These past two weeks... pity party time!

Nov 03, 2013

So, I'm up to 157. Just seven pounds and I'm not really worried about getting those back off. I know what to do and how to get it back off, but I AM concerned that I allowed myself to fall back into old habits. I made myself get on the scale yesterday (I'd been weighing every day, but not REALLY paying attention to the number, sticking my head in the sand). It said 157.4 and I REALLY looked at that. Nope, I don't like that. What prompted me to REALLY look at that number? My jeans wouldn't quite button. Yeah. No, I'm not going there again. Not happening.

So, I sat down and thought about what was going on. I had back surgery a little over three months ago. My recovery has been up and down, but I've really overdone it the past few weeks and I'm paying for it with pain and stiffness. My hips hurt, my back hurts, my legs hurt. I've not been sleeping enough. I've been eating whatever the hell I want and wallowing in self pity.

That's not good.

So, yesterday I went to the store and stocked up on good standby food. Things I know will get me back to where I need to be. I know I cannot go back to what I was doing before. My body just will not accepted super low carb anymore. It makes me cranky and I feel sick, so I made sure we got things that had good carbs and low carbs. I know it won't fly off and that's okay.

I was rewarded by seeing 157 this morning. Just a little half pound, but it's coming back off and that's what matters. That little half pound also meant my jeans would button again. A little snug, but... it's amazing what a little half pound of bloat will do. I'm wearing those snug jeans today to remember... NO cookies. *laughing*

BUT

That doesn't matter. What does matter is the "why". I'm tired. I'm stressed. I hurt. I'm so tired of being on pain meds. Food may make me feel better in the moment, but downing two small bags of chips and chasing it with a cookie won't fix that. Heck, the extra weight will just make my back feel worse. I threw my little hissy fit and decided to do WAY more than I should be doing. I shouldn't be lifting things as heavy as I have, but more than that, it's the twisting motion of doing household stuff (like mopping and sweeping and wiping counters) that really takes the toll. I mean, this is day to day stuff and I SHOULD be able to do it. So... yeah. I need to realize and remember that I had major surgery. I can't just keep making it worse because it causes more setbacks.

So, yeah. I'm stubborn.

But I can't eat the pain and frustration away. It won't fix anything.

Two and a half years out and I'm still a work in progress. I always will be :)

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