I'm Not In Any Photos Yet.
Before & After
* move mouse over
the picture to see “after
See these instructions
if you wish to submit your own Before & After photos.
Surgeon TestimonialNeil S. Marymor, M.D., F.A.C.S.Dr. Marymore was wonderful. He made me feel comfortable despite the complications that we faced. And he did a great job on both of my surgeries. |
*My Music* on April 4, 2010 9:11 am
Just an FYI to those that have asked about it...I just posted one of my other home videos under "My Story" and also re-added the one that somehow removed itself....lol.
*All three of the songs/videos Ive posted are original songs I wrote and composed* I also have a music myspace page if you would like to listen to two more of my songs. The site is http://www.myspace.com/sarahvee8402 These two songs were recorded in Nashville TN when I was 18.
| Leave a comment.
Will any of this make me a stronger person? on March 4, 2010 4:57 am
So its been a LONG time since Ive logged onto OH. Sadly enough...my life hasn't gotten easier in any way since my last post. Hence, the reason for my absence. But...this morning I woke up super early...and the first thing that crossed my mind was all of you. To those of you that wrote me and have been patiently waiting for a response, I am truly sorry. Ive wanted to be here and offer my time, advise, and encouragement. But Ive needed all those things myself. I do believe that over the last few months Ive reached what will be one of the lowest points in my life. Therefore, I didn't feel I could log on and be positive...or of any real help to anyone. But, I'm going to share what Ive been through lately. Weather or not anyone can take anything from it, I don't know.
*Following my last post...I'm still not divorced. My husband wound up coming back to me and begging forgiveness. And also asked for his place, back in my life. You never wed expecting or wanting divorce. But after everything Ive been through with him, I couldn't walk back into it. Not now. I knew that if God intended for us to be together, that Id know. And at that time, I wouldn't doubt or question our ability as a couple to get over the past and move forward. But I wasn't at that place. And I'm still not today. Ive met this wonderful man that shows me what love truly is. And though theres always room for that to change...right now I'm content with what we have. And hope its one of those things that NOT too good to be true. Time will tell.
*In regaining a friendship with my husband, he agreed to help me out a little financially. It is what has allowed me to keep my car, as the money he gives me is only enough to pay my car payment and insurance. I still struggle to find money to get the other things I need. Shampoo...food for my animals...vitamins and protein. We really do take those little things for granted. Ive never in my life gone without so much. Ive learned to appreciate the simplest of things. I'm ecstatic every time I can make my 45 minute trip to walmart to spend $20 on foaming hand soap, or a refill card to keep the texting on my pre-paid cell phone from expiring. Those are my "good days." I still receive food stamps...thank GOD. Without that, I really don't know what Id do. I guess its a blessing having had gastric bypass, as $200 a month would never have been sufficient enough to provide for someone with a normal appetite or food intake.
*Months ago I had a very unfortunate health crisis. I cannot dive into details. Its extremely personal. But I will note, it was one of the most traumatic experiences Ive ever been through. Next to my surgery. My health was comparable to domino's. One problem lead to another...and it kept going...and going...and going. Through this, my sugar problems spiked. I started having sugar attacks daily. What started at 1-2 a day quickly became 3...4...5...and so on. I have never been more ill. After a month of pure hell, I decided to do some research. I found out that I had developed a severe form of Hypoglycemia specific to post-Gastric Bypass patients. Its called Postprandial Hypoglycemia. Here is a link where you can read more on the condition. http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/31978.php
After reading this, and many other posts, blogs, and documentation...I realized I needed to make huge changes in my diet. To counteract the sugar attacks and stop them, I would eat sugar. Something I had not done since surgery..it was the only way to bring my sugar level back up. After the attack would stop, I would dump from the sugar intake..which at times was huge. I'm talking 20-30 grams of sugar. Which was what it took to stop these attacks. So I then would dump to the point that I wanted to die. It would last for hours. Id foam at the mouth...since I no longer can throw up...shit my brains out...you name it. Unfortunately, as the above article explains, dumping syndrome triggers the sugar attacks. So after all that, once again my sugar would drop...It would literally go on ALL DAY...over and over. Sugar attack...DUMP...sugar attack...DUMP again. So...I decided to stop eating. Not completely. But once I realized that food and dumping was what was causing all of this, I had to do something about it. So I went back on a liquid diet. I didn't have the money for protein..so I was drinking tea, water, crystal light, coffee, light yogurt smoothies and Adkins shakes. My hair started falling out in clumps. My skin dried out and developed rashes. I stopped sleeping...and became lethargic. All symptoms of protein deficiency. At that time I had gained almost 30 lbs because of all the sugar and food I was eating in a desperate attempt to keep my sugar at a normal level. Being back on a liquid diet caused me to loose all 30lbs in about two months. I was pleased about this...but I cant say it was the healthiest way to drop the weight.
