ObesityHelp

First off I'm not a big blogger but I haven't been on the site for a while and think I should try and connect more with people that are going through life (post-op).

Having this surgery was a godsend. It saved my life life. It's an experience of great joy, I've experienced so much and have few regrets. Getting the surgery was easy for me, at the time I was on disability and Medicaid paid for it. Thank God!. When I finally stop losing the wait I got down for 378 to 180 I was comfortable with that weight but shortly after that I caught the flu and in two weeks I dropped down to 165. I was between sizes 32-33. for a while it was so great to be that size but everyone said I looked sick so I work on getting back to 175 and stayed there for many years it wasn't until three years ago that I started gaining weight. A really messed up relationship will do that during and especially afterwards I saw myself going back to eating all the wrong things and my metabolism slowing down more and more. I recently peaked at 215 but somehow managed to get down to my current 200pd. I'm working on getting back to 175 I liked being a size 34. even though being that size took me a while to get used to. My mind was in fat mode for years I had to change my way of thinking of myself in that way, even though I was so much smaller I would check myself in windows and mirrors making sure I looked ok. Or felt weird on the bus making sure someone had enough room on the seat next to me. Little things like that I had to shake loose. The only real regret of this surgery is the extra skin. When I was 170pds it was surprising to me after the year for some reason I hadn't notice the severity of it, until one day while showering I bent down to wash my legs and I notice how much skin was sagging for my check and stomach, and it made me check the rest of my body. Don't ask me how I didn't notice this before maybe my brain didn't feel I was ready for the reality and shock. Now I've seen a lot worse but that didn't change the fact of what my situation was, I become instantly self conscience of it. No matter what I wore I felt like everyone could see what was underneath my clothes. And no matter how much I worked out the extra skin diminished my progress. It just made me give up on the whole gym thing. Trainers would tell me I would still need surgery to rectify my appearance. But low and behold after going to the surgeon and he submitted the papers my insurance company considers this elective surgery and won't cover it. And Lord knows I don't make that kind of money to pay for the any of the surgery and the plastic surgeon recommended a full body lift. Which would of run me around 15,000.00. so know I'm dealing with this body I have now. In a world where it's all about looks and body I try not to date much, for fear of rejection when someone gets to see me naked, I when them with my personality but even when I tell them about my story it always because an issue. Only one guy loved me for me and even though we're not together anymore we're still best of friends, and always tried to help me keep my head up over this. I know I wrote a lot and I'm not writing this to discourage anyone from having this surgery, it saved my and changed my life for the better! I just need to know if anyone else is going through this and that I'm not alone. How do get over it all and just accept things the way they are.