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I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin!

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go out in public without being ashamed of how I look

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walking and my legs not rubbing together

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skyjem's Blog



Endocrinologist
on July 30, 2008 2:21 pm
Well I went to my appointment today and I have to say I'm disappointed. Not in Dr. Wilson he was great. He is very knowledgable in his field and I'm glad to have him as my endo.
Now the 1 step forward 2 steps back part.
He wants me to get a letter from my 'head' dr, saying when she feels I will be mentally ready for surgery. What? I am mentally ready for the surgery.
I know that losing weight and getting a noraml BMI will not solve all of my problems but staying fat is not helping either. I'm not crazy or suicidal and if it's up to my head dr. she won't give the go-ahead until I'm 'cured'. How do i know? B/c we've had this conversation the last two times that I've seen her. But who knows, maybe she'll say yes. Needless to say, I'm just annoyed with the whole process.
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Denied
on July 23, 2008 2:01 pm

Yep that's me. Denied, denied, denied. I was trying to not think about getting accepted until I got the actual letter in my hand. Not having a dr, up until last week really, really sucks. I had to go to a walk-in-clinic which did not do me any good at all.  so that was a waste of $100. The new dr that I have said she would support me with the wls, but that we would have to go through the process of dieticians, blah, blah. How many more years of this an I going to have to go through. I've been dieting since I was 9 years old, 9 people. I'll be 32 at the end of the month. Are you f***ing kidding me.
I've put so much of myself into this process. Obsessing day and night. Now I have to hand over another $100 to this new dr but of course when she thinks I'm ready to have the surgery. How much harder is it going to be when I tell her want the the DS and not the RNY. I don't know I'm so mad right now, I'm not making sense to myself so that's all for today.

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Hoping and praying
on July 7, 2008 12:03 pm
Well I sent my OOC forms off to OHIP this afternoon. I'm praying that I'll be okayed for surgery. Maybe even by the end of the week. From other people's posts acceptances at the OHIP office have been going through pretty quickly lately. Okay I'm not saying anymore. If it happens it will. Done.
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Almost there
on July 2, 2008 2:06 pm
Went to see Dr. Schram and the crew for a group/individual consult on July 1st. I know very unpatriotic, I did feel a little bad not being in my own country for the day. Anyway everything went well for the most part. Dr. Schram has okayed me for the surgery, I just need to get a dr. here in Windsor to sign the papers for me. Then I can get the surgery scheduled. Finding a dr who is on board is not as easy as one would think. I do have some appointments coming up but who knows. Dr. Schram did recommend a dr in windsor but she wasn't and still isn't taking new patients. I'm getting so annoyed and frustrated, it's not even funny. So close, yet so far away.
By the way I've apparently gone from being 5'8" to 5'7.25". What the hell. I'm not happy about that. I've always been very proud of my 5'8".
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It's coming along
on June 16, 2008 9:22 am

Sort of. Went to another PCP in my dr;s office and I got a referal to see Dr. Wilson. It'll be a couple days before I get a call back with an office date. The PCP also ordered some blood work to be done, which is good. At least that can be done ahead of time. I go for that on wed.  That's it for now. Although I'm still not sure about the 23rd.

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My Story





As of  this afternoon I now officially weigh 278lbs. That was after a dr's visit to discuss weight loss sugery options.  I thought I was at a steady 265-268.
I've dieting since I was nine years old, and I'm still fat. I know I'm not old but my joints feel like they belong to an 80 year old. Every year the pain getting worse. I know in large part because  of the excess weight. Mostly my hips and knees. This has been since I was  about 14 or 15. My back since I was about 22.
One thing I'll never forget is when I went to the dietician at 9yrs old and she kept going on about how much sugar and fat was in ketchup and that I should only eat a tsp, of it at a time. I guess that was the worse food she could find in my diet, mom was and is a health nut. This lady was easily 350lbs, and she was supposed to councel others to lose weight. That never made sense to me and sticks with me to this day.
Anyway my goal is to be healthy and live a long life. I want to be able to run again. To be able to walk up a set of stairs and not be winded and break out into a sweat. Of course I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to be skinny and look fabulous in a cute dress or a great pair of jeans.

 


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