So my honey and I were out the other day and he took me for breakfast. I ate a whole poached egg and a slice of ham and even a few bites of potatoes. On the one hand, I was impressed with the fact that I ate a whole egg but on the other hand, I was a bit worried because I could eat a whole egg.

My honey said to me "It's good to see you eating like a normal person"

That's when it hit me.

I *DO* eat like a normal person now.

Scary.

For the past year, I haven't worried very much about portion size because the RNY surgery pretty much took care of that. I also haven't worried too much about calories because I have always tried hard to eat well, but more so because my portions were so small, I didnt really worry about calories much.  I mean really, 3oz of protein and 1/2c of veggies for supper isn't really much cause for concern.

So now, I really have to watch what I am eating a little more closely. I think I will go back to basics and start weighing and measuring all my foods again. This really is, after all, my diet for life.

I also need to re-focus on snacking. This whole being off work thing and trying to establish a routine over the past few months has been a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. And especially when you throw a major holiday in there like Christmas.....well lets just say that 3 meals and 2 snacks a day has become more of a constant grazing over 12 hours. Again, mostly healthy things and always things I should be eating; babybell cheese and a mandarin orange, a handful of almonds and a pear, carrot sticks with hummus....etc. But I bet if you add those up over the day, it probably adds up to more calories than I'd like to see.

I think I am ok on the exercise front. Running,  plus Goodlife classes3 times a week,  plus my new weight bench that my Honey got me for Christmas, I think I am all set. I did a really great workout this morning actually with the XBOX Kinect! I never thought those video games could actually be a real workout but man!!!....Bob Harper made me sweat alright!! LOL!!

I hadn't really intended to make New Year's Resolutions, but I guess mine will be: Back to Basics! Tracking my food being my  (new) number one priority.

Also, stay away from the TV during the day!!  When I take a break from housework or while I am having my post-workout protein smoothie and sit down in front of the TV for a few moments......ya right. A few moments turns into an hour or so!! You get totally sucked into the garbage that's on during the day! Its like a train wreck!! You just cant stop!!

So here's a late HURRAH! to 2013! It will be my first year of living normally!!

Uhh me?? Normal?? I never thought I would say THAT!! :)

 

 

So I finally lost last week!!! Yay me!!!

I lost 2lbs.

I had reduced my (starchy) carb intake to a bare minimum and it nearly killed me. I had a really hard time trying to substitute my calories for other things besides carbs at the beginning of the week especially-so I was starving!! It didnt get much better by the end of the week though.... I got weighed on Thursday, and by Friday, I was a basket case....I ate a bagel in the morning and ended up eating a muffin in the afternoon. *sob*

But, I have done better this week. I think I have balanced it out a bit better. Switched my morning cereal to cottage cheese with fruit and added some peanut butter to dip my carrots into in the pm to increase protein. Salads for lunch with chicken and for other snacks, a yogurt or a boiled egg. I dont know what else to do!

I see the Behaviourist and Nutritionist/Dietitian tomorrow morning, so I am happy about that. I have a million questions for the dietitian. She is going to hate me!

I was happy to have broken my stall but when the euphoria wore off I was a bit discouraged actually. The amount of work necessary to lose 2lbs was disproportionate to the results I think. I was 100% focused on my eating habits and was OCD obsessed with tracking. I don't know how this will work "in real life". Like, I can maintain that level of focus for a short while but if I had to live the rest of my life with that level of concentration and energy devoted solely to eating and journaling, I dont know that I wouldnt become a crazy person...or crazier person maybe as the case may be.

I can only hope that it gets easier with time and practice.
So yes, I will not look a gift horse in the mouth but its a bit discouraging nonetheless. I am still notivated though and had a couple of really great workouts at the gym this week so far already so I am happy and content in the knowledge that I really am doing everything I can possibly do PRE SURGERY in order to get my life on track and prepare myself to be successful afterwards.

Have a great week!!!

How often are we really truly honest with ourselves?
I weighed myself this morning at the gym….the same.

I would like to say to myself…ok you have 4 days to weigh in so lets get in the gym and make every second count!! But the reality is that I actually say to myself, “You suck”

We had a support group meeting yesterday and a psychologist gave a very basic presentation on emotional issues that could potentially be applied to Obesity. Positive self talk was one of the things she talked about.

So rather than saying to myself, “You suck” and feeling guilty, hopeless and once again, like a failure, I am going to try to turn that around and make a positive statement of it.

BUT….in order to do that, I need to be completely honest with myself.

(ahh…see now it all comes together. It wasn’t just a string of random sentences from my Alice in Wonderland brain that had no connection to one another whatsoever!!)

So…if I am to be honest with myself…I need to ask myself some questions:
Am I doing everything I need to do to lose weight?
Do I weight and measure out my food?
Do I track every bite in my food journal?
Do I put 100% effort into my workout?

Am I doing everything I need to do to lose weight?
Well no. I used to walk on my lunch hours, and now I sit in Tim Horton’s with my friends. “It’s cold outside” has been my excuse. I imagine I will be soon be able to use “Its too hot outside” too

Do I weigh and measure out my food?
No. I used to. And I used to lose weight. I have a scale and measuring cups and spoons. Why don’t I do this anymore??

Do I track every bite in my food journal?
No. Again, I used to. And I used to lose weight. My goal for this week was to track everything and I lasted about a day.

Do I put 100% effort into my workout?
No. Soo many reasons but none of them really worthy…..all excuses 

So if I know what I need to do to lose weight, and have done it in the past, why is it so hard to continue doing it?