*I'm at a place now where Ive started eating solid foods again. So I'm maintaining at 127lbs. Which I feel is a good weight for me. Ive been trying to get protein in...although there are times I go a week or two without as my finances wont allow me to stock up. And Ive only had five of these attacks in the last month or so. So I'm doing better. I can only pray it stays this way..as Id like to keep my pancreas.
*I'm still unemployed. It seems I'm not alone. Ive never done so many job searches that turned up absolutely nothing. I guess its the times...economy...whatever.
*My car finally broke down...as I expected it would. Its been parked for some time now. Thank god for my mother and grandfather. They allow me to use their cars when I need to run errands. But its still a royal pain not having my own vehicle. I hope God provides me with a way to fix it.
*To add to my stress...by boyfriend has been incarcerated. He made the mistake of standing up to a man that was harassing me and eventually tried to take advantage of me physically. This resulted in a fight that landed the jerk face in the hospital, and my boyfriend in jail with a simple assault charge and fines that will take years to pay off. Its been very challenging without him here....I am responsible for taking care of almost all of his bills...and anything else he needs. Thankfully he only has 1.5 months left. I cannot begin to describe how this whole thing has affected me emotionally.
*All these events have taken me to a place emotionally, physically, and mentally that I never thought Id be. So I decided it was time to see a shrink. Despite the fact that it cost $300 for the visit...I am now on medication to help me sleep and a strong anti-depressant to help me deal. I had forgotten what real sleep felt like. I cant tell you how nice it is to dream again...even if they are bad dreams...at least I'm not awake all hours of the night. My mood is stabilizing slowly. I initially felt very sick from the depression medication. But as each day goes by, I feel my body adjusting. Its making me feel a bit detached..somewhat numb. But I guess its better than my overwhelming desire to give up.
*With all this said, Ive not begun to even scratch the surface of the pure hell Ive lived over the last several months. I don't think anyone would want to know the even more traumatic personal battles I have fought. But in the end...I thank God I'm still alive. And miraculously...able to find strength to wake up each morning and start a new day. I hope that through my experiences, I'm able to help others. Maybe instill hope...or provide a dramatic soap-opera of a read.
Have a fantastic day all~
| Leave a comment.
And life keeps changing... on October 21, 2009 8:15 am
Thank you all sooo much for the amazing emails (I have yet to respond to them all...but Im working on it) comments, and just overall support. You guys are truly amazing. You lift my spirits more than you even know.
I have not been on here in several weeks. As mentioned in my last post, I am going through a nasty divorce right now. It started out as something I expected but at the same time, I was shocked it happened the way it did. I can’t go into too much detail. But Ill explain briefly. Early last month I had to road trip down to Langhorne Pa to visit my gastric Dr. as I had been in the hospital with undiagnosed health issues. I decided to stay with some friends and visit a bit...so I left a couple days early. That Friday night I get a call from my mother telling me my husband had done something terrible and that she and my grandfather were removing him from the home..and that he was never welcome back again. Bottom line...my husbands bad habits could have cost my grandfather his life. I was shocked. Hurt. Sick inside. I didn’t know how to feel. I knew I loved my husband. But I also knew there was no going back. That this was it. And no matter how hard we tried...we would never get our marriage back, the respect of my family, or the trust that a married couple must have to make it. After talking with him...we decided it needed to end. And that it did. I have not seen him in over a month.
