Inside my brain and I'm a bad patient

Jun 27, 2011

I'm a week out today...

So, I mentioned I hired a counselor that specializes in weight loss. I'm sure she will  think I'm off my rocker - or maybe this is normal, but while I haven't really had any emotional breakdowns about food, my brain is totally screwed up.

Other than broth (which I am not overly found of), everything I can have right now is sweet. Sweet Isopure, Sweet jello, sweet Popsicles. It's not even sweet, it's overly sweet. It makes me gag. Imagine eating cake all day every day. Sounds great for the first day or two... yeah. I'm SO tired of sweet things. I'm seriously looking forward to being able to blend up soup or puree some cottage cheese. Something. Anything! Although I'm terrified of food right now, to be honest. I'm not even hungry.

I also think the Isopure might be making my tummy upset. TMI, but I've had some really bad gas and not-quite-diarrhea (there's nothing going in solid, so it's weird). Anyway, just gotta keep going until Friday when he'll hopefully clear me for something else.

I've also had some really screwed up dreams. I keep dreaming that I go through a drive thru and order like 12 meals and come home and eat it all. What's so weird is that I was never a binge eater (not saying I haven't binged, but it was very rare). We also were never big on fast food. I don't wake up scared or anything, just amused. Maybe that means that I'm scared I'll be the one person in the world that this thing doesn't work for? Or maybe I just really want a Big Mac? Or maybe I'm just nuts?

The other weird recurring dream is that I have this huge hole in my tummy that I can see my stomach through. It's not a gross hole, it's like a HUGE belly button with a clear bottom. I realize this sounds funny and it kind of is. Again, I don't wake up scared as this seems completely normal at the time I'm dreaming it. I won't even hazard a guess as to what the heck that means. I'm going with the "nuts" thing.

My stomach muscles are still SO sore. I really wasn't expecting this. Everything I read said people were up and going to work and moving around and had no pain. It hurts like heck to get out of bed. It's to the point now that I can get out of a chair without agony, it still hurts though. I'm not good at this patient thing... or patience for that matter. I have things I need to do. I have places I want to go. This whole recovery thing sucks. I want to go to the pool, I want to walk around without being slightly hunched over. I want to go back to the gym... wah! I'm also a whiner, I know. It's temporary, it will get better. blah blah blah

I quit taking the Lortab, it barely took the edge off of the muscle pain and I think it was lowering my blood pressure and making me feel funny. My blood pressure was 90-100 over 60-70, so not bad low, but that was without me taking my medication. I went off the Lortab, emailed the doctor and he said to not take it until he saw me again. My bp has now been 110/75 or so, which I feel much better with. I'm still monitoring it several times per day. If it gets high, I'll start back on the medication. I'm sure this is some fluke and  the little 25 pounds I lost since all this started hasn't lowered it that much. LOL.

Um, that's it for now... just keeping on keeping on...

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