I haven’t gained any weight…but I am not losing. I probably wont lose anymore either if I don’t go back to the beginning and start weighing, measuring, tracking and putting the effort in. One of the best sayings htat I learned from my WW meetings is this: If you ‘kinda’ do it, it kinda works. If you “really” do it, it really works.

I think I am just at that point where you start the whining and the “poor me”s….. Its not fair. Why do *I* have to work so hard and others don’t? What did I do to deserve this? Etc etc…all those thoughts running through my head.

I really wish the psychologist had come prepared to talk about these kinds of issues rather than laying the basic groundwork for a psych 101 class that probably most of us have already been to or at least touched on through our weight loss journeys. I guess I would rather hear from people who have lived through it and have concrete tips instead of the trite and kitchy phrases she possibly gleaned from the movie the Love Guru :)

*deep breath*
Ok… My rant is done.

Kudos to me today because:1- I did my workout today. I did a chest workout and then 20 minutes on the stationary bike. AND…2- I haven’t had a coffee yet today!!!!  

For the first time in at least 2 weeks, I feel like I have regained some sense of control over my life. I am not really sure (yet) what did it though.
Ever since the kids were off on March Break 2 weeks ago, my life seems to have been hectic and out of control and I just had an overwhelming feeling that I was being swept up by events and all my carefully laid plans were being washed away.

Today though, I feel great! I went to the gym, I did my workout and managed to keep my heart rate at over 150 for a full 30 minutes, I have an awesome lunch packed, and I don't feel like I need to take a nap.....I dont feel like I want to hide away somewhere and cry.....I dont feel like I want to just up and leave my entire life behind and escape. Things seem good today.

Maybe I am bi-polar? ;)

I did get my first B-12 shot last night though. My Honey seems to think this is the cause of it. The doc told me that I should feel "better" right away.
Well....when you are overweight and sore and bloated and icky feeling everyday, what exactly does "better" mean?
Do I feel like I could up and run a marathon?? Oh HELL no! But I do feel like I have energy to face the day and THAT...makes a big difference.

Even when faced with the fact that I didn't lose anything last night at my weigh-in....I still feel great :) I didn't gain though, so thats good too!!

Even when my father tried to get on my case about surgery and why would I want to do it when obviously Weight Watchers is working (I have lost 17 lbs in 10 weeks) I just have to keep at it....no surgery necessary.... I was able to just nod and say, "We'll see".....but as my kids know quite well..."we'll see" actually means "I am done talking about this now and I dont want to hear anymore about it because my decision is already made"

Have a great weekend to everyone!! Get out an enjoy the outdoors if you can!! I am taking my bicycle out this weekend!!

Feeling a little blah and out of control today. I think its because I had such a busy weekend…..again.

Saturday morning, woke up to a completely flooded and washed out road on one side. We had groceries and such to do so we figured we’d better get on it right away in case the other side flooded as well and we would be stuck for a few days. Our well is completely submerged in the river and we cant drink the water so we had to get water too.

Normally, groceries would only take an hour or so but because we had to drive the long way around, it took us about 3 times as long to do all we had to do. The weather was beautiful and I ended up spending it driving around Hell’s Half Acre.

When we got back home, we put the stuff away and decided to take a walk down to the flood site to check it out. We took the dog since there were no cars on the road!! We walked down and a few people had decided to drive over to check it out too. The water was laying in fields as far as we could see. It was like standing on an island in the middle of a giant lake….which was pretty much effectively what it was!! You could take a boat from the river, through what would normally be the field behind out house, and go right over to the next concession. The fields for about 30kms both ways were entirely underwater. And the road through, was making a waterfall right in the middle of the lake! It was quite lovely actually

We stayed there for a bit and chatted with the people coming by. A big truck tried to go through the water and we all stayed to watch….look at me all redneck and stuff! The truck made it but not without consequence. It chugged and sputtered on the other side and there was definitely water in his motor. Steam was coming out from his engine and from underneath so, I don’t think it did his truck any good, that’s for sure.

We walked home and decided to go check out the side roads, but we took our bikes out of the garage. They had pretty low tires, but we took them out anyways. We went down about 1km before we couldn’t go any further. The river swelled across the road and through the fields. Something jumped in the water beside me, which I think may have been a muskrat, so I bee-lined it back home! By this time I realized that I hadn’t eaten anything yet!! No wonder I was starving!! We BBQ for the first time and it was So yummy!!!! Steak, asparagus and baked potatoes. (I tried Greek yogurt instead of sour cream but found it too sweet. Yuck)

So other than that hour or so I spent outside, the rest of the weekend was spent indoors

Sunday morning, I got a panicked phone call from my Honey’s sister….who should have been on her way to Montreal to pick up the boys from the train station, but her car broke down. So I jumped out of bed, hair all crazy, dressed and headed off to Montreal. No shower, no breakfast, no coffee.

To Montreal, to Morrisburg to drop my nephew off, back home…..then had to get to Ottawa in time for hair and makeup for a fashion show….then to my brother’s for his daughter’s birthday…..then back to Ottawa for the Fashion Show itself.

And still….I hadn’t eaten yet. I ate for the first time at about 8:30pm last night :(

2 days so busy that I didn’t eat all day….which also means I didn’t drink anything all day. No, I had a coffee on the way to Montreal….but that’s it. No water…

*sigh* So much for my big plan to take some time on the weekend plan and prepare for the week ahead. Tonight, Kira has Brownies so while she is there, I think I will go find a quiet corner and do just that. I feel so out of it today, I think getting some things back into some sense of order is just the cure!! I can’t go another week like the last one. Its too bad of a habit to get into…too easy to start the “grab and go” at the drive through or grab a burger on the way…..I do NOT want to get back into that habit. I really have to nip this in the bud because as summer approaches it is only going to get worse.