ObesityHelp

So, I am re-reading all my blogs, and realise that I have more to say!  I want to capture all my thoughts and feelings, so when I look back I can appreciate the trials and tribulations I will have endured.  So just a thought.  First off, Wanda, I have the conclusion that she has a thing against us Canadians.  Even though her job is to come to Canada, and canvas us to come to Henry Ford to get the surgery done.  She is condesending, and makes like HF is doing us a favor.  In a way, yes, the time frame is a lot quicker, but in another way, we are spending $38K of our medical fund's money to go down there.  If the surgery was so popular and wonderful, why not let just American patients do it?  Obviously they need money, and want government approved medical funds?  So, just a thought, and I don't appreciate being talked down to because I am Canadian.  She is the one who came here looking for people.  Sooo...my other thoughts.  My mom has agreed she will not come down for the surgery (due to my mother in law) but she will stay with me for a week afterwards.  Fair enough.  Works for me.  I have been thinking differently, knowing I am having this surgery.  I went into a bar/restaurant, on the weekend, and there was these young boys.  They were not saying anything, but I felt self-concious.  I was standing there thinking - in a year from now, they will not be looking at that ass and snickering, they will be looking at that ass and whistling!  lol  Sounds vain, I am doing the surgery for health reasons, and I want to live long to raise my son and grand kids, but I also want to look HOT!  I went to the theatre on Sunday, and I was sporting a pair of jeans (yep its been YEARS since I have fit in any! Thank you Avenue for stretchy 'real' jeans)  And they renovated the theatre since I had been there.  Of course the seats were smaller (wtf?  I used to go there because the seats were half decent) so I was very uncomfortable and had arm rest bruises on my ass.  God...it will be a happy day for me when I can walk into a restaurant/bar/theatre and not have to scan out the area to make sure the chairs have no arms, will I fit in etc.  So much for feeling good and slinky in a pair of jeans.  The seats were a grave reminder that even though you may feel ok...you still look like shit and have a fat ass.  I am lucky to have my MIL as support.  She is going through this with me and has promised to ride this through until the end.  My hubby's work is virtually impossible to take time off, and if he misses a day its not paid, and that is like $350 a day!!  So, thankfully MIL is retired and SO supportive.  CRAP!  Just was thinking my girlfriend's wedding is in Oct...and it's an Italian wedding so of course 7 course meal...(!!!) I may not be there for that...and if I am...I will be eating 1 bite.  Hmmm...anyways....more later...I had more to say but can't remember now!

So...where to start!  First off, I should be happy that I am finally making headway.  You wait so long for something, and when you get somewhere, you just have to wait more.  So I left a message with Chantelle in Detroit Henry Ford, she is the secretary for the Bariatric Department.  3 days later, still no call back.  So I call her again, and I get through to her, but she is less than pleasant.  I explain to her that I was waiting for a callback and that they should have received the OHIP approval paperwork.  She answers 'what is your medical record number" I wasn't aware I had one, so she gets all snotty and tells me, I need to register for one through the HF system.  Like how the hell am I supposed to know that?  It's not like I am doing this shit everyday.  So she says she will transfer me to Anthony.  She transfers me alright to a female, and an answering machine no less!  So I hang up and call the HF main office number, explain what I need and I get yet another unpleasant man (maybe it was Anthony? lol) and he gives me a number after a battery of questions, then transfers me back to Chantelle.  ugh.  So she then tells me that there is a class on May 15th but its full (so why the hell did she tell me and get my hopes up?) so she says she can book me in June 5th.  It's at 4 p.m. in Detroit (2.5 hrs from me) and is a 5 hour appointment.  That means I won't get home until almost midnight.  Then I have to get up at 6 a.m.  I tell her that Wanda (the Bariatric co-ordinator) mentioned in her seminar that there is a 2 day thing I can go to that covers all the info instead of making numerous trips.  She tells me curtly that I need to contact Wanda when she returns.  Ok, so that brings me to today.  I call Wanda, leave a message.  Thankfully she calls back within 30 minutes.  I am trying to be all nice and friendly, but Wanda will not have it.  She is rude, and condisending.  So I tell her that I need to book the 2 day thing too, and she gets all pissy telling me that she just typed up my paperwork for June 5th, and that IS the 2 day seminar.  Ok, for shit sakes...I don't need the attitude, and how come Chantelle was not aware of this?  So, now I am driving down on the 5th and staying over and meeting with my surgeon on the 6th.  As much as I am happy about this (I thought I had to do this class, then go down again for this 2 day thing!) I am a bit frusterated.  I was hoping I would get the surgery done sometime this summer.  I asked Wanda to give me a ball park on the timing - she answers 'well sometime this year' Are you KIDDING ME?  Here is the time frame she tells me.  There is 20 days from now until June 5th (3 weeks) then I see them for 2 days, then it takes them 2 weeks to process the paperwork and send to OHIP (we are now looking at the last week in June) it can take OHIP 1-6 weeks to process on their end (lets assume 6 weeks because OHIP doesn't rush ANYTHING!) We are now at first week in August. THEN, I have to get booked for a psych evaluation, etc. etc. etc. Then when that shit is done, not to mention any tests that have to be done, they book my surgery (which only can be done on Thursday's for Canadian patients) So we are likely talking late September or October.  In retrospect, I am sure people who are reading are like..wow that is fast...but when I had my heart set on June/July...3 more months of waiting burns my ass!  If I want to get positive...I guess that is 3 more months of losing weight on my own (ha ha) Good thing I went to the US last week and bought some new clothes.  As I was buying them I was thinking 'don't get too much, you won't fit into them by the end of the summer' Glad I didn't listen to me and got lots of cute stuff!  In my pissed-offness and laziness of not wanting to cook, I treated my son and I to McDonalds for dinner.  Regretting it now, as I feel like shit, but hey...  This OH site is inspiring to me.  When I feel mad or frusterated, I log on and look at the many before/after pics.  Unreal.  I flip into their blogs and read for hours.  Makes me stay on track (minus my fall off the protein shake wagon tonight) So...thats it for now...20 days to go.  I am going back on my protein shakes, no more crap...I need to lose before I meet my surgeon....hopefully he is CUTE!  lol

