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To run a 5K
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Sirene's Journey

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Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
I was always a bit heavy, even when I was a kid. I had a round face and kids would tease me and call me names. So even though, looking back and seeing that I was definitely overweight but nowhere near what I *thought* I looked like, I always felt ashamed and embarrassed of being me. As I got older, the weight kept piling on and I tried everything. Every diet and every program and every method. My self esteem was so low that I imagined people laughing at me all the time. I was going to the gym 5 days a week, cardio training as well as working with weights. Everytime I stepped into the gym, I had to talk myself into staying rather than putting my tail between my legs and running for the hills. I felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me....
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Sirene's Blog
Sirene's Blog


posted 11/22/12 5:16 am

It has definitely been difficult but I think I may finally be starting to get into a routine. I can tell because when someone asks me to do something out of my routine, I get annoyed ;p

My honey's truck is at the garage so I had to drive him to work today. That's ok but he asked me to pick him up at lunch to go to the bank. WHAT??? The bank is almost literally across the street!!! Now my whole plan for the day has to be re-adjusted to fit that in. I will be glad when his truck is fixed!

So I bought myself a treadmill as my "retirement" gift to myself. Probably more like a Christmas gift to myself but its all semantics. I will say that I much prefer running outdoors, but the weather up here in the Canadian Arctic (no I don't really live in the arctic but with temperatures below zero now, some mornings it sure feels like it!) I find it hard to breathe in the cold air at first but it just feels so much more natural than running on a treadmill. Also, its really kind of boring. I play music but I am staring at the white wall for an hour. Its not very motivating. BUT....I have worked it into my new routine so I have no excuses when the weather is bad. I can still run outside if I want to, but the treadmill is there as backup so I have no excuses!!!

So I gave myself an hour in the morning for my run. Then I figure I can get a couple of chores in before the teenagers come home for lunch at 11:15. After the horde of Tasmanian devils has swept through, I can make my own lunch. Sometimes my honey comes home for lunch as well and we visit for a bit til he goes back to work. Then I have about an hour before its time to go pick up Kira from school. I know I don't really "have" to meet her at school, but I like to. The dog sits at the door looking at the closet where her leash is, whining as if to say, "I am pretty sure it's walk time, lady! Kira is waiting, let's go!"

From 2:30 on, I have time to get supper on, get another chore done and have some free time to myself. That's the plan at least. The afternoons haven't quite worked out yet but my mornings are doing ok. Baby steps, right??  Besides, it must be working on some level because I am down another couple of pounds. I now officially weigh less than I did in high school. Yay me!

All in all, I find I am becoming much happier as I settle into a routine. I find this socially interesting, how we are such creatures of habit and find comfort in sameness, routine and knowing what to expect. It seems we are all toddlers at heart!  When our lives become discombobulated and full of chaos, we become stressed, frantic and miserable. I know that some people thrive on chaos and disorder, feeling that it is key to creativity and thinking outside the box, but I know that for me, I can't think at all when my life is in upheaval, let alone in or out of any sort of box! I think it would be very interesting to look at the link between OCD and obesity or people who are organized and lead lives of routine and structure vs people who are disorganized and lead chaotic lives, whether willingly or no. I wonder if there would be a correlation?

Oooh! It's 8:30! Time for my run!! ;)





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