And I am Starving!!!!!!!
I did good all day, I had 2 muscle milk protien drinks , some coffee and water, and less than half a can of cream of chicken soup.  Then held me over for a while.  I am thinking this was not a good day to start this with new years being tomorrow.,  Bad time to start a liquid diet during the holidays!! I may eat a small dinner tonight, try to eat better this week and start this diet Monday, when there is nothing going on! I hate being so hungry.  Oh well I will live... I will loose these last few pounds though.

Ok..... Feeling a little bloated this week.  I got a couple of pair of jeans for christmas... size 4 and they fit!! Perfectly!! I dont' want to change that!! I am just feeling a little heavy this last week and I feel like I have been eating more, SO  5 day pouch test starting tomorrow!! It might be a little difficult since I have off work 4 days this week, but I will just have to keep myself occupied and away from the fridge and snacks!! I want to loose about 15 lbs I want to be at 135 and I am about 150 right now, eventually I would like to see 125 but that might be a little on the low end, i don't want to look sickly either. I have a big meeting in Texas at the end of the month, I would love to have at least 10 lbs gone by then! I think I can do it!!

Ok so tomorrow... I am going to blog every day to help me stay on track.  I just have to stay extremely Focused!!

So... I am doing better not being so hard on myself... Trying to see myself as that same fat person.

I am still maintaining my weight in fact I have lost a couple of pounds in the last few weeks so I am happy :-)
This week has been rather interesting, and I have been looking back over the last two years and thinking about where I was and how far I have come since I had surgery and how incredibly different my life is.  

I have come such a long long way and I really need to be proud of myself for that, and I need to keep pushing on and keep progressing.

I used to be really self concious about the fact that I had Gastric Bypass surgery, I didn't want to tell anyone especailly most of my family, I was really hesitant to tell people about it, but that has changed a lot.  I took a huge step in my life to get help and get healthy, there shouldn't be any shame in that.  Do Drugs addicts get ridiculed for going to rehab, or alcoholics for going to AA?  Why should I be judged because I got the help I needed?

Now its different, I will tell any one and don't feel uncomfortable at all telling people how far I have come, or tell them about the steps I have taken to become the person I am today.

Some people still seem to have a problem with it however - i have one particular family memeber who thinks I have screwed my body up for the rest of my life, and over this past weekend made a very good point to tell me that I was still fat (mind you I am only 140 lbs - started at 300) Some people will bever change their opinions and always think they are better because they have never had to experiance life as a (fat) person.  For those people - I have no time in my life for you, I am happy and healthy and going strong every day, living life more than ever, and enjoying every minute of it!

I am not going to get down on myself when people say stupid things like call me fat... because I am happy with me, and comfortable being the person I am and FINALLY Comfortable in my own skin, how AMAZING is that!! I never thought it would be possible to come as far as I have in the last 2 years .  Down 160 lbs and maintaining, I have a wonderful man in my life who treats me better than any one has ever treated me,. I have made new freinds, and pushed those volitile abusive people out of my life - those who don't really care about me.  I have a new career (one I very much enjoy) I have started over compleltey in soo many ways,and it was all soo worth it.  It has been an amazing ride, and its just beinging!  Life has just begun for me i am no longer sitting on the side lines! :-)

So it has been two years!! two amazing years!  I have lost about 150-160 lbs (depending on the day) and have maintained my weight loss...yet I still can't seem to get that fat girl out of my head.  I still get that hopeless feeling some times like I am just not small enough , still need to loose weight, even though my surgeon and my family doctor have both said I am at the perfect weight and do not need to worry about loosing any more weight.  I think I am just soo nervous about gaining that weight again that I am freaking out just a little bit...

My goal right now is to maintain, and yes I still want to take off about another 10lbs.  I feel like it will be a struggle with the long Wisconsin winter fastly approaching but, I know I can do it .  take off that last 10 lbs and keep it ALL Off.  I can do it, I have made it this far, I just have to maintain this for the rest of my life, and not give up on myself!!

I have been eating like crap latley, the worst since before surgery, fast food, junk and even a cup cake this week.  I know its stress, but I need to do better, I know I CAN DO IT, I just have to get back on track and eat healthier much much healthier!!! Just had to get that out!