After my post yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend that I greatly respect. I was initially upset when we talked but have decided to "do the numbers" and see the point at which she and many others are coming from.

First, I calculated my EWL%

Starting weight - Goal Weight (291 - 135 = 156 pounds to lose)

Goal weight -  Current Weight (291 - 150 = 141 pounds lost)

Current Weight / Goal Weight x 100 (150 / 135 x 100 = 90%)

I've lost 90% of my excess weight.

-=-

Then I decided to calculate my BMI instead of looking at a chart:

(Weight in pounds x 703 ) / (Heigh in inches x height in inches) = BMI

(150 X 703) / (65 x 65) = 105.450 / 4,225 = 24.9 BMI

BMI Categories:

• Underweight = <18.5
• Normal weight = 18.5–24.9
• Overweight = 25–29.9
• Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

-=-
Clothing, I started out wearing a size 22 in pants and a 2XL in most shirts. I've always carried my weight well and fit into clothes that others of similar weight could not.

Currently, I wear a solid 6 in most stores though in some I wear a size 4. I wear small and extra small tops.

-=-

I am extraordinarly proud of myself for what I've accomplished. I know that there are many who would love to be where I am today and wonder why I am not happy here. I am happy. But I am not content. I am not willing to settle for this weight as the last stop on the weight loss train. I intend to get to my (and my surgeons) goal. I am also fully prepared to regain if that weight doesn't suit me.

I do not understand why wanting to accomplish this goal is ill-viewed by so many. When I accomplish this goal, my BMI will be at 22% which is square in the middle of the "Normal" weight category for BMI. I'm sure we can all argue the true validity of the BMI calculations but .. it's certainly better than the Metropolitan Height/Weight charts of old. Basic BMI calculations are just that, basic, but you can calculate using waist circumference and get a more true gauge of YOUR BMI.

I'm really interested to know why getting to goal is such a touchy subject for post-op persons - particulary when it's not your goal?

This is something I've been experiencing from a lot of different people and is not directed specifically at my discussion that I had yesterday with a friend. I get this everywhere.

Please share your thoughts .. I'd love to hear them.

Time flies! I can't believe I haven't posted an update in 10 months. Life has been interesting to say the least.

I'm hanging out here at 150 pounds for the past 6 months. I go up and down a few pounds either direction but on "auto-pilot" I stay here at 150.

Unfortunately that puts me at a BMI of 25 which is technically considered overweight and isn't that annoying? I'm down 160 pounds and still "overweight" though I wear a size 4/6. Hah. I love how the world works sometimes.

I feel at times like I'm stuck here at 150 and that my body won't go further down but truthfully it will if I put in the necessary effort. It's easy to maintain at 150 but I'm not really happy here.

I am still aiming for 135 pounds if for nothing else than to get there and see how I feel. It's long been a personal goal of mine to be that weight and I may not feel good there but I need to get there.

It's amusing how I'm in the "15 pounds" frame of mind. I never thought I'd be that person. I've long envied those who "only" had 10 pounds to lose and now, here I sit, with 15 pounds ...

Anyway .. life has big changes in store for me over the next few months. I'm excited to be doing them even though it's a challenge. I'l be moving AGAIN -- back to the west coast. I'm happy to be rid of the evil humidity here in PA. Yuck.

Tomorrow is my 10 month surgeryversary. It's been a crazy fun ride!

I've done so much this past 10 months that it's almost scary.

I'll get the facts out of the way first ... down 120 pounds!

I'm no longer obese. I'm overweight. How rockin is that?

I'm wearing size 10's in most things with medium shirts and medium bottoms. It's insane. I still have about 35 pounds to go before I reach goal and I can't even begin to imagine where I'll be at that point.

I'm fully moved to Philadelphia at this point and life here is very different. We walk everywhere since we live in town and so my car is garaged most of the time. It's good to get out and walk and you don't realize how much walking you can do during a day. Working at home means I don't get out as much as I probably could but the heat/humidity have dissuaded me from walking outside most days. I'm good walking in the evenings though.

There is also a small gym here in the building and I will do 30 minutes on the treadmill at a 3mph pace with varying inclines and it feels good. I need to step up the pace with exercising, that's certain. I'm thinking 3-4 days a week in the gym plus my other walking and using the Wii Fit will be good. I'd like to at some point soon start adding in my DVD workouts.

