ObesityHelp

Weight: 216
12/16/11

It's been many months since I've posted here and I've missed it here.  The last 6+ months have been an insane crazy whirlwind of events.  I separated from my husband in July and he moved to his own place.  I had to deal with being a single mother, full time worker and full time student, and all of the changes that come with a great deal of weight loss.

I also started a new job in August, had a friend commit suicide, and lost my Aunt.  I just sold my home last monday. I began dating again after a decade of being with the same person and found it was a roller coaster ride of emotion for me.  I discovered that I have an extremely hard time with being alone and dealt with anxiety over that.

My husband still wants to be with me and has been trying very hard, but I just feel like there are some things that are still the same and will never change.  It can be fun to meet new people but the rejection that goes along with dating people can be very difficult on the ego.  Especially when I spent a long time with a husband who neglected me and controlled me and my self esteem suffered greatly.

When we finally separated I went a little bit crazy, because I felt like I had been let out of prison.  The prison of a bad relationship coupled with the prison of living in a huge body that couldn't do the things I really wanted to do!  I started making regular trips to L.A., bought a Mustang convertible, and dated more guys than I could keep up with.

I went and bought lots of clothes, went horseback riding and did lots of dancing.  I felt a little too wild at times, but I calmed down after a few months of getting it out of my system.  I consulted with a plastic surgeon and he said I'm ready for a lower body lift, boob job and nose job!  While I want to lose a bit more weight, he said that the skin on my abdomen is just skin and I'm ready!

I'm at 36% body fat so while I'm still heavy weight wise, I'm in a size 16 and I have a large frame and a lot of muscle.  I would only want to lose 20 pounds more anyway, not including the amount of skin the surgeon will take off.  I was thrilled because I was sure he'd tell me to go lose more and come back in 3 months.

We agree that I'll feel much better about my body after all this is over with.  With the sale of my home I'll have the money for the surgery and plan to schedule it some time in february.  I'm so nervous about the pain of all that, but at the same time I'm ready to feel "complete"  while my arms and thighs could probably use some work too, I think the other stuff will make a bigger difference to me.

I'm going to try and spend more time on OH now that things have settled down a bit for me and I'm on holiday break from school for the next month. 

Weight: 245
4/6/11

DISCLAIMER:  I'm in a funk so if you are looking for inspiration or motivation, you'll want to stop reading now.  I am writing this as a way to vent in the hopes of finding catharsis in getting my feelings out in a journal form.

It is unfortunate that I can't speak completely freely on my blog, as some of this might make more sense and would be even more cathartic, but I'll share what I can.  Some folks who know me IRL may read this and know what I am talking about.  First I'd like to talk about Ms. E.  I consider one of the most beautiful things in life spiritual connections; when you connect with someone and they truly get you.

I am a complex person and it is rare for me that I find someone who really "gets" me.  Sometimes I share things with people that are private.. I sit back and wait for that lightbulb to go on.. for them to sense all of the things I didn't say.. for them to understand what I didn't say, but rarely does it happen.

When I met Ms. E. I found myself sharing some of my deepest innermost feelings.  Not only did she understand, but she understood so deeply that she saw all the implications of the things I shared with her.  I could tell her one thing and she understood by extension all of the things that went with that.  She understood all of the things I didn't say and even things I hadn't even considered before.  For me it was one of the most spiritual experiences I've ever had.

For example one of the things I have learned about myself in the past few years is that the experiences of my childhood have indelibly written on the slate of my life.. they are ever present and define who I am.  When I was very young I was rejected by other children.

In my heart of hearts I love people.. I love to listen to them and talk to them and watch them.. I am a very social creature.  But people didn't love me because I was not a cute kid.. I was an ugly pudgy child.  I always had a love for myself and high self esteem, but it was hard to maintain at times because my external reality did not match my internal beliefs. 

It hurt tremendously to realize that people couldn't see my inner beauty because they were so focused on exteriors.  They couldn't see the beauty of my spirit and it hurt and it shaped who I am.  To this day I can't judge people for their looks because I know how it feels to be judged that way.. it is incredibly painful.