Thank you GOD is all I can say right now.  Today has been crazy!  When I got home from work today, I had a feeling I would hear something from OHIP.  I went to get the key to my mailbox HOPING there would be a letter for me in there from them.  On the way to get the key...I noticed my phone flashing with a message.  Normally people know we are not home during the day - so I checked the message and sure enough it was my Dr.'s office requesting I call back.  When I talked to the nurse, she read me the form from OHIP saying I WAS APPROVED!!!  I will say it again...APPROVED, APPROVED, APPROVED!  I started to blubber and bawl my eyes out as she was reading it to me!  I called my mother in law and she was ecstatic as well and came right over!  I called my mom, and I have to admit I was a bit disappointed in her reaction, she was like 'hmm well it's a good thing, I guess...isn't it?  I just don't want anything to happen to you"  Now, to be fair, I have talked to my mom about the procedure etc. but I don't think she fully understands the whole concept.  I choose not to let her response ruin my day...but still, of all people I was hoping to have my mom really on my side.  She did say she wants to be beside me through the whole thing - HOWEVER she and my mother in law DO NOT get along...and my mother in law is the one who was going to take me to Detroit for all the consults, surgery etc.  Not sure how that is all going to pan out yet...but I can't think about that now.  They will just have to set their differences aside for a few days...because its ALL ABOUT ME this time.  Anyhow, another disappointment...my husband's reaction.  I shouldn't let that bother me either, because I could have told him we won a billion dollars and his reaction would still be flat and unresponsive.  So - I told him I had good news, and after 10 min he guessed it, and then said 'well good for you' , end of story.  WTF?  I swear to God, sometimes I could just strangle him.  So..I will just keep on having a great day...screw anyone who wants to ruin this moment for me, it is one HUGE hurdle I have crossed, and many more to come.  But at least it's a step in the right direction.  I have been doing my protien shakes for almost 4 weeks now, and can see a noticeable difference, and people are starting to comment (a few CLOSE friends and my mother in law) they can see it in my face...it's kinda funny, people look, and can see a difference, but are afraid to say anything in case they are wrong and don't want to look like an ass!  BUT, if anything today's news is HUGE motivation to keep on truckin..and lose more of these annoying pounds, until my surgery is scheduled.  God has answered my prayers and I am forever greatful to Him.   AMEN!!!  More later!!! 

For the last hour or so - I have gone through numerous profiles and read lots of great stories and struggles..and most of all been going through people's before and after shots.  OMG.. Some of these people don't even look like the same person!  I am excited to know that I should hear something soon, but I am so scared it will be a denial letter, and I will have to beg and fight other means now to get it done.  One thing I did see on a few people's profiles, was a Top 100 things I can't do now, but I want to" list.  Thought it was inspirational.  So here goes!

