soldiersxbabygirl

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And by that I mean regain.  I always thought it wouldn't happen to me.  That I was "immune" to it... and maybe for 6 years I was, but I couldn't sit back and eat like pure crap for over 2 years (or more) and not expect that it would catch up to me.  One day I was happily weighing in at around 140/145 and wearing a size 6 (sometimes a 4).  The next day, I am at 192 lbs and a 10 is so tight that I should probably buy a 12, but I refuse to.  It's a slap in the face of reality if I ever got one... and above all else, it's a wake up call to get it straight.

In the past month to 6 weeks, I've gotten strict, and I do mean strict (though, I will allow myself a treat here and there if it's within calories so I won't go out and binge out of anger toward the diet).  I'm now down 20 lbs to 171 and getting back into all of my 8's and a couple of 6's (perhaps they are stretched out?).  The problem is I don't have many 8's or 10's in my wardrobe because I'd gotten rid of them when I got down to a 4/6.  I wear the ones I kept and thankfully I kept some. 

I am determined to be at 145 by my 8 year mark of when I had my surgery on August 3rd.  I might never make it back into the 130's.  I'm not killing myself to get there.  I want to get to 145 and then I'll reevaluate.  I am 34 now and not in my 20's anymore.  I'm post-menopausal (yes, I actually am) and my body has changed.  I know that my 4's fit at 145 so if my clothes in my closet fit, then I'll be tickled pink.  Let's face it, I'm not in the greatest health, so I walk as I can, I watch what I eat, and I do what I can to get this weight off.  What I'm doing is working.  I'm not taking any shortcuts because there are none.  I'm almost 8 years post-op now and that weight does not come off as easily the 2nd time around. 

I am doing my best not to negative self-talk myself anymore over this regain.  I've done it enough for a lifetime, believe me.  I've wanted to blog about this for a long time, but I've been embarrassed to admit it.  I finally realize I just need to come forward with it.  I am not perfect and I made a lot of mistakes with my eating.  I developed bad habits with my pregnancies that I kept up anyways and I thought I could out eat my surgery and it wouldn't catch up with me.  I was very, very wrong.  Bad eating habits + a ton of health problems and medications = a surefire combo for weight gain.

I got called wide, heavy, and a few other things at a previous job of mine in the past year.  My self esteem isn't the highest.  I have hidden from cameras for a while now, admittedly, but I will say that I am barely overweight according to the BMI and I am determined not to let people's words get to me anymore.  I am above it and I will take off the last 23 lbs.  I am back to OH for support, even if I am lurking a little.  

Renae