I also couldn't date people because of their looks.. I felt obligated to get to know just about any man that approached me because I learned early on that attraction was not always just something I could see.

I didn't want to reject a man the way some men might have rejected me for my looks, so I kept an open mind and an open heart. I'm so glad that I did learn this lesson, because I have dated some wonderful men in my life.  To be honest some of them I was not initially attracted to just by looking at them.

But I learned that attraction that is just felt with your eyes is the most shallow of attractions.. it can not match the attraction of spirits. It can not match the attraction that one feels when they close their eyes and FEEL someone's passion and their spirit.  I found that often times while I might not be attracted by sight, I would definitely be attracted in other ways and eventually that became more important to me.

There are so many more senses to use that it's a wonder why we are so reliant on our eyes... touch, taste, smell, sound, the mind.. for me that is where attraction lies.  There is nothing more attractive to me then someone with the desire and knowledge to please, and that has nothing to do with looks. But alas, it seems rare that people really truly live or feel that way, at least in my experience.

I also have many challenges going on in my life.  I often don't write on my blog because if I am honest I think that nobody could possibly be interested in my life.  It's mostly boring hard work and struggles, and I have fears that if I share what my life is really like, people won't like me because they'll think I'm just whiny and boring.

People like the fun, funny, positive people.. and well that's just not me at this point in my life.   As optimistic, passionate and hard working as I usually am, even I have times where the struggles of life seem overwhelming and draining and it seems impossible to keep my spirit up. I am the one always helping others, and have a hard time asking for help myself.

I am working hard towards my goals and it fills all of my time.. it's so hard to do every day and isolating.  I get up in the morning and go to the gym.  Then I go to work, and spend my lunch break running errands.  I go back to work and then I come home and spend time with my son and take care of him.

Then when he goes to bed I work on homework until I am ready to fall asleep.  If I'm lucky on the weekends I get a chance to go out with friends or do something fun, but not all the time.  I usually have to kill two birds with one stone when I go out with friends, like combine friend-time with exercise time or time spent with my son or something similar.

Every day is a struggle to motivate myself.. it is hard to go so long without pleasure or passion or excitement.. those are truly the things that to me make life worth living.  Those are the things that people want to hear about.. those moments where you are truly enjoying life and not just working all the time.. but those moments are rare and few and far between for me.

What Ms. E understood about all of this, is how incredibly hard it is to live such a monastic life.  She understood by extension that amidst all of my work, I've also eschewed much of the pleasures of food as well, in order to achieve long term goals.  Rather than see me as a bad person or obsessed, she sees the passion, discipline and determination that I truly feel are the driving forces behind my behaviors, not obsession. I feel that she truly sees ME and understands me on such a deep level.

So while I didn't write this blog for her, if Ms. E should happen to read this.. thank you... I'm sure you understand, as you have everything else about me, how much it has meant for me to be understood by you. I am incredibly thankful for you.

Here are some of my recipes that are helping me lose weight.  They are all high protein, low fat/calorie/carb and very filling.  I call these sleeve buster recipes because they really are so dense and are the very opposite of slider foods!

These are meant to be made in the quantity specified which will last at least a day for most sleevers.. many more than a day.  Which makes them perfect for tracking calories.  If you are having trouble getting in enough protein/calories for the day, these recipes are probably NOT for you.  

These are more designed for those who are trying to get high protein without a lot of calories or who find that they eat too frequently or for people who need help with having something less "damaging" to graze on.  For many a very small amount of these recipes will fill them  up!

I'm not a fancy or great cook, but I can give you a base of good nutrition that will help with weight loss and help you with the healthiest recipes. Then if you have some skills you can improve on my recipes.  I welcome suggestions on improving these recipes as they are more focused on being basic, simple and geared towards health and weight loss, rather than being super-tasty. So please email me if you think of anything healthy and tasty to do to modify these recipes.

Enjoy!