1. Go on an airplane without having to ask for a seatbelt extender.
2. Being able to put the tray down infront of me on a train/plane
3. Being able to walk down a plane/train isle (not sideways!)
4. Get rid of the seatbelt extender in my car
5. Ride on a roller coaster
6. Be able to shop at a regular store (Walmart, Zellers) for normal sized clothes
7. Not have to use a handicapped bathroom stall in a public washroom
8. Wear sexy matching bra and underwear set
9. Get a tatoo that I am not afraid will be distorted because of it getting larger or stretched out
10. To bend down at the knee to get at animal or kid level, not bending at the waist with the ass in the air
11. Wearing a tank top (with arms that don't have flaps or a wingspan)
12. To wear a dress or skirt
13. To wear shoes that tie up instead of slip on.  Also bending to tie up the shoes instead of propping my leg up 
14. Wearing sexy lingerie
15. Wear a leather coat that does up in the winter!
16. Walk around the mall or any store and WANT to do it
17. Ride a bike with my son, without worrying about someone pointing out the seat is completely engulfed in my ass
18. Going to the gym and not feeling self consious
19. Sitting in normal chairs without worrying if its going to break
20. Sitting in chairs in restaurants/dr's offices that have arms, and not having them dig into my legs
21. Going out and having people look at me with appreciation instead of pity
22. Being able to sit on the floor and getting up with no problems
23. Being able to dance (and look decent doing it) NO JIGGLES!
24. Going to meetings/gatherings and being able to take a plate of food without having others judge you (the fat girl eating again?)
25. To wear shorts and look half decent
26. To wear a bathing suit and feel confident
27. Go to my son's swimming classes/soccer practices 
28. Go to a concert and fit in the chairs
29.  Go to a movie theater and fit in the chairs
30. Wear  black cocktail dress to a New Years Eve party.
31. To ride on the back of my brother's motorcycle with him
32. Go fishing/boating with my brother and not worry about the boat sinking or tipping
33. Go to the cottage at my in-laws, hiking/fishing/etc.
34. Sleep lying down (6 pillows being propped for my back sucks!)
35. Not having back and knee problems
36. Hopefully not having to wear a pad for incontinence anymore?
37. Possibly not having to shower EVERY day (won't be any folds to collect sweat?)
38. Have regular periods that last 1 week (not one every 3-6 months that last 20-93 days litterally...and no I am NOT joking)
39. Make my husband want me and desire to be with me
40. To wear a pair of designer jeans
41. Not to shop at Penningtons or Fashion Bug ANYMORE
42. Spending time with my son doing physical things
43. Have lots of energy and feeling good about me
44. Entertaining the thought of bungee jumping/skydiving without worrying about the straps snapping and killing myself
45. Go travelling and not worry about other countries and cultures judging me  - "Fat North American" 
46. Buy rollerblades
47. Wear knee high leather boots
48. Wear a pair of sexy high heels
49. Get a gym membership and work out with my friends and feel good!
50. Go to a beach and tan with no T-shirt and go swimming!


That's all for now...more to come as I think about it I am sure!

:)

May 1st, 2007

So...the lastest update...which is not really an update.  I called today to Henry Ford hospital to Wanda (the bariatric consultant) and she has not received anything from OHIP yet.  So I called my dr's office, and they too have not received anything.  How the hell long is this supposed to go on?  Seriously now we are looking at 3 months now.  The good thing, is that I have been doing my protein shakes for 3 weeks now...so I have been losing a bit, I can feel it on my clothes, I have more energy, and I can see the inches coming off.  Good thing I am still motivated.  Wanda can be kinda bitchy, but I was able to get some answers from her that were kinda positive..(or at least I choose to think of them that way!) I asked her what would be the factors of not being approved, and she named a few, but when I told her my BMI she said I should 'definetly' get approved.  I was worried that because I have zero health problems, that that may be a factor.  However my mom and dad's side of the family has diabetes, heart problems etc.  Who knows.  Hopefully BMI alone will be enough?  It's too funny the oxy moron of it all.  I want to get the surgery done so I stay healthy, but may not get the surgery because I don't suffer from any health problems.  Thats bureaucratic bullshit for ya!  lol  So...41 days since OHIP asked my dr for 'more information' and still nothing... The receptionist at my dr's office though did say that March 20th was the day she faxed it all in..AND it had to be sent to a specific person that was dealing with my case...so I hope that is a good sign..... SOOO that said...I will continue my shakes and salad...and I am going to start on my treadmill again soon - I think I need it as a stress reliever!