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Goals

To run a 5K
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go horseback riding
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go skiing
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Sirene's Journey

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Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
I was always a bit heavy, even when I was a kid. I had a round face and kids would tease me and call me names. So even though, looking back and seeing that I was definitely overweight but nowhere near what I *thought* I looked like, I always felt ashamed and embarrassed of being me. As I got older, the weight kept piling on and I tried everything. Every diet and every program and every method. My self esteem was so low that I imagined people laughing at me all the time. I was going to the gym 5 days a week, cardio training as well as working with weights. Everytime I stepped into the gym, I had to talk myself into staying rather than putting my tail between my legs and running for the hills. I felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me....
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Sirene's Blog
Sirene's Blog

My poor Honey
posted 12/27/12 11:36 am

I really got a glimpse of before and after obesity over the past few days. I know we "remember" what it was like but maybe sometimes we don't really remember. Being over a year out, I think its a bit like childbirth. You remember that it hurt, but its really hard to remember the exact feeling of the pain.

My honey is obese. No question about it. I will never push him to lose weight and never nag him about it because I know that there is nobody on the planet, especially not me, who can force him to lose the weight. It is something he has to choose to do on his own. We all know what THAT is like.

I bought him an Xbox 360 with Kinect for Christmas. I got him a Star Wars game and it comes with an river adventure game where you have to jump and dive and dance around in order to maneuver a raft through a series of obstacles on a raging river. It is ridiculously fun and quite a workout if I do say so myself! I was a bit winded!

My honey, on the other hand, was sweating buckets and had to take a break a few times!

I mean, the instructions do say....take a break if  you feel tired, etc.....but he was really sweating up a storm.

It really broke my heart to see how hard it was for him! He was loving it and having a great time, but he just couldn't keep up. And today, he said he is sore everywhere.

Admittedly, I can feel my calves today from all the jumping, but its really nothing more than an occasional , "Oh I have a muscle there" type of twinge.

I don't want to tell him that I don't want to play anymore, 1- because its not true and 2-because it really is a lot of fun and 3-he will be sad if I don't play with him. But I also don't want him to have a heart attack!

He is a big man who really doesn't know his own strength, but he also doesn't know his own weakness either. He was a hockey player when he was younger, so I think part of him still sees himself as an athlete. Unfortunately, he hasn't played hockey in 20 years other than at the rink with me and the kids. I know he is right there on the edge of that place where you just hate being fat so much...and its so frustrating to do anything, even just tie your shoes!! Its a workout for him to get dressed in the morning sometimes. I hear him panting and wheezing and my heart just breaks. In the summer, he tried running....I think mostly to try to have something in common with me and maybe a bit afraid that I might leave him.....insecure with my weight loss and all. But once he started back to work, he just couldn't get that momentum back and has given up on it. I can feel that part of him is disappointed in himself with having given up and I remember that pain; that feeling of failure and being betrayed by your own body. And again, my heart bleeds for him.

I am caught between trying to encourage him to continue his efforts whether its running or just playing the video game ( he *did* ask for the Biggest Loser game)  hoping he may lose some weight, while still trying to keep him safe and not hurt himself, but still maintain some level of his ego intact. Is that even possible????

Ugh! Men!!! Why do they have to be so complicated??

 

 




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