I had my one year labs done early and I'm a bit low in protein so I'm adding in an extra shake every day, giving myself 90 grams per day from my shakes plus the protein I eat in a day. I was also a little low in D so I'm working on that.

I've stopped the major bruising that I had going there in June/July. I took a month of high dose K and that stopped it. I'm continuing with K1 supplementally to keep it from coming back.

I have discovered over these past months a few foods which don't agree with me at all: pancakes, french toast, and soft pretzels. It's OK I suppose since I enjoy them but they aren't in my "ooh favorite" category anyway.

I put away a 5oz steak the other day and potatos which surprised me. I'm able to eat quite a bit more now than even a couple months ago. But I'm working to NOT increase that amount. I still try to eat the way I did months back because I don't want to keep stretching my limits.

Life is good.

One of the things I continually tell new WLS patients is to be present and in the moment in their lives. It's crucial to remain present and not let yourself go on auto-pilot.

When you go on auto-pilot you end up forgetting things and not taking care of business the way you need to do.

When you remain present and aware you are making micro-movements all the time to adjust to the changes your body is making.

Each day (even each hour!) can be so different for us and if we just ride over it all on auto-pilot we're ignoring our ever changing bodies and the results may not be what we want.

Ways we may be on auto-pilot:

- eating at a certain time because everyone else is doing it or we're used to eating at that time, even if we may not be truly hungry

- eating foods we are used to eating but no longer taste great or satisfy us

- not planning ahead and just flying by the seat of our pants in our meals. In other words, not taking food with us and just "assuming" the food will be OK or not eating before we go somewhere to prevent us from overeating later

- not evaluating how we feel after a meal or in general

- doing the same things we've always done in any capacity without taking the time to evaluate if they are still working FOR us or AGAINST us.

Being aware of what we are doing gives us greater flexibility in how to respond. If we plan ahead and prepare we giving ourselves options we may not have had. If we bring our lunch to work we have that food available to us but we can also bend and go out and have lunch if we want. We aren't stuck eating out and making choices that may not be good for us.

Ways to get off auto-pilot:

- start asking yourself questions:

"Why am I doing this?"
"What is this doing for me?"
"Is this satisfying to me?"
"Is this the best choice for me?"
"How do I feel?"
"How does this food/thing make me feel?"

- plan ahead and stop flying by the seat of your pants

Routines can be a great source of comfort but they can also be dangerous if you try to make everything in your life follow a routine. Particularly if it means ignorning what your body is telling you.

I started my journey as a person who was "Morbidly Obese".  I'm now 5.5 pounds away from being "Overweight" instead of my current "Obese" status.

I'm 10 pounds away from reaching a landmark goal for me which is 175 pounds - that is my lowest adult weight. I've never been below that as an adult. It's going to be interesting seeing what happens after this!

-=-

I tried on my boyfriends jeans yesterday. They are 32x30 and they fit. Oh sure, I couldn't BUTTON them but they were all the way up and over my butt. *giggles*

I tend to view him as a "skinny butt" - he's pretty small so to be able to put on those jeans is a bit odd (and fun!) for me. Granted, these are his bigger/baggier jeans and if I were to try on some of his other pants I don't think they'd fit.

I slid past this milestone over the last few days and I must admit it feels awesome!

I'm down 102 pounds since surgery. I'm 2 weeks away from my 8 month anniversary. Not too shabby!

I was out walking the other day and had an epiphany. Oh yes, a REAL ONE.

Exercise isn't as solitary as you think it is. Sure, you may go for a walk on your own with nothing but your iPod but when you see someone else walking, running, or riding their bike they are right there beside you and supporting your efforts.

Even if they don't say a word to you.

Every person who is out doing something for their health at the time you are is part of your team.

We may have different motivations for being out there on the road but the final result is our health and well-being.

Next time you see someone walk, run, or bike past you, realize they are all rooting for you to succeed.

I saw a post earlier and started to write this response there and decided to refrain. I'm going to put it here though ..

Just because you CAN eat something doesn't necessarily mean you should (you being a generic you and not a specific you).

