subacloud
Finding My Feet Again
Mar 17, 2011
My last blog was written while I was shell shock from some realizations. Today I'm feeling better. I have a tough road ahead of me in regards to this difficult relationship. But, this is part of my journey. I knew when I had my surgery that I'd be breaking my food addiction and I knew junk was going to come up. It has. BOY, has it!
This time is about me. I'm usually a selfless person, selfless to the point that I literally lost my self. I'm getting her back and boy have I missed me! I like myself so much now. I get offended when people mistreat me now, not because they're mean but because I don't let people hurt my friends. I am now my own best friend. My best friend deserves respect.
As for my difficult relationship person, well, the relationship is in a peaceful lull. That's a good thing. I think I have about two weeks before the feces hits the oscillator. But, we'll see. I have a strategy in place and I'm working toward unentangling myself from the toxicity. Until that happens, I realize that I don't have to play the games and I don't have to join the drama. That's an automatic improvement.
As for my weight loss, the stall has officially broken and that is reason to cheer! I'm having to be careful about emotional eating right now. Yesterday I forgot to eat breakfast, which is not good, but for me it was a signal that my head got away from the food for comfort mode, at least for a bit of time.
My life is changing. Good and awful are happening all at the same time. I'm enduring the awful and enjoying the good. Blessings to all of you in your journey!
6 comments
This time is about me. I'm usually a selfless person, selfless to the point that I literally lost my self. I'm getting her back and boy have I missed me! I like myself so much now. I get offended when people mistreat me now, not because they're mean but because I don't let people hurt my friends. I am now my own best friend. My best friend deserves respect.
As for my difficult relationship person, well, the relationship is in a peaceful lull. That's a good thing. I think I have about two weeks before the feces hits the oscillator. But, we'll see. I have a strategy in place and I'm working toward unentangling myself from the toxicity. Until that happens, I realize that I don't have to play the games and I don't have to join the drama. That's an automatic improvement.
As for my weight loss, the stall has officially broken and that is reason to cheer! I'm having to be careful about emotional eating right now. Yesterday I forgot to eat breakfast, which is not good, but for me it was a signal that my head got away from the food for comfort mode, at least for a bit of time.
My life is changing. Good and awful are happening all at the same time. I'm enduring the awful and enjoying the good. Blessings to all of you in your journey!
Unexpected Confirmation
Mar 08, 2011
I have a very close relationship with someone who I have loved for a very long time. This person is deeply involved in my life and has been for over 25 years. I've been slowly, gradually awakening to the fact that the relationship is toxic, not just unhealthy. On Monday, when I saw my therapist (as I talked about in my last post) she was very concerned. Her response was comforting in that it confirmed my suspicions. It was unsettling in that it went way beyond what I expected.
I own property with this individual and they are very involved in my life. Now, I understand I must unentangle myself with this person and due to the severity of their problems, it may not be completely safe for me as I do so. I'm looking at my options and developing a plan. I am not in immediate danger: it's just that this is a volatile person who is likely to respond badly to my much needed boundaries.
WLS has been such a life saving procedure. Physically, it's changing me, inside and out. Emotionally, it's helping me to look at the hard stuff. I've been through a lot, but there are a few "holy cows" in my life that I've been unwilling to deal with and this relationship is one of those.
On the other hand, this relationship has been so toxic for so long, the thought of being free from that is exciting, despite the concerns I have. I'm seeking God on this one because I will need Him to untangle this web. But, no matter what, it all leads to the same place. I am getting "me" back. My counselor shared a quote that I am still drinking in and I want you to hear it, too. It is:
"If you have to choose between integrity and a relationship, always choose integrity."
In other words, if anyone ever makes you give YOU up for themselves, choose you and not them. Today and forever, I choose me. Blessings to all who are on this journey with me. I treasure your (non-toxic) friendship. :-)
16 comments
I own property with this individual and they are very involved in my life. Now, I understand I must unentangle myself with this person and due to the severity of their problems, it may not be completely safe for me as I do so. I'm looking at my options and developing a plan. I am not in immediate danger: it's just that this is a volatile person who is likely to respond badly to my much needed boundaries.
WLS has been such a life saving procedure. Physically, it's changing me, inside and out. Emotionally, it's helping me to look at the hard stuff. I've been through a lot, but there are a few "holy cows" in my life that I've been unwilling to deal with and this relationship is one of those.
On the other hand, this relationship has been so toxic for so long, the thought of being free from that is exciting, despite the concerns I have. I'm seeking God on this one because I will need Him to untangle this web. But, no matter what, it all leads to the same place. I am getting "me" back. My counselor shared a quote that I am still drinking in and I want you to hear it, too. It is:
"If you have to choose between integrity and a relationship, always choose integrity."
In other words, if anyone ever makes you give YOU up for themselves, choose you and not them. Today and forever, I choose me. Blessings to all who are on this journey with me. I treasure your (non-toxic) friendship. :-)
Only One Pound
Mar 03, 2011
That's all I've lost in the last month.... Yep, I'd call that a stall.
It's weird, though, my clothes are much looser and I've lost a some inches overall, not a lot. But, whatever... This past month, I've been training for a new job and it was a very intense training. So, I'm just getting my head out of that matter.
It's hard to balance weight loss and the demands of life. I have to wonder if my eating was that bad, or if this is just part of the process. I'm trying not to over think it. However, over thinking seems to be my favorite past time. I wonder if the intensity of the material I've been learning kept my brain on high, because I've also had some epiphanies about some relationships. I am in a "I've had it with the crap. Take your drama elsewhere." mood.
I don't know if it's a good thing or not. I do believe it is a necessary thing. The good news is that I am going to see a counselor on Monday. She is awesome and I've avoided seeing her before now because it is quite a drive. I tried a guy that was closer to my home town, but that was not a good match! I'm looking forward to my appointment because this woman is very affirming, yet challenges me to go higher. I can wallow in self pity for free, after all. I hope she helps me bring some clarity to a murky situation.
Despite the not so good news, my life is pretty amazing. Great things are happening. At the same time, gut wrenching, soul quaking stuff is happening, too. It's ironic when it happens life that. But, on the other side of this stall, on the other side of this emotional upheaval will come clarity, peace, and a new way to live. Gotta love that.
I wish you peace and serenity on your journey. Blessings.
9 comments
It's weird, though, my clothes are much looser and I've lost a some inches overall, not a lot. But, whatever... This past month, I've been training for a new job and it was a very intense training. So, I'm just getting my head out of that matter.
It's hard to balance weight loss and the demands of life. I have to wonder if my eating was that bad, or if this is just part of the process. I'm trying not to over think it. However, over thinking seems to be my favorite past time. I wonder if the intensity of the material I've been learning kept my brain on high, because I've also had some epiphanies about some relationships. I am in a "I've had it with the crap. Take your drama elsewhere." mood.
I don't know if it's a good thing or not. I do believe it is a necessary thing. The good news is that I am going to see a counselor on Monday. She is awesome and I've avoided seeing her before now because it is quite a drive. I tried a guy that was closer to my home town, but that was not a good match! I'm looking forward to my appointment because this woman is very affirming, yet challenges me to go higher. I can wallow in self pity for free, after all. I hope she helps me bring some clarity to a murky situation.
Despite the not so good news, my life is pretty amazing. Great things are happening. At the same time, gut wrenching, soul quaking stuff is happening, too. It's ironic when it happens life that. But, on the other side of this stall, on the other side of this emotional upheaval will come clarity, peace, and a new way to live. Gotta love that.
I wish you peace and serenity on your journey. Blessings.
