The last 30 pounds....

Sep 28, 2012

They say the last 30 lbs is the the hardest to lose, right? Or is it the last 10? 5?

I don't know.....but what I do know is this.....I AM SO FRUSTRATED!!!

I know I know...its a stall, its normal....back to basics....it'll come off, trust the process....I do know all this. But it is still frustrating!!

I haven't lost any weight in a while....no significant amount anyway. I am losing 2-3 pounds in a month now. Since my last check up at 9 months, I have lost about 10 lbs. I will be going for my 1 yr follow-up soon....so that gives you some idea.

I mean, that's not to say I am unhappy with my progress or that I am not proud of every single pound and drop of sweat that I have shed, because you can bet your bottom dollar I certainly am!! I am proud of myself!!

Wow. How many times have we said THAT "pre" surgery??? I bet not very many...

But I am proud of myself. It's just that....well 2 things actually.
1 is a disclaimer that I have PMS. It seems everything is harder to take, emotionally, during this time. I am easy to cry and easy to get frustrated with things that are usually a part of everyday life. Money is tight...yes well its tight for everyone these days, not just me. But during PMS time, I literally cannot sleep worrying about money and bills and what not....but you know I just checked my bank account and really??? It looks ok...

and 2....comparison. I TRY not to compare myself to other people because I know everyone's journey is their own and no 2 are alike....but sometimes that's the frustration button that just puts me over the edge.
For example: I ran 7kms on my lunch today. That's great isn't it??
Yep. It is.
So why have I been the same weight for over a month now??? 7kms a day, eating about 1000 calories and still not losing?? HOW IS THAT FAIR???

Life is not fair. I know.

But you know...I worked out a lot and was fairly active before surgery. Obviously not like I am now....but sometimes I think I should have just sat on my ass prior to surgery because it seems like maybe I did myself a disservice. I see people who had surgery at or around the same time as me, who were substantially larger than me to start, and are now down to a size 6 or even a 4!!! WTF??? Size 30 to a size 4!!! AMAZING!!!
And don't think I am not happy for them because I am...I am very proud of their success. It's when I hear that they didn't exercise at all to lose that weight....that it was ONLY from surgery......OMG I just want to cry!

I am a slow loser. I knew that before. But sometimes, I just freak out a little bit and have a miniature panic attack thinking that perhaps I wont lose anymore. Perhaps I will start my regain here at this weight!  Then my heart races and I feel like I might vomit so I try not to go there....

I just have to learn to take a deep breath, focus on the positive, trust the process, enjoy my accomplishments to date....and center my chi or feng my shui or something....*deep breath*


OK. So positive affirmation number 1.
I am healthy

2
I am actively living my life

3
I have a supportive and loving family

4
I can wear skinny jeans (size 10 skinny jeans to be exact)

5
I have collarbones
...ok those last two were a bit selfish...but I'm not taking them out!

6
(Most days) I feel 'normal'

7
I have great friends in real life that I met on here from this website....

8
My journey is not over.

9
I am beautiful

10
I am worth it.

Now...to work on believing all of those....*deep breath*
Rinse. Repeat

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