I have lost more than my husband weighs! I've lost almost 180 freaking pounds.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Even weirder to think... just 20 more to go until I reach my "okay, well, now what" goal of 175. It feels so weird. Some days I don't even really recognize myself in the mirror. Some days I feel skinny and good. Some days I still feel 375. Sigh. It's all a mind game, isn't it?

I'm trying not to think about about goal, but being just a hand full of months away if I keep up this pace, it's hard. I look at my body and the amount of fat still left on my arms (and majorly my stomach) and unless it changes drastically, I'll likely want to keep losing a little bit. I'm not putting that down in black and white yet though. We shall see.

Holy crap. I've lost nearly 180 pounds. WHO does that??? THIS GIRL!

I did it! I did it! 


Here's a copy and paste of the post I made on the VSG board - make sure you visit the family blog too for the more fun stuff :) Yayayayayayay!!!!

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Okay, I'm just going to mainly point you to my personal blog post for the details and all the fun part (read that first and for fun photos LOL), but I'll share stuff below that I didn't share there. This is long and rambling and overly honest (I know you guys would expect no less from me) LOL

But hell yeah! I did it! I usually stall this week so I was NOT expecting to hit onderland until next week at the earliest but I got on the scale, got off. Got on. Got off. Took a photo. Got on. Got off. *laughing*

For those of you just starting out, especially those that started out SMO (I was 375 and am 5'6") know that YOU CAN DO THIS. It takes times. You are going to stall. You are probably even going to gain a pound or two. It WILL come off.

My pattern (and many people I talk to here) of losing has been stair-stepping but in a weird fashion. I don't record any gains, but if you go to my profile (click on my username under my photo) and scroll all the way down, you will see my weekly and monthly numbers. What you don't see is that I do weigh every day (I want that accountability and I've learned to not worry if thd scale goes up or doesn't move from day to day, but you have to do what works for YOU). What you don't see is that I will lose 2-4 pounds, then go up 1-3 pounds, then go back down to where I started, lose 2-4 pounds, then go up 1-3 pounds, then go back down to where I started. Rinse, Reuse, Repeat.

I see so many people freaking out. Stop it. Trust in yourself and your plan. Do what you're supposed to be doing.

I also don't always follow the heavy plan you see promoted here. I do, for the most part, but I also say that I stay 90% on plan. I plan days where I go over my numbers. Heck, I can even plan a nice dinner out with dessert with my husband and still only go over on carbs. It CAN be done. Find what works FOR YOU and work it.

Does that mean that I've forced myself to lose slowly? I dunno. 175 pounds in 14 months doesn't sound too bad to me. Yes, I might have to tighten up as I get closer to goal, but I'm always ALWAYS aware of what I'm eating and doing. I have, a few times, done something mindlessly, but I work VERY hard at being very concious of what I'm doing.

Right now.... at 14 months out, I eat 800 calories a day, try to stay around 40 carbs and get at least 70-100 protein. I do take Miralax and/or ducolax daily for a supplement. I take ALL of my vitamins and drink like a fish. I drink coffee (with caffeine) a few times per week. That is what is working FOR ME. I go over my carbs at least a few days per week, but I try to not overdo because carbs do slow me down.

Last month, I lost 6 pounds. This month I lost 10 pounds. That's at month 14, people. That's also, sadly, without working out like I used to. I got really thrown for a loop when I had neck fusion surgery in April and I've admittedly lost momentum. My goal for month 15 is to get back on the workout wagon. I definitely have lost some muscle mass and now that I'm fully healed and cleared for everything, I'm ready to hit it again.

Things I cannot do anymore:

1. Drink soda. It freaking HURTS. I don't know how some of you guys are drinking anything carbonated. I have a friend that manages to drink beer, but it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest. I've never actually tried it on purpose, but a few times, I grabbed the wrong cup and OMG. I'm counting this as a good thing because I was a MAJOR diet coke addict before this.

2. Eat much of anything fried or greasy. I never was a fried food lover, but nowadays, if I eat anything that's cooked in anything less than minimal oils, I get sick feeling. I just don't do it.