A lot of people have this surgery and go into it with the mindset that they can eat whatever they want and neener neener their surgery will take care of it. I'm in the minority and believe that we should change our eating habits and we should eat healthier.

Why should we be proud to eat 3000+ calories a day? Why should I stuff my body with crap just because I can? Why should being gluttonous be something we're happy (and proud in many cases) about?

To my eyes, we got to this SMO state by doing just that. Yes, we have a tool that helps us lose the weight and will continue to help us keep the weight off but at what point does eating well turn into something else?

I mentioned in a previous entry that my Surgeon believes that the body will begin compensating for the high fat intake and start gaining weight after 5+ years out. He's the expert - not me. I'm going to take his words and use them wisely. I don't live a non-fat life but I also don't eat buckets of fat either. I eat full-fat mayo, yogurt, milk, etc. I tend to steer away from fried foods because they don't sit well. I don't eat bacon that often. I don't eat fat on my meat. So I'm not skimping but I'm not partaking fully either.

Some posters have listed what they eat in a day and I am actually horrified by the quantity and quality of food they ate. It was more food than I ate pre-op when I was in my binging stages. It was disgusting to me. I can't help but wonder if these people fed themselves better quality food if they'd need less of it to feel satisfied - instead of all the crap they're putting in?

There are also others that are big proponents of fat and eating what they want and talk about how they can eat anything they want, yet when you look at what they actually eat in a day they aren't eating that way. They are eating relatively healthy on the whole. The difference for them is that they CAN have it when they choose to but they don't have it all the time. It's a balance of wants versus needs.

All that said, I don't believe there is one way for everyone. BUT, I don't believe eating junk is good for anyone regardless of whether it appears to be "working" for you or not. I do believe what goes up must come down and there is an equal and opposite reaction for every action. I am really interested to see how things play out over the next few years.

Yesterday I went in to see Dr. Cirangle for my official 6 month checkup (though I'm in month 7 already .. spaced on the date). It went well.

I lost 45 pounds in my first 3 months and 39 more in my second, so I'm consistent with my weight loss. It feels so slow to me at times and I worry that I'm not doing enough.

He said that if I'm concerned I should increase the exercise as that will speed things up. That said, he's pleased with my progress. I'm 15 pounds away from a BMI of 30 which means I'm almost overweight! It's strange to be excited about being overweight but it means I'm no longer obese.

I asked him about my eating struggles. He advocates 3x a day / low-fat and for the most part I've followed that since I don't really enjoy fatty foods and they don't sit well on my stomach. I gravitate naturally towards lower fat and healthier fat foods (like salmon and avocado). I said that my weight loss was so slow that I tried eating 5-6 times a day and eating higher fat content foods and that seemed to jumpstart my weight loss. He said that it didn't make sense and shouldn't be used long-term.

He said if I'm wanting to eat more in a day that's fine but that I should not be eating the same meal size for all meals but should decrease the quantity in each meal so I'm not overeating over the course of the day.

He said that even with my malabsorption I shouldn't eat a high fat diet. He advised this because he didn't want my body to get used to it and then in 5+ years out it starts to compensate and my weight goes up as a result.

I find his advice so startlingly different than the general DS populace and it's frustrating to me. I see people 5 years out that eat high fat diets and are losing weight or at least maintaining. I wonder if it's the difference in the common channel length or .. is this just his medical training and low-fat/low-cal regiment rearing its head?

That said, I don't know of any DS Dr who advocates a high fat diet. Most of them still give out the party line on the way to eat. They haven't tailored their viewpoint to accomdate the DS'ers.

Even with the "DS Math" that everyone uses, is high fat a good way to live?

For now, I'm just going to keep on eating the way I've been eating and enjoy the ride I'm on. Sure, I have my questions but I doubt any of them will ever truly be answered.

OK, this is easily the strangest wow I've reported yet but this one makes me giddy!

I was standing in the bathroom fixing my shirt and I looked down at my thighs and I could SEE LIGHT from between my thighs. No, it's no the second coming or anything but that my thighs were not jammed together! I will at some point have SPACE between my legs.

Which sounds weird .. but YAY!!!

My 6 month update is a couple weeks behind so this is really my 6.5 month update.

