StaceyS

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I had my three most post op appointment on Monday. I'm officially down 80lbs. My blood work all came back perfect except for my good cholesterol which was a little low.  My doctor said to drink some white grape juice each day and with the exercise, I should see a change when I redo the blood in 3 months.

 I know I've said this before, but I am so grateful for my sleeve. My next goal is to be 100 pounds down, by what would have been DH's 42nd birthday, January 18.  How I miss him!

I'm finding that physically, I feel much better than I did at 330lbs. While I don't see the difference in my body, I feel different. Like I'm lighter. I went to the cemetary on Thanksgiving Day and sat down on the ground and talked to my husband. I sat indian style like a normal person. Getting up was a different story altogether.

My life seems "eh." I have my moments. Some good, some bad and some just "eh." I broke down crying  in the car on the way home the other night and had to pull over. It comes on quick and stops just as quick. It's weird. Some days I can't believe he's gone. It's like he's in his Orlando office and will be back at any time.

I stay pretty busy with my friends and family and I'm really going to try and get back to my walking. I really want to walk/run the 5K American Heart Association walk for Bruce in March and at this rate, I can barely walk a mile.

Hope everyone is having a good, long weekend.

My mom is visiting from Indianapolis, which means I run her ragged. We did a lot of shopping and running around yesterday.

We went to Chili's with my aunt for lunch, after all, we had to regenerate ourselves for afternoon shopping. I always sit at a table at Chili's because their booths are really awkward to get in and out of. So tight. Anyway, I was thinking to ask for  table and we go to the booth. I slid right in. Right in. No squeezing or laying of the twins on the table. There was room to spare. It felt really good!

Then last night we went to our "downtown" area and sat outside, peoplewatched and had ice cream. There are benches and these wicker type chairs with metal sides that would just dig into me and make it so uncomfortable to sit, so I always avoided going. Well the benches were all taken. I sat in the chair with no problems whatsoever.

It was a nice day. I hope Bruce is watching and smiling at me, saying, "see, I told you so!"

I can't believe it''s been three months since my sleeve!  How terrified I was of all the preops and everything else.

I've gotten rid of 77 pounds...which includes the 2 week liquid diet.  Without the surgery, there is no doubt in my mind that I'd be pushing 400 pounds at this point in my life. The last month has been rough emotionally for me. I am so grateful for the surgery and for all the support I've received.

I will be taking some pictures this weekend and will put them in my profile.

To all the preops, let me  just say that this is one of the best things that you can do for yourself. Read, educate  yourself and ask as many questions as you need.

Tonight will be 4 weeks that my DH and best friend passed away.  Every day gets worse, not better.

I've been trying to stay busy. It's not hard during the week, but on the weekends, I'm drained. I ran some errands and did some cleaning yesterday, then met up with my MIL, SIL and her husband and my niece. We went to the new Ikea store. On the way down, my BIL asked me to stop at the library so he could drop off a book. I was driving and as we approached the library, I realized that we were right across the street from the restaurant where Bruce and I got engaged on January 12, 2002.  It was such a beautiful night, the night we got engaged. I had no idea. I thought we were celebrating some family birthdays. It was a total surprise when Bruce asked me to marry him.  He says that when he asked me, I said, "oh yeah, baby!" but I don't remember.  Anyway, John apologized when he realized, but really, there was no need. Bruce was such a big part of our lives and he left a huge hole. It's impossible for things not to remind me.

We headed to Ikea and after walking around a few minutes, my SIL and I both said the same thing, "Bruce would be such a whore in this store." He would have gone absolutely crazy in there. So of course, there were some tears.  We went to dinner afterwards and that's where I started to breakdown. Looking at all the couples in Ikea and in the restaurant. Date night and my DH is not with me. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Child molesters, drug addicts, murderers and the like all walking around and a good person dies. I can't wrap my head around it.  I tried to compose myself, but really lost it in the car on the way home.

I have some shopping to do and then after services my family is coming over here for dinner. I have no desire to cook. so it's deli and cold salads, but we'll all be together, minus one.

My DH, my best friend, my world, passed away on October 14, 2007. I don't know how I'm up and functioning. He was only 41. We did not have enough time together. It was too short.

He had a heart attack on October 4 and underwent two catherizations. After the second one, the doctor told us that he was very pleased with how his heart had strengthened since the heart attack.  He was discharged on October 14 and died in our bed an hour later.

Anyway, I'm trying to get food in. The thought of it makes me sick, so I'm drinking protein shakes and eating when I can.  I hear  DH's voice in my head telling me to eat and drink, but it's so hard. jhe was/is my biggest supporter! I truly believe that my surgery was a gift from my husband and firmly believe that had I not had the surgery before his passing, would be well on my way to 400lbs. I was watching a show on TLC the other day about several housebound severly morbidly obese people and started to cry when I realized that could have been me.

To those of you considering the surgery - do it.  Second to marrying my DH, it was the best thing I've ever done.