ObesityHelp

March 11, 2008

Well, things have gotten better since my last post.  I am still not losing much, but the scale started to move this week thank goodness!  Not much...but at least its going in the right direction.  I am down 145 lbs as of today.  5 more lbs and I can take my 150lbs down photos.  Its funny, when you are going through this kind of journey, everything is thought of in blocks of time now.  'Only this many lbs more until..' or 'it has been this much time since my surgery' etc.  I have smartened up in regards to the drinking (alcohol) that I don't do anymore (unless I go out) and I have gotten back to basics with eating etc.  Funny, I was not a sugar dumper 2 months ago...but I sure am now!  Not so much 'dumping' but feeling like major SHIT after eating sugar...UGH!  And grease..and basically anthing I shouldn't eat, my body feels awful after.  The other day I had a handful of chips....never again.  I made a taco dip...never again. I had a cookie...never again!!  So that is a good thing...really it is.  I absolutely CRAVE Thai food and spicey food ALL THE TIME though!  Lucky it is filling with all the veggies and meat, but man I can't seem to get enough!  And before the surgery...the smell of hot spicey stuff used to gag me...weird eh?  I went back to the gym albeit 2X and I have to get my ass in gear and get going regularly again.  I seem to be over my slump...sorta.  Its only been 2 months since my dad died...and it is getting better, but there are some days that hit me like a ton of bricks when I realize that he is no longer on this earth.  It's like a blow everytime I realize it...and it comes and goes...its hard to explain really.  I will be fine for a few days...then I get this 'smack in the face' that I will never see him again.  I guess its the mind trying to process it...but man...you think your heart can't break any more...then wham!  On the upside of things...I still haven't been back to work.  It has given me time to really think and evaluate what I want out of life.  I think really that it has to do with this surgery too.  I am re-discovering who I am.  The attention from men is overwhelming, and the confidence I have now is sometimes overwhelming too.  I used to read people's profiles and hear them whining about all this...and think they are morons.  But...I guess it's my turn now!  lol  I have started volunteering at the Humane Society that I ABSOLUTELY LOVE!  This has got to be the most fulfilling thing I have EVER done....and heart breaking at the same time.  I now know what it is I am supposed to do in my life.  When a job posting comes up, I was told I would be considered for the position.  OMG I could have cried right then and there.  I will keep my fingers crossed that something comes up soon.  Anyways, just a quick update...more later...!!!
Hugs,
C