I can't believe how fast this past 6 months has gone. It's insane. I've gone through a lot these past 6 months including:

1) Scheduled surgery
2) Surgery canceled
3) Re-scheduled surgery
4) Surgery!
5) Recovery - 4 weeks at home
6) Returning to work
7) Laid off 4 weeks later!
8) Job hunting
9) New job! (took me 4 weeks to the day to get a new job)
10) Adjusting to new job, still adjusting to surgery, responsibilities, legal issues, relationship "stuff", death in the family, and finally ..

BEING IN ONEDERLAND!

Yes, you read that right. I am in Onederland! I cannot believe how awesome it feels to get under 200 pounds in such a short time. I've not been this low in weight in quite a long time.

198.5 pounds today which is a total of 92.5 pounds in 6 months since surgery and 111.5 pounds since my highest weight. Not too shabby if I do say so myself. :)

On the whole, the process has been easy for me. The weird parts for me have been how little food it takes to satisfy me and that what I can eat one day I can't eat the next. A lot of issues I had with food pre-op seem to have disappeared. I used to be an emotional eater and now I'm not. I have my moments but I am usually eating when I'm hungry and only when I'm hungry. I don't feel the urges to eat mindlessly anymore. Sometimes I miss eating as much food as I want but that's usually only when something tastes really good (rare). Food just doesn't have a hold on me anymore. I don't enjoy greasy foods either. They sit weird on my stomach and the end result isn't great either! I eat pretty healthy overall.

I'm struggling right now making sure I'm eating enough but also listening to my hunger signals. I tend to eat just three times a day but see others eating more than that and losing very well and think maybe I should try it and so I try it for a few days and it seems to work then the 4th day my body rebels and I have NO HUNGER at all for nearly the entire day and I have to rethink my plan. I think the key is just paying attention.

1) I went down another pant size - I'm now in 14's

2) I bought NON-stretchy 14's and am happily wearing them

Yes, yes, NON-stretchy. Do you know how long it's been since I've worn regular pants that weren't infused with copious amounts of lycra to cover my butt?

Holy Cow.

I'm posting my 6-month update soon too -- a little late.

Yeah .. there's a program for sit-ups too. I feel slightly insane that I want to do this program as well. But I find sit-ups much easier to do.

Technically they are more crunches than the traditionally defined "sit-up".

Initial test revealed I can do 60 fairly easily. I feel damn proud of that. I used to do 100 crunches at a time with very little difficulty and it's nice to know that I'll soon be at that level again and surpass it.

I'll start the Sit-Up program tomorrow and over the next 6 weeks get up to 200 sit-up's. It'll be fun.

I came across a website which offers up a 6-week challenge: 100 Push-Ups.

Now, I need all the help I can get with my boobs and my arms so I thought this might be a good thing to try out. The initial test is rather embarassing to a degree. You have to see how many "full form" push-ups you can do. If you score too low you can do the girly style push-ups.

I figured if I could eke out 1 push-up in full form I'd be doing great. Imagine my surprise when I did 5! I could probably do more now that I've rested a bit but holy cow!

I'm going to see how many I can do consecutively with the girly style and then start on my program. It's a 6 week program to get you up to doing 100 push-ups at a time.

They have a few other programs too like: 200 sit-ups and 200 squats.

I can assure you I won't be joining that squat program anytime soon! (I lied! I started it as well. I can do squats!!! I had no idea!)

I've been wanting lingerie. It's something I've long admired but never felt I could wear.

Today, I went to Frederick's of Hollywood to find a specific outfit that was in their catalog. They didn't have it in the store but I found a few pieces I liked and I decided to try them on. I didn' t know what size I'd be and bra size clothing can fit a bit odd.

But, I found several pieces (size 38) were tried and they all fit. I am in shock! I ended up walking out with a corset and loving it! I've always loved corsets and post-op they do nicely control the jiggle. :)

I think the most amazing part of this whole experience was going into Frederick's and picking up things off the rack and not having the sales staff look at me like I was bug and wondering why I was there. They were so nice and helpful and just treated me with dignity and respect. I can't say I've felt that too much when going shopping.

It's only going to get better too, which is absolutely amazing.