I wanted to share this recipe which is low carb, low calorie, with a lot of
protein, and just a great  simple dessert that's easy to make. It comes out very light yet creamy tasting:


Almond Flavored Protein Pudding

Ingredients

    * 1 scoopfuls Zero Carb Isopure Vanilla (or your choice of protein powder)
    * 1 envelope Gelatine, Unflavored
    * 1/4 cup Water
    * 1/4 cup Davinci Caramel Syrup Sugar Free
    * 1 1/2 cups Unsweetened Almond Milk

Directions

Mix gelatin with water. Mix together almond milk and caramel syrup and bring to a boil. Combine with the gelatin mixture and protein powder and blend in food processor. Pour into a pan or mold sprayed with nonstick cooking spray. Refrigerate until set. For variation, try different flavored syrups or adding chocolate powder.


Whole Recipe Yields:

Calories 185
Fat 5g
Sodium 405mg
Total Carbohydrate 3g
Dietary Fiber 1.5g
Sugars 0g
Protein 34.5g

Recipe Calculation:
http://www.livestrong.com/recipes/protein-pudding-sublimate/

Fiesta Turkey Meatballs Recipe

I don't particularly like some of the typical meatball recipes as there are a) too many ingredients for lazy people like me b) too many carbs for me, and c) not the best nutritional content. Here's my recipe for meatballs that are very low sodium, carbs, calories, and high on protein.  Very simple, healthy and yummy (to me).

Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cooking Time: 20 minutes
Serves: 25
Yield 1 meatballs

Ingredients

* 24 oz Fresh Ground Turkey Lean 93/7
* 2 eggs
* 1 cup Mixed Pepper Strips - red, green, yellow, diced (I use frozen)
* 1 cup Diced Onions (I use frozen)
* 2 tsp Organic Garlic Salt
* 2 tsp Onion Powder (organic)
* 1 tsp Ground Coriander Seed
* 1 tsp Paprika

Directions

Blend everything except peppers and onions in the food processor. Mix in diced peppers and onions. Form into balls 1.5 oz each. I use a scale to weigh each meatball and to make sure that I can calculate calories properly and that all meatballs are evenly sized for even cooking.

Bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes

Per meatball:

51 calories
0.37 grams carb
5.5 grams protein
2.4 grams fat

Chicken salad

(All solid measurements weighed on scale)

14 oz boneless skinless chicken breast grilled and diced
1 cup fage greek yogurt
7 oz fresh pico de gallo
1/4 cup lemon juice
6 oz diced celery
Sea salt to taste
garlic powder to taste
onion powder to taste
Optional paprika to taste

Mix all ingredients well and serve. You can exchange diced cucumber for celery for variety with little effect on the carb/calorie count.

I like the texture of the chicken salad to be a little bit less chunky most of the time so I used the food processor for this.  Pulse chicken in food processor until shredded. Pulse celery until diced. Mix together all ingredients.

Recipe Calculations:
http://www.livestrong.com/recipes/chicken-salad-sublimate/

 Calories     570.74
Fat    8.43
Carbs    29.83
Protein    99.66


Chicken Salad variation (less bulky and a bit sweeter)

12 oz boneless skinless chicken breast grilled and diced
1 cup fage greek yogurt
1 cup grapes sliced
1/4 cup slivered almonds
1-2 packets splenda or dash stevia to taste

Mix all ingredients well and serve

Calories    692
Fat    22.8
Carbs    30.8
Protein    95.58

Beef Jerky

I wanted to share my beef jerky recipe.  I recently started doing beef jerky again and it's a great snack because it's low carb/calorie and high protein, and easy to keep around.  But most commercial varieties are really high in sodium, sugar and have added chemicals so I make my own at home.  Thought I'd share my recipe.

2.5 pounds ground beef lean (93/7 used but 96/4 is better)
1.5 tsp sea salt
4 tsp ground ginger
4 tsp onion powder
3/4 tsp Now stevia
2 tsp granulated garlic
1 tsp cayenne pepper (optional for spicy jerky)

Mix ingredients in food processor so that the spices get mixed well, and the ground beef has a consistency sort of like playdough.  This seems to be the key to having it come out of the jerky gun in a nice consistency so this step is important.  Load up jerky gun and extrude jerky and dehydrate until desired consistency.

