On to your surgery.. I didnt have RNY, I had the sleeve but I have learned that I hate it when I am depressed, all I want to do is eat! I too did the gain lose gain lose game, but it will come off, slower is better you will have less sagging skin that way and your hair wont fall out as bad. I know times are tough right now but they WILL get better just have faith in your surgery and in the love your Mom had and still has for you and you will be fine... Much love to you...Tawni

All my biggest hugs for you!

Things will settle down, both in your life and in your weight loss. Please don't stress about it - that just makes it worse (or at least seem that way).

I'm a 'daily weigher' as well, but I do it only to keep on track. If it goes up, I know there's something I did, or didn't, do and I look back on my food journal and my days and see what it might have been. But sometimes, it's just your body staging a revolt - it doesn't want to give up the fat and it will stall on you, more than once, during the whole weight loss stage. Stick with it, keep track, keep your chin up, and keep your eyes on the prize.

{HUGS}

Isaac Asimov once said a person is entitled to a set amount of pity. If you engage in self-pity, it lessens the amount you can expect from others. You will get what you need. Have faith.

Have you asked your father to repay you for what you put in to have it sell? Show him receipts, and worst case, you're no worse off than you are now. People can be surprising sometimes.

Also, as a widow, losing a spouse makes you crazy for about a year. I know it was harder coping with the death of my husband than it was coping with my mother's death. Give your father some time to get back to sanity.

Finally, the odds are really against you being the one person who doesn't benefit from the surgery. Give us an update next spring. You'll be amazed.

Hi Sirene.
It's really common to not lose a lot right after surgery. I lost 4 lbs the first week, 3 the second, 2 the third, then nothing; I stalled at 3 weeks out. If you've lost 20 lbs in a month, you've lost more than twice what I lost in the same amount of time. Your body is resisting the change and holding onto everything. This is normal. I've really undermined myself by comparing to others. I see people who are the same distance out as I am (over 7 months) who have lost 50 lbs more than I have. But I've lost 85 lbs in just over 7 months. How can I think there is anything wrong with that? When negative thinking starts, I think of it as my "inner addict" trying to undermine me. Don't let her win! Have faith. This will work for you.
-Ontario OH (Hi Sirene), Karen W

i know how u feel , my dad died in july 2011 and my mom just died on november 6th 2011, my surgery is on dec 7th, 2011!! i wish u the best of luck stay positive and just know that this surgery will work! YOU and only YOU can get in the way of your success,stay strong! there is a light at the end of every tunnel:) be blessed

i am so sorry for all the challenges you have faced. I can tell you that I still feel the same way and I am 6 months post op and down just about 100 pounds! I didn't eat a lot (just the wrong things and no exercise) so I was 100% certain it would not work for me...boy was I wrong!

I have slowed down only losing about 6 lbs in this month but both my father and sister had the surgery and they said after a couple of months I will start losing again! I exercise as well now that I hve the energy and it helps not only with the weight loss but I feel better! I actually ran for the first time a week ago (played tag with my son).

Keep the faith and good thoughts being sent your way!

First, my deepest sympathy for your loss. Second, it's amazing how much pain our own family can cuase us. I am sorry your father and borther are treating you this way. I am learning, as perhaps you will too, that we need to not only lose weight from our bodies, butthe dead weight in our lvies that is holding us down. One improves our physical health, and the other will improve our mental health. It's just as painful, if not more so than surgery was - to cut these people who damage us out of our lives. Everyone has said true and heartfelt things to you, and I agree with them that you need to give yourself time, and that your fears are normal. Don't weigh yourself daily - ditch that scale! Measure yourself monthly instead. And most of all try to love YOU. You are important and are WORTH it! Have you spoken with Yvonne McCarthy at all? She is a wonderful and helpful person. She has a profile on OH and has some websites of her own. Hugs to you Sirene! Push through this storm! You can do it!