In all of this, I have met a wonderful man. Well...I’ve known him for a while...and have had feelings for him as well. After my husband left (and long before he left) he was there...by my side. And he still is. Hes wonderful. It’s very soon for me to be jumping into a relationship. It scares me to death. But I can’t walk away from something that feels this right. Theres a friendship and connection I have with him that I’ve never had before. It’s hard to explain. But I thank God every day I have him in my life.
I have been working very hard to get help paying for my outrageous hospital bill. After a month of trying, I was finally approved for the EBT card...so my bill should be covered, I have temp. health coverage, food stamps (which have helped me immensely) and some cash assistance. However...Im now being told I have to go after my husband for spousal support...and if I don’t...my cash assistance (which is only $130 a month) will be taken away. I spoke with my X about it...and he plans to fight it and take me to court. He won’t give me anything. Im not willing to go to court over money. It will get nasty...and I can’t handle that right now. So after filing...then being told hes going to fight it, I will have to tell the assistance office I can’t go forward. I don’t have money for a lawyer! I can’t even afford my protein, vitamins, or anything else that doesn’t fall under "food" .... So who knows whats going to happen?
Through all of this I had to get rid of one of my ferrets..as I cannot afford everything it needs. Im still not sure what Im going to do about my other pets. I love them sooo much. Im going to try to keep them. In tough times...my pets are often the only things that bring a smile to my face.
Im still looking for a job. Still no luck there. My car is about to break down on me. The wheel bearings are shot in the front two tires...so I can’t really drive it. But with no money to fix it...theres not much I can do. My family helps by giving me a roof over my head. But at this point, thats all they can give.
(sigh) I guess Ill get through all this somehow... I only pray its sooner than later. Im really being tested right now. Thankfully, I have a Dr appointment monday...Im going to ask about anti-depressants and something to calm my nerves and help me sleep. I guess thats a start...
I have some new pictures Im going to post. One is with my new boyfriend (hes such a cutie)...and the others are just randomness.
| Leave a comment.
Starting my life over...again on September 18, 2009 10:23 am
Well...once again I have a not so fun update. It seems like a reoccurring thing these days.
It is official. My husband and I are separated...and taking the steps to start our divorce. My emotions are all over the place right now. I now have zero income (since all we had before was his unemployment to live on) a car payment Im not sure how I will pay, no job, (sigh).... I can keep going.
I was also in the hospital for 3 days....mmm...about two weeks ago or so. I had severe abdominal pain. They found several things...high white blood cell count, internal bleeding, kidney stones, they couldnt locate my appendix after 3 CAT scans...oddly enough...ruled out a bowel obstruction....but at the end of the day they still couldnt figure things out. So they decided it HAD to be my Endometriosis. THEN...I went to see my Gastric surgeon. He put me on meds for IBS...they seem to be helping. But now I have an $18,000.00 medical bill from my stay in the hospital. No health insurance...no job.... So Im trying to get assistance to pay for it. So far...Im not having the best luck. How Im able to function right now Im not sure. Keep me in your prayers
| Leave a comment.
My life...in recent days... on August 25, 2009 10:22 pm
So where do I start. Maybe where I last left off. But I cant remember where that was. Lol. So Ill just try to cover it alllll.
My mother recently graduated from college. This has lifted a layer of stress off our household as she now functions at a normal speed. Im so proud of her. At 52 she has done something I couldnt do at 17...and probly never will do. Yay for the mom!!! And my brother has just started his senior year at Penn State. Little smart ass. Hes going for his masters in Aquatic Biology...so hes not nearly finished yet. Oh how I wish I was born with brains. Lol.
So Ive been unemployed now since November of last year. Its not cool at all. Ive been looking...but living in the sticks doesnt do anything for a career unless you document the number of deer that populate the area. That would keep you pretty busy. My husband has also been unemployed. I think it was April when he was layed off. So money has been almost non-existant. It has made things really hard. Im sure many can relate.
