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weigh less than 200 pounds by the end of the summer
1 Person
 in progress, 
0 People
 achieved this
Shop for clothes at a regular store
46 People
 in progress, 
32 People
 achieved this
weigh under 250lbs
25 People
 in progress, 
29 People
 achieved this
My goal is to be healthy
16 People
 in progress, 
1 Person
 achieved this
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subacloud's Blog
subacloud's Blog

Fat Head

posted 5/28/11 2:24 pm
I have a fat head.  I don't necessarily mean that my head is big.. it is.  I just have this fat way of thinking lately.  I weigh less right now that I have in about 25 years.  Until now, I have felt skinny because I was SMO.  Now, though, I have fat head.  I walk around feeling fat.  I'm not sure why this has caught up with me:  I suspect some self esteem issues.  I was looking in a couple of stores for clothes, which has been fun for me.  The clothes in my size look too small.  I was drawn to the plus sizes.  Yikes!

I've been doing a lot of emotional eating.  I have been pretty emotional. 

I knew when I filed for divorce that my life would radically change, people would leave it.  I didn't expect to have to divorce my church, which I am for all intents and purposes.  I was told that I needed to "rest from worship".  I am a musician and am passionate about worship, so resting sounds ridiculous to me.  I told my pastor that this was a punitive act, that it quietly, but publicly shames me.  I was told that they know best and I should trust them.  I don't.  So, a support system that I thought would be in place is not.  I have taken my flute home and I am worshiping without a congregation.  Call me stubborn if you want.  I just thought this was an ill-timed insenstive thing for my pastor to do. 

I love God.  I'm not too thrilled with his people.

I am in a stall.  This is no surprise given my eating.  I am grateful not to have gained overall.  I'm trying to keep a positive attitude, but I have been through a lot the past few weeks and I just don't feel like pretending it's been okay.

Still, I wish you all the best on your journey.. Blessings.

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