3. Eat chicken wings or any dark meat chicken. It sits like a rock and leaves me feeling really ill.

4. Eat pork that hasn't been slow cooked. Pork is not my friend. I do miss a nice grilled chop, but well, it's a small price to pay.

5. Eat bread or pasta. I actually can eat small amounts, but more than a few bites (and I really do like both so I do allow myself small amounts on very rare occasions) and I'm in pain. My stomach, even at this far out, doesn't like anything that swells.

Things I can do... well, I can't even begin to list them. My life is so vastly different, but I will tell you that the best part of this journey has been my family. My husband has been amazing and has stepped up in ways that, well... he's just amazing. My son has lost 20 pounds and looks great. My daughter is an amazing cheerleader, but my son. He's really the cheerleader. One of the highlights was late last year when I picked him up at school. He ran up to me put his arms around me like he usually does, stopped. Looked at me. Hugged me again and then whispered very quietly in my ear with a huge smile "Mom, my hands touch when I hug you!". He now will give me the measure test now and then with a big hug and show me how far his arms overlap.

I actually had to excuse myself from a restaurant a couple of weeks ago. I used to not fit in restaurant booths very comfortably (if at all) and my daughter was sitting beside me against the wall and needed to go to the bathroom. She slid across my lap and went. I sat there for a minute before I realized what happened. I had to spend a few minutes in the bathroom getting myself together because I could NOT believe that just happened.

I'm also going to give a big nod to mental health, guys. I lied to myself for years about my weight. I was STILL lying to myself when I visited my surgeon for the first time. About a month before surgery I had to really look deep into myself and I knew that no one gets to be as big as I was because they are hungry. I have a lot of deep dark horrible reasons why I gained to 375, I can pretend that they don't matter all I want. I'm 37. I got married and left home when I was 18. I've been very very happily married for nearly 20 years. But those first 17 years STILL matter. What happens in your life, throughout your entire life, stays with you. I urge you guys... seriously and completely. If you have a lot of weight to lose, please seek a counselor. Even if you find with them that there's nothing really there, at least take a few sessions to make sure you've worked on yourself fully. I honestly believe that my therapist is probably the most important tool in my arsenal, even more than my surgeon.

The bottom line is that you are your own success. The surgery matters little, at the end of the day. It's a tool (yes, cliche). You have to use that tool properly for it to work. I plan on working it until the very end.

One more thing... I read a lot that people stop losing at 6 months out. Or 12 months out. Or whatever number. I don't believe that. I believe that if you do what you're supposed to do, you can keep losing. YOU control what you eat. YOU control your exercise. YOU can do this.

I woke up this morning to 205. The scale is moving again. Yay. But man, it seems like I'll never reach 199. I have such mixed feelings today. I've lost 170 pounds. That's just 6 more until I hit "onederland" and 11 more until I weigh less than my husband. I STILL get on the scale just to see the first number be a '2' so the idea that one day within the next couple of months, I could step on there and see a '1' is just.... weird. It's part elation, but some trepidation as well. I mean, that's significant. I think the last time I was that size was probably... MAYBE... middle school.

I'm totally terrified of regain. I find out at least once a week that someone I know had weight loss surgery before I met them and see them now and think I don't want to be that statistic. I really want to make this a life long journey and I want to keep the weight off. I'm doing all the things I'm supposed to... making true food and lifestyle changes... going to therapy... excercising (although not like I should, kind of a in funk there).

Today, though... today I am forgiving myself. I am not going to be perfect all the time. I'm not always going to eat 100% on plan. I'm going to take breaks with exercise. I'm going to give myself space from the insane pace I've kept up. I've lost ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY pounds. It's okay to be tired of dealing with it all. It's okay to be annoyed with the process. It's okay if the scale stops moving (and it does, it's a total stair step thing).

Today, I'm going to roll with it and just accept that I'm not perfect. I'm going to do everything I can to be successful and I'm going to keep working on myself.

And when I hit 199, I'm going to throw the biggest internal party you've ever seen. Expect it because it's coming. LOL