I measured out .5 pound of jerky dough for each tray so that I could measure out the calories correctly, then put one tray in a separate baggie so I have 5 baggies with .5 pound each of meat (after dehydrating it went from exactly 8oz to 3.5 oz in weight).

340 calories per bag but would be less if I had been able to find the 96/4 ground beef (my grocery store was out). 46 grams of protein per baggie.

Note: If you do NOT have a dehydrator, you can put your oven on its lowest setting, leaving the door slightly ajar, and lay these out on cookie sheets and get the same results!


Beef Jerky 2

2.5 pounds lean london broil
1.5 tsp sea salt
4 tsp ground ginger
4 tsp onion powder
3/4 tsp Now stevia
2 tsp granulated garlic
3 tsp onion powder
1 cup water

Freeze london broil for 1-2 hours so that it is firm and easier to slice thinly.  Slice thin with electric meat slicer or knife.  Mix meat and all other ingredients in plastic bag and massage inside plastic bag to mix well.  Marinate 6+ hours.  After marinating lay marinated strips on dehydrator racks and dry to desired consistency.

Note:  This version makes much harder, denser beef jerky. If you find that you can eat more than you like of the softer version above and or prefer a denser beef jerky, this is the recipe for you.

Low-Carb Doughnuts

They taste like doughnuts, and you fry them up like doughnuts, but they taste more like churros. Unfortunately, they don't keep well -- plan to eat them within a few hours of making them.  These are great for at TREAT and not an every day thing, but if you are really needing a sweet fix these are a good choice compared to the real thing!

Ingredients:

    * 1/2 cup whey protein powder (Vanilla works well. I used Designer Protein when I made these.)
    * 1/4 tsp cinnamon (rounded)
    * 2 tsp baking powder
    * 1/8 tsp salt
    * 2 Tbsp almond milk
    * 1 egg
    * 2 Tbsp water
    * 1/4 cup splenda
    * Coconut Oil (for frying)
 
    * For Topping:
    * 3 TBSP Splenda
    * 1/2 TBSP cinnamon

Preparation:
1. TOPPING: Mix sweetener with cinnamon, whiz in food processor to make "powdery", and set aside.

2. Whisk dry ingredients together. Whisk egg with other wet ingredients, add to dry ingredients, and whisk to combine well.

3. Fill a deep skillet, cast-iron pan, or dutch oven with about 1½ inches of oil and heat. I find that using a fry/candy thermometer that clips onto the side of the pan is helpful for determining when the oil is ready, but you can estimate by dropping small amounts of the batter in -- it should sizzle fairly vigorously.

4. When oil reaches around 350 to 360 F, drop tablespoon-sized amounts of batter into the oil. The batter will spread and puff up. If you let the oil go higher than about 375 F, the batter will fry quickly, leaving you with more of a funnel cake than a doughnut. (This, of course, is not a big tragedy.)

5. When the underside browns (about a minute, give or take 20 seconds for temperature variation), turn the doughnut. In another 30 to 45 seconds, it will be ready to remove. I like cooling them on a cake rack sitting in a sheet pan. If you place them on paper towels, be sure not to let them sit too long, as they will lose their crunchy outside.

6. Sprinkle sweetener and cinnamon mixture over both sides of the doughnuts.

Makes 12 doughnuts, each about 2½ inches in diameter.

Nutritional Information: Each serving has less than a gram effective carbohydrate and 2 grams protein. Each doughnut has 26 calories, prior to frying (total calories per doughnut is dependent on the amount of oil absorbed.)

Weight: 263
2/1/11

Today I am just 3 pounds shy of losing 100 pounds since my surgery date.  It would have been cool to have lost it by 6 months but close enough.  Here is a break down of my weight and pounds lost over the past 6 months:

Month 0 - 360 (surgery weight)
Month 1 - 338 (-22)
Month 2 - 317 (-21)
Month 3 - 305 (-12)
Month 4 - 294 (-11)
Month 5 - 283 (-11)
Month 6 - 266 (-17)

This past month my weight loss has picked up and I am thrilled.  I think there are two reasons for this.  One is that I got a bodybugg and have been tracking my calories burned and it has motivated me every day this past month to burn even more daily.