My health hasnt been the best these days. After everything I went through back in March with the hernias, the surgery to repair them, and then the nightmare recovery that followed, I now believe I have again...another hernia. Its small still...just starting to bulge out. Pops out when it wants to...then goes back in. Which is how it starts. Before I know it...Ill have a permanent little bump. Oh joy. This really pisses me off to be honest. Considering I the fact that I was told Mesh would be used to repair the hernias...and then a month after surgery, a local Dr tells me no mesh was used...and that everything was just sown up...with stitches. I dont know how much of a difference it would have made. But either way...Im not pleased one bit.
Due to stress lately..Ive temporarily lost my ability to eat. My apatite has taken a vacation...and Im feeling the effects of it in a big way. I have Hypoglycemia...which is common in gastric bypass patients. My sugar is low....go figure. So I got myself a meter after having several very scary sugar attacks. I started eating more...which helped things. But of course this caused me to gain about 5 pounds. Why this bothered me to no end...Im not sure. I think I could feel it...in my jeans. And see it in my belly. Or maybe Im just that anal now...lol. Im not sure. I had some long bouts of sickness as well. Kinda scared me. So Im overdosing on vitamins now. I take about 6 Gummie vitamins a day, 1 Biotin vitamin for hair-skin-and nails, 2 calcium chews, 2 Vitamin A, 4 Vitamin C, and Im getting some more stuff when I make my bi-weekly walmart run tomorrow. I think this swine flu BS has me all nervous too.
So to touch on my "drama"...yes...this is going to be one hell of a book-blog when Im done.
Im trying to figure out how to word this so it wont be insanely long. OK. So two guys decide they like me. They are friends. Making a VERY long story short...One night the one friend tries to push himself on me...and the other friend (in my defense) kicks the crap out of his friend. But...unfortunately the guy was hurt very badly. The boy that got hit needed facial and eye socket reconstructive surgery. So his friend is now being charged with aggravated assault, will pay thousands in medical bills, and will more than likely be sued for pain and suffering. Its been a horrible ordeal. Ive gotten threats...people that want to hurt me because I was the supposed "cause" of the fight. There is so much to this that I cant go into. But its been a nightmare. It made me want to stay in my house...and never leave it again. Its not even close to being over yet. So Im sure theres more drama yet to unfold from it all.
To top it off...Im still having issues with my husband. I find out more lies every day. It makes me question who Im sleeping next to at night. If Ive ever really known him at all. And after 5.5 years...Im thinking its never going to change. Ive stuck around longer than any sane woman would. Forgiven more times than I can count. And suffered more from his mistakes than he ever will. I think its getting down to the end of the line. I hate to say it...but I feel divorce is inevitable. Another hurdle Ill have to get through. One Im not looking forward to.
A lot of this has been a very swift smack in the face for me. Im starting to see that I will not be happy unless I make some huge changes. That if my stress level doesnt come down...my health wont be where it should be...and I will have gray hair by the age of 28. On a better note...Im trying to get back into my music. Hence my little home recorded attempts posted on here... This weekend..if all goes well I will be meeting with a band. Ive never been in a band before. So Im freaking out a little bit. I usually sing my own music. I dont know many covers. And I dont sing well with others...lol. SO...it will be interesting to see how it goes.
I cant keep my eyes open to type more. At this point...my husband is missing. He took a friend to the ER a few hours ago...called saying hed be home by 12:30 am..its now almost 2:30am. This is just an example of what I put up with. I dont think he cares that I sit here...worried...calling cell phones no one picks up...wanting to make sure everything is ok with his friend and him for that matter...hoping he didnt hit one of the 50 million deer that roam our county while driving home from the hospital (which is 40 minutes away) Not sure what I need...a valium...a stiff drink...or a coffee to keep me awake until he comes strolling through the door. If he does at all. (sigh)
| Leave a comment.