ObesityHelp

It has been over 3 years now and I am still struggling with my weight. This surgery is not a magic bullet. It is just a beginning.
In the 3 years, I have received my associates degree in August 2007, I received my bachelor's in August 2008 and I am in the master's program at Tennessee State University.
I still believe the phoenix is a strong symbol in my life. I even got a tattoo of one on my back last month. I really believe I can rise above this weight thing and come out blazing.

it has been over a year since I posted my last blog and I guess I should do an update.
I am happier with my body now than I was back then. It seems like some things have tightened up some and it is not as horrible as I thought. I still have arm issues and wish I could have my thighs lifted and booty too, but for 41 years old, I think I look pretty good.
I am having food and eating fears though that worry me. Since I do not dump and I do not get sick when I eat the wrong things, I am scared that I will gain. I have not gotten on a scale since around September because I am afraid I have gained lots weight because I can eat more and I was told to eat more. We need food to live so it is not like I can quit eating. I was still on mostly protein shakes during the summer and was pretty small. People were worried about me and I saw the nutrionist who agreed I was not eating enough with my running schedule. I upped the calories to 1200 and gained 8 pounds. My clothing size hasn't changed but it has made me so worried. I plan to lose that eight and another 7, if possible. I didn't have WLS to gain weight. I have seen others who weigh 30 pounds less than me and noone thinks they are too small. I hope that this doesn't sound obsessive.
I know I need to get a good counselor, but I feel the OB TN group is my therapy and when I feel worried, I just lurk on line and see someone with the same feelings and I read the encouraging posts and it is like I am being encouraged too.
This is the hardest and most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me and I don't want to screw it up or fail like I have done in so many other settings. My son told me that he feels like I am just starting my life I finally got my AA in Aug. 2007 and I will have a BS in Aug. 2008. I am engaged. I have a great job that pays really well and I fast new car and a loving fiance' and I have lost over 100 pounds. He is right, but why do I feel like I am not going to be able to hang on to it all? How can things be that great for ME? Am I worthy? Did everything fall into place just because I lost weight? Was I not worthy as a "big girl", but now I am as a medium one. 
It is a scary world and I know God is in control because he is keeping me together and putting people around me that really care. the Lunch Bunch is a lifeline for me and I think that it keeps me form being alone with my fears and questions and also can help me celebrate my triumphs.
In 6 more months it will be 2 years since my journey began. I am excited to see what else will happen.

I have reached my 6 months anniversary and I am sad to say that I am not as happy as I thought I would be. I am happy at the weight loss, I have lost about 90 pounds so far. I have about 45 to my goal. I am so unhappy with my saggy body. I am more insecure now than before. I am worried about how a man will react if he sees me naked. I am going to see a counselor, I think, soon.
I just keep looking at my pictures and my lab work and my clothing size to keep positive.