So when I upload my data and see if I have met my calorie goal for the day, if I haven't I am motivated to do something like cleaning or play my PS3 Move or go out shopping so I can meet my goal for the day.  I try to burn 3000 calories per day and sometimes by 8pm I can see I have burned 2800, so then I do something active so I can burn another 200 for example.

The other extremely helpful thing has been following Elina's suggestions about drinking tea between meals and preparing super low carb/calorie meals that fill me up without a lot of damage.  This has helped me lower my calorie count significantly, and I feel so much better about my chances now.

I thought I would be one of those people who could only eat a few bites and be done, and I saw other people eating full fat stuff and saying their calories were still low.  I didn't think the volume I was eating was any more than them.

It took me a while to get adjusted to tracking my calories after a hiatus and when I finally got  back on track I was rather upset to see that I had been eating so many calories when I wasn't paying attention.

It reminds me again that daily weighing and tracking both my calories burned and consumed will be an important part of my plan and will keep me out of denial.  I still have many things I struggle with and I'm still doing lots of work on my behaviors but at least I feel I have made some important progress.

Weight: 268
1/25/11

Today I am exactly 6 months out (26 weeks) from my VSG.  I've lost 92 pounds since surgery which is an average of a little more than 3.5 pounds a week.  Combined with my pre-op weight loss I've lost a total of 120 pounds (nice round number) and exactly 20 points from my BMI and I'm more than halfway to my goal!

I'm excited to see what the next 6 months bring..I need to get some new photos too!  I've gone from probably a size 36 or 5x (I only wore stretchy stuff so I'm not really sure) to a size 20.  I know a lot of people started at the same weight that I am now, but the perspective from here is that it is SOOO much better.

I'm much more active and have taken up rollerblading again which is exciting.  I go to the gym regularly and even run  a little bit now, when before I couldn't stand for more than 5 minutes at a time; what a difference!

I recently went out to a club and went dancing with a fellow OH member and had a great time.. something I hadn't done in years.  I am so grateful for this surgery and the opportunity it has given me to hope and have help, and in return I am helping my tool all that I can.

I was always a volume eater... for years I have followed low carb pretty faithfully, but it didn't matter much because I could sit down and literally eat 2 pounds of steak in a sitting.  I always felt like a bottomless pit.

Now post-op I still feel the urge to keep eating and eating, but then I physically can't.  I'm 6 months out today and I find I'm still adjusting to the new amounts I can eat.  To some degree my desire to overeat has morphed to the urge to eat frequently.. so as soon as my stomach is empty I want to eat more just so I can spend more time tasting my food.

Also even though I follow low carb, there are certain high calorie low carb foods I crave and tend to want to overeat on, and I can somewhat with the VSG because they are not dense foods.  These are high calorie nuts, full fat cheese and sugar free chocolate.

I allow myself to have these so that I can have some variety in my diet, but for me sometimes they amounts are harder to control because they are so yummy.  When a food is yummy to me it becomes exciting, like a party in my mouth, and then I want to keep having the party.

So to deal with that, I only keep the lesser exciting things in my house.  For example I keep sugar free hershey's chocolate in my house, and NOT the sugar free almond roccas or the russell stover coconut bars.  Because I like the hershey's the least, but I WILL eat it if I really need chocolate.

I can NOT keep cashews in the house, but I do keep pistachios and almonds in the house, and I WILL eat those if I'm really wanting nuts.  But I will try to stuff as much cashews in my sleeve as I can if I start eating those.

I also keep low fat string cheese and weight watchers swiss in the house, because I will eat those normally, but I can't keep full fat goat cheese mozzarella in the house (my favorite) so if I buy it I have to portion off what I will eat and throw the rest out.

I do not dance with the carbs at all, and I maintain abstinence from those and that really helps me.  I do say that I just don't do carby foods, and if I fall off the wagon I will just